It's a lot worse than I thought

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flutterbee, Feb 20, 2009.

  1. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I just talked to R, difficult child's tutor that has developed a close relationship with difficult child, and it's a lot worse than I thought.

    difficult child is afraid to be alone. She is almost never home alone, but she is afraid when I'm asleep, too. She hears voices and noises in the house. One time she locked herself in her room. I didn't know this.

    When we got easy child's car last month, difficult child was really upset when we got home. I assumed it was because we were gone longer than expected, but she said it was because easy child gets everything he wants. However, she told R that she was hearing voices and it got really loud and she was scared.

    R has also said that difficult child often asks her, "What did you say?" and no one has said anything. R said that at first difficult child said she knew she wasn't really hearing voices because "that's crazy", but that she's not saying that anymore; she's talking about it as if it happens to everyone. difficult child is trying to cope as best as she can and I don't know how to help her. She is a fighter and a survivor, but this......

    difficult child spent last Friday with R and R told difficult child that her cousins were going to be there, but she had met them before and it would be ok. difficult child said it was fine; she only gets anxious with school. R found that really odd because difficult child is always very anxious in social situations.

    No one has returned my phone calls. I called county mental health again today and left another message for the intake person. I would take her to the ER to be assessed, but she won't be forthcoming. She didn't even tell me and I don't want to betray her confidence with R. I want difficult child to have someone she feels safe talking to. I don't want to take that away.

    I'm really trying not to freak out, but I feel like I can't catch my breath. She's just a little girl. She's my baby. This is so unfair.
  2. I'm so sorry! This has to be so hard for you too. Poor difficult child! She must be so scared. My son is afraid to be alone too and wants doors closed and stuff and I often wonder if he is hearing things or seeing things again.

    I hope you are able to get her help soon.

    Perhaps R could maybe somehow get her to be forthcoming enough to go to the ER?


  3. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Maybe allowing her to sleep in your room until you can get her in to see a psychiatrist would help? The therapist is working with my daughter to tell the voices "be quiet" and "go away" outloud. You don't list your daughter's medications in the sig -- what is she on??
  4. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I've tried to get her to sleep in my room, but she won't. I've even tried to get her to just lie down with me a bit while we talk so she can settle. She'll sit on the bed, but that's it. But, she doesn't go to sleep, for the most part, unless I'm awake.

    She isn't on any medications right now. She had been on lexapro, but she said it wasn't working and refused anything else. This was months ago. She is extremely against medications and I talked to R about that and R said she would help me with that with difficult child when/if the psychiatrist prescribes anything. I think difficult child will be more open to R's opinion/suggestions than to mine - or anyone else.

    The only time she'll let me physically comfort her is when she is very distressed and sobbing. And she only lets me do that - rub her back, stroke her hair - for a short time. She doesn't want to be hugged or even sit next to me and put her head on my shoulder so I can hold her.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I can see why you are so scared. I can imagine how afraid you are (we had a little of this with Wiz, but only a little).

    Would she go to sleep if you went into her room and read a book or whatever until she fell asleep? would it make her feel comforted at all? I know she doesn't want to be cuddled, but maybe having you in the room would help some? As long as she understands that you will go to your room after she falls asleep.

    I am sorry she won't let you comfort her physically. I wonder if it is a sensory thing? but that isn't relevant right now.

    Is there a scent she associates with you, or with safety, or with R? Some scent you could spray in her room or get a sachet of to put next to her bed or in the living room so that it could help comfort her? Often scents can be very comforting, so that might help her to feel safer at night.

    When you get an appointment, is it at ALL possible to have R go with you? She could go into the waiting room with difficult child so you could talk to the doctor alone, and she could help difficult child absorb what the doctor says and prescribes?

    Please know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    What about taking her to a crisis center? I'm thinking they will have to have a therapist talk to her right away and if it's at your local mental health dept., they might be able to get an emergency appointment scheduled for her to start seeing someone on a regular basis.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Heather does your county mental health do intake sessions? Ours does these on several days of the week. (it's the only way to be seen) When Nichole was at her worst after Aubrey was born, I parked her fanny in one of the intake sessions. therapist who saw her said to heck with the manditory 3 therapist visits before seeing the psychiatrist, the girl needed to be seen immediately, and arranged to have it all done together to get Nichole into psychiatrist faster. She slid in under two weeks doing it that way.

    (((hugs))) I know how scared and helpless you feel. It was me 4-5 years ago. Nichole wouldn't let me console her at all. It would ruin her "tough girl" image. It was horrible.

    One thing I did was something I was taught years ago working on the psychiatric ward. When she would open up about the things that were going on, I did Oscar winning acting performances of keeping anything I was feeling out of my expression. I would concentrate on speaking to her in a calm voice and discuss it as if it were an everyday ordinary event. (yep should've won an Oscar) It helped keep her anxiety down and made her more inclined to talk more to me about it when I didn't freak out or treat her any differently. In the end, it wound up she talked to me about it more than she would to the professionals. She still does. And we made more progress that way. I think it was comforting her in a way she wouldn't let me do otherwise.

    Your difficult child going thru this now is bringing up the memories of Nichole going thru it. I don't know if it's my holey brain......or the fact that I'd stuffed them down and tucked them away in order to move forward. It reminds me of exactly how far Nichole has come since she was 15.

  8. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I am so sorry she is going through this. You really need to get to the bottom of it though. I know you are trying.
    For us at least, knowing why K hallucinates, makes it a bit easier to deal with.
    Knowing also that she HAS to be on an AP makes that easier as well.
    Sometimes depending on why she is getting these episodes, if she were to take a medication that actually made her feel better, she might realize how important is is to not only have open communication with a Doctor or you and to actually take her medications.

    I think this is easier for K because she has had the Hallucinations for so long that is OK with them and they are a part of who she is.

    But when I was trying to understand what the frick was going on and get answers and help!
    I had to beat down doors, cry, convince people... It was so hard. Kids just don't hallucinate! Or so they want you to believe.
    And even if if something else is going on, they are so quick to discount what you or your child is saying. :(

    I hope you can get in somewhere fast.
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Soooo right toto. Docs would much rather believe it's a case of over active imagination. I came very close to decking a psychiatrist over this very thing.
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I wish I had some answers for frightening for both of you! Sending calming hugs and many prayers that you'll be able to get her in soon.
  11. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    I am so sorry to hear this. I hope you can get her in to someone soon.

    Is there any possibility the hallucinations could be due to Lexapro withdrawal, do you think? A quick google search did turn up some mentions of this, with withdrawal effects lasting from 1 - 8 weeks. I looked into a/d withdrawal when my daughter got sick right after her SSRI trials and some people online feel their withdrawal goes on even longer than that.