I have a problem with my parents. My dad is driving my mom nuts and she won't say a word to him. She gripes and whines to me and to Jessi constantly though. It has been going on since he had heart surgery about a year ago.
She cannot do anything with-o him telling her how to do it. Neither can ANYONE else that he knows. whether he knows ANYTHING about what is going on or not, he gives directions and hovers over you until you do it his way If he comes in and something is where he wants to put something else, he has a hissy fit. Today he came in with groceries while Jessi was making cookies and he just shoved stuff onto the floor. He came in and interrupted whatever we were doing/saying at least 8 times an hour - ALL afternoon. I counted and was horrified. The things he told us had NOTHING to do with the conversation or what we were doing or anything else. It was literally verbal diarrhea.
In the past when my dad started this behavior, usually during winter break or summer break from his job as a teacher, my mom would tell him firmly that it wasn't okay and he needed to hold his thoughts until she took a break in x minutes. But for some reason she won't even tell him she is annoyed with him. And he is getting much worse. She has a small shed that she uses for sewing and it is in full view of the street. If he has something random to tell her, he just walks up and opens the door. No knock, and even if she is changing clothes to try on something, he just stands there with the door open. She wouldn't even tell him that it was very rude and that he has to knock.
My mom was not ever meek or a shrinking violet. She is the ONLY person who can make several of my uncles stop in their tracks and apologize and not ever repeat whatever it was. But she simply doesn't seem able to tell him about this. The sad thing is that it would break his heart to know he was upsetting her and he would be even more upset that she has spoken to the rest of us for so long with-o ever saying anything to him.
Do I push my mom to tell him what he is doing and that it upsets her? Or push her to set limits like "You can come in 4 times in the next 2 hours, but only 4 times and you have to knock first."? Or do I just leave it ale all alone and pretend she isn't saying so many thing to me?
She cannot do anything with-o him telling her how to do it. Neither can ANYONE else that he knows. whether he knows ANYTHING about what is going on or not, he gives directions and hovers over you until you do it his way If he comes in and something is where he wants to put something else, he has a hissy fit. Today he came in with groceries while Jessi was making cookies and he just shoved stuff onto the floor. He came in and interrupted whatever we were doing/saying at least 8 times an hour - ALL afternoon. I counted and was horrified. The things he told us had NOTHING to do with the conversation or what we were doing or anything else. It was literally verbal diarrhea.
In the past when my dad started this behavior, usually during winter break or summer break from his job as a teacher, my mom would tell him firmly that it wasn't okay and he needed to hold his thoughts until she took a break in x minutes. But for some reason she won't even tell him she is annoyed with him. And he is getting much worse. She has a small shed that she uses for sewing and it is in full view of the street. If he has something random to tell her, he just walks up and opens the door. No knock, and even if she is changing clothes to try on something, he just stands there with the door open. She wouldn't even tell him that it was very rude and that he has to knock.
My mom was not ever meek or a shrinking violet. She is the ONLY person who can make several of my uncles stop in their tracks and apologize and not ever repeat whatever it was. But she simply doesn't seem able to tell him about this. The sad thing is that it would break his heart to know he was upsetting her and he would be even more upset that she has spoken to the rest of us for so long with-o ever saying anything to him.
Do I push my mom to tell him what he is doing and that it upsets her? Or push her to set limits like "You can come in 4 times in the next 2 hours, but only 4 times and you have to knock first."? Or do I just leave it ale all alone and pretend she isn't saying so many thing to me?