I am handling this fine, I think. I'm posting about it anyway because I will feel stronger once I read your responses. I am so grateful you are there. :O) difficult child called this morning. She wanted us to pay for a hotel room for her (and the bad person she is with, I'm sure) for the next 16 days. Barring that, she wanted us to pay for hotel tonight and through the coming snowstorm in the city where she is. I told her I had talked to NAMI in her area, and they had assured me there were adequate resources there for her. I directed her to the shelter they had recommended. She became upset. She said it would be full tonight, because of the storm. She said she doesn't feel safe there, she is hearing voices because she stopped her medicine suddenly, and "those women are crazy and will steal from me". So, she must have spent at least one night there, already. I offered to call her uncle, who lives in the same city. While I don't think they would like it, I am sure they would take her in. She refused. Plus, she wants money for food, daily. I told her I would talk to husband and that she should call later this afternoon. I called the shelter. She would need to register before 4 p.m., but no one will be turned away. They do separate the males and the females. The person must be sober/straight. I came up here to start this post, and difficult child called. The first words I said were that I wasn't giving her any money. We argued about that for a little bit, and she asked to talk to husband. He told her the same, and added that until she was doing what she was supposed to be doing, there would be no money for her. (What she is supposed to be doing is treatment, which is still an option for her. As far as I know, anyway.) We both felt terrible. Especially husband. This is the first time he hasn't sent her something when she needed it. And truthfully, he wanted to send her $150 and tell her not to call again. He would have done it, too. I was waving my hands and whatever telling him no, don't do it. So he got mad at her and said what he said about treatment, instead. So, we were commiserating with one another afterword, and I found myself telling him ~ just like we tell one another, here on the site ~ that no matter what we did, we would feel badly, because this is a bad situation. That helped. But now that we said "No money ~ not for what you're doing and not until you do better.", we feel cleaner, somehow. It's like we have taken a stand. We're no longer sort of pretending with her that what is happening to her is excusable or explainable. One of the reasons she didn't want to stay in the shelter is that they lock you in at 4 p.m. and don't let you out again until 9 a.m. (This came out later, of course. Like that was going to get me to cough up the money for a hotel.) It makes all the difference in the world to know that she has a place to stay if she chooses. That there are places in that city that serve hot dinners. That if she chooses to sleep in an abandoned house again, it was a choice, not a necessity. Boy, this is tough. But it would be just as tough if we'd given her the money or rented the hotel room. Then, we would be sitting here worrying about money and wondering what all this was going to cost by the time it was over. Yesterday, we sent one of our granddaughters $100 to buy herself an outfit. I'm glad we did that. It is good to know we can budget in good things to do for our grands without worrying about what the next difficult child emergency is going to cost. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. Barbara P.S. Okay. So I'm feeling a little guilty right now. Sort of like I'm trying to act like a caring person or a big shot (oh, those negative messages!) while my daughter has no food and is probably cold. And I'm not cold. Or hungry. Ew.