Is this Stealing???.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Miss Magnolia, Mar 17, 2012.

  1. Miss Magnolia

    Miss Magnolia New Member

    I just found out my 23 year old sweet daughter deposited a check from her college (a refund of tuition) into her own checking account. She has a pretty significant learning disability and school is hard for her. She failed in her 3rd year and is living at home, working 6-7 days a week. Not at home much but that is normal. Planning to attend a local college to finish up and change her major.
    In the past there have been unauthorized uses of the credit card but nothing too serious. She DID get a DUI last year and has been going to required classes and had a large fine to pay off. We paid for the lawyer and are expecting to be paid back.
    This past week she has been on a Cruise with her former college friends which had been planned last year while she was still in school, and "all paid for" with money she apparently squirrelld away from what I had sent her.

    Well when I found the check envelop I realized what had happened and was livid.
    I called her and asked about this check and at first she said she did not know it was not hers as it had her name on it.
    I asked he for her Bank account online user name and PW and at first she would not give it to me... Now I know that she used the money to buy her airfare to NY wich she siad she had already paid for.
    I am at a loss.
    I think this is stealing. She said she would give me the remaining money immediately and pay back the rest.
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2012
  2. runawaybunny

    runawaybunny Guest

    I'm sorry Miss Magnolia... from the description I would agree that she stole that money from you.
  3. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, it's totally stealing and the unauthorized use of the credit cards are serious to me. Please don't blame the learning disability. She has a job, is she paying you back any money from the lawyers fee? It seems like she hasn't begun to do that from your post. Let her her give you a certain amount each week for that, and also an additional set amount for the cruise airfare. Don't let her get away with it. Hold her to high standards, expect her to do the right thing. I would not let het get away with it for a minute, I know it's hurtful, but you'll feel better once you see her paying you and taking responsibility for her actions. Don't ask, TELL her how it's going to work out. (((hugs)))
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with the others. Since she is smart enough to be in college, she is smart enough to know how money works. She knows who pays her tuition. Money doesnt just rain down from the sky. I would hold her to paying you back.
  5. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    My Downe's nephew lives in a complex for special needs, also in CA. He works and the counselors and my sister have set up a budget for him. He has a bank card and he is held accountable for his bills. He has a certain amount of money for spending.

    He loves DVD's and got carried away by a sale. At first he lied about spending the money (they knew the truth) but his conscious started to bother him and he called my sister and told her what he did.

    I agree with the others, she knows exactly what she is doing! But she might have a hard time resisting temptation. A common theme with today's youth is they don't consider taking from their parents as stealing!!!
  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yup, another vote for stealing. I also wouldn't count any unauthorized use of your credit card as "nothing too serious."

  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This is stealing and is very serious. I would insist on her cashing in the airline ticket and the cruise tickets or forfeiting them and staying home and working because she stole from you and did NOT even try to pay you back. She knows it is stealing and is wrong. She apparently thinks it isn't a big deal, likely because you didn't make a big deal about her using the credit card.

    Time to make a big deal and if she doesn't start making regular payments then maybe she needs to live in her own place on what she can earn rather than abusing you by stealing from you.

    Why would you think it was okay for her to take money from you and to use your credit card without asking? NO learning disability makes this not stealing, esp not in a girl who could get into college. You are not setting high standards and are letting her use the learning disabilities as an excuse to get away with things. What happens if you suddenly are not there to care for her? How will she cope then? You MUST teach her how to function in the world, nto how to be dependent on you. It is hard to do, but is MORE important with a child with disabilities than with regular kids because the world WILL take advantage of her if you don't teach her hwo to handle herself independently.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Morally - both the credit card and the cheque (check) issues are stealing.
    But... legally? The cheque was in her name. Any other arrangements about that money may exist, but... she didn't commit a crime to deposit that cheque.
    The unauthorized credit card use, though... IS illegal. And definitely NOT a light issue.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    She is not a child. Resisting temptation is part of growing up, learning disability or not. I have lots of LDs and would never have done that to my parents. Legally hers or not, she knew it was for you, the one who pays her tuition.

    I'd make her pay you back and I'd probably also make her stay home or stop paying her tuition. She is playing dumb, which lots of kids do when they get caught doing something wrong...but she is not a kid. My son did something like this when he was sixteen and had to work to pay the money back or he could not get his driver's license. It never happened again!!!! :)
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sorry, I have to agree with the others. I'd consider it stealing. And if a child of mine used my credit card without permission, I'd press charges. Learning disabled or not. I'd make her pay it back too. If she's smart enough to take it, she's able to pay it back.

  11. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Yes, it's stealing! Legally there is probably nothing you could do because the check was made out in her name. But morally, she KNEW that money wasn't really hers and she kept it anyway. And "unauthorized use of a credit card" is just a fancy term for "stealing"! If she uses your credit card without permission to buy things for herself, and then you have to repay that money to the credit card company, it's stealing - just the same as if she had taken that money right out of your purse!