I'm speechless

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by elizabrary, Oct 20, 2012.

  1. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    After relative peace for a week or two all hell broke loose tonight. Kat was gone all day at an open house at a college about an hour away and I babysat. I had agreed to this weeks ago and knew the event really was taking place. Near the time Kat was supposed to be home KK started not feeling very well, so I called her to be sure she was coming home. She said she was on her way. When she got home KK started acting normally, but she looks really tired and I think she is because Kat did start a job this week, so her schedule has been changed. Kat then tells me she is taking KK to her friend's house because she is babysitting for them. I told her this was a bad idea since KK doesn't feel well. She proceeded to tell me she was fine, I couldn't tell her how to raise her kid, etc. I told her if she left and spent the night somewhere else she couldn't come back to my house. She loudly phoned someone to tell them how her mom was flipping out, etc., etc. Then shut herself and KK in her room. Shortly after I left to run the dogs. When I got back she was gone. I called her and asked what was so important that she had to drag her tired child out. She told me she would only be gone an hour, I was crazy, blah, blah, blah. I told her this was the last straw and I was going to file for guardianship of KK. I had talked to her about this previously, but she seemed to be trying to get things together, so I took a wait and see approach. She started screaming that she hoped I did because she would tell the judge that I did drugs while she was growing up and that she was molested. That everyone she talks to who knows me thinks I'm crazy and that I'm a POS. I didn't respond to any of this, but just asked if she was done and when she said yes I hung up. WTF? Of course I was not a perfect mother, but none of that happened and even if it did how in the world would that effect what is going on with KK? In the past 3 years I divorced my 2nd husband, which was not a good relationship, lost a bunch of weight and in general have focused on me and getting my sh*t together. It's almost like that makes her angry. I'm literally speechless right now. I can't even believe how crazy and mean my own kid is. I wish she wasn't my kid. Sorry, but I just had to get all of this out because nobody else would even believe it.

    P.S. I am crazy, but I blame that on Kat. :hammer:
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    It is good-hearted of you to want to save your grandchild from her immature and abusive mother, who obviously cares more about her partying than her daughter's health. I wish you luck.
     
  3. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    I'm sorry that she said those things. You deserve better.
     
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Agreed. So sorry she said those things. Poor KK. Hugs to you.
     
  5. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Eliz,
    Remember that she says these things to assign blame, not because they are true .. or not even that she believes they are true. In the moment ....in the twisted difficult child moment...she is looking for ANYPLACE where she can lay the blame, and you just happened to be there. Know that her words about her depraved childhood, in which you did drugs and she was molested, carry about the same logic and truth as if she were saying "I was raised by Porcupines who shot their quills through me and while singing horrid renditions of Queen songs."

    Filing for guardianship of KK is in your grandchild's best interest. Don't lose sight of that, and don't allow her babbling nonsense to derail you.

    I know how exhausting this is. Hang in there.

    Dash
     
  6. BKS

    BKS New Member

    Elizabrary,

    How very hurtful!!! I am sorry you seem to have been made the target of her frustrations. Kudos for you for seeing through all of the craziness and reaching out to protect your grandchild.

    Again, how very hurtful and I am so sorry you have to hear your daughter's tirades of fictional facts.

    BKS
     
  7. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Do you think she's doing drugs?
     
  8. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry Eliz, you didn't deserve that. Our difficult child's can be so cruel. I believe what Dash said to be the truth as well. Perhaps this is just the sign you need for you to move forward with your plan to gain guardianship for little KK. I made that decision after yet another unsavory experience with my difficult child, it reached critical mass and everything came together and I moved into action for guardianship and never looked back. I wish you peace of mind...........(((HUGS))))
     
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im sorry about your dtr's mouth and wish you luck on your quest for your granddaughter. Sounds like you would be KK's island in a very rough sea that is her mother's life.
     
  10. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    ThreeShadows- no, but I've said countless times I wish she was on drugs because then I could easily raise KK. She has mental health issues, I believe worse than has been diagnosed, and is non-compliant with-medications. She's insane, but thinks everyone else is and she's really got it all going on.
     
  11. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Eliza,

    Taking a child away from a parent is very difficult to do. It could cost you thousands of dollars to even attempt it. The standard for a legally fit parent is very, very low. Depending on your state, you may not even have standing to file. I would suggest you have a one hour consult with an attorney to see what the laws are in your area and the climate of your local courts.

    Yes, she may totally suck at being a mom. But taking a tired child to a sitter isn't abuse or neglect. And having a mental illness does not mean she cannot have custody of her child.

    (((Hugs))) It must be so horrible to have to watch her make poor parenting choices.
     
  12. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    If you feel that her choices may eventually lead to CPS involvement, I would suggest you get your foster parent license now. The process takes months but then if your grandchild is taken from her, you will already be an approved home and the caseworker could immediately place with you (instead of going to shelter care while they run your background check, etc).
     
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I have been there done that for many decades in my efforts to protect my two grandsons. When GFGmom gave birth to a daughter I finally realized that I "may" have done too much with her first two children. More importantly I vowed not to lose more decades of my life in attempts to make sure my granddaughter was growing up in a healthy environment. That little girl is now in fouth grade. She truly does not know what "normal living" means...but she is alive and has not been abused.

    You have worked hard to make progress in your life and for your future. Of course I don't know the whole story but my gut tells me to suggest that you should "detach", focus on your life and like a good Scout "be prepared" should your grandchild truly need you. She only needs you to intervene if there are circumstances that threaten her safety and health. CPS and the Courts are not going to become involved if it is just poor parenting choices. Should she be endangered you will be rested and prepared to provide a safe home...meanwhile try to pretend your daughter is just a neighbor or co-worker. There is no advantage to arguing over parenting methods...just safety. Hugs DDD
     
  14. Eliza, I totally agree with what dash and the others said. When our kids are angry, more often we are the easy target because they know they can get away with it but deep in their heart most don't mean the things they say in the heat of the moment. Your are doing a good job advocating for your grandchild. Hugs and all the best to you.
     
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