New and need advice.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by 10000 Lakes, Feb 27, 2007.

  1. 10000 Lakes

    10000 Lakes New Member

    I actually found this forum awhile ago and never registered because most of the issues we have been facing with our difficult child I found were not unique to our family. I have been able to learn through the various discussions. However, the present problem that we are facing I have not seen discussed so I decided it was time engage.

    A little background on our family—my husband and I have been married 31 years. We have two children. Our daughter is 22 and about ready to graduate from college is truly the easy child. Our difficult child son is 20. He has always been a tougher kid—difficult to potty train, lazy in school, difficult to coach, etc—but the real problems began when he started using pot when he was 16 1/2. He has gone through a wilderness program (finished at the highest level), drug rehab and we kicked him out when he was 18. We have also let him come home twice when we thought that he had reached a bottom to find out that he had not.

    The current situation is that we sent him to a junior college in California this fall--that is a long story. He did complete his GED. He seemed intent on going to school and we also liked the idea that we would be getting away from his peer group. The fall seemed to be going ok. We knew he was having difficulty in math but we received e-mails from his other teachers indicating he was doing ok. Our conversations were going better, he seemed more positive—we were hopeful that he wanted his situation to change. We brought him home over Christmas break and initially he seemed much better but shortly the old behaviors returned. We sent him back early. In the meantime, we had been hearing from his landlord that there were compliments about noise and another kid living with him. We talked to him about these issues and told him if he was evicted that he would be on his own. He has been evicted before. I am sure you can see a pattern if enabling behavior but I think that I have reached my limit. My husband is not exactly on the same page but I do not think he will go against my wishes.

    Here is my present problem. difficult child is scheduled to be evicted this week. However, we just found out he broke his leg according to him by “roughhousing.” Who knows what the real details are. He is having surgery today—the hospital called us about insurance. We do not know if he has found another place to stay. Do we leave a kid homeless who has just had surgery? What would you do? Help!
     
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Hi Lakes- welcome!

    The short answer is that I'd have to fly out there and check out the situation first hand. I could not make this big of a decision long distance. Once there, I'd talk to his landlord and the people at the school to find out as best you can what's really been going on, then I would make a decision.

    Suz
     
  3. judi

    judi Active Member

    Yes, I agree with Suz - you are going to need to go there to see firsthand what is happening. Another option - the hospital social worker or case manager can assist with finding homeless resources.

    I did want to welcome you too.
     
  4. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Welome to the site. I agree with the others that you can't really make this decision without seeing first hand what is going on. On the other hand, you can't just keep paying for him to be in apartments that he's going to be evicted from for not following the rules.

    The most important this is that you and husband make the decisions together, and like I always say, follow your heart!
     
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I wouldn't try to make a decision like that long distance either. I'd go and try to find out what has been going on so I'd have more facts to base my decision on.

    ((hugs))
     
  6. Ally

    Ally New Member

    I have to agree with everyone else. All you are getting from him is hearsay or what he wants you to hear, you need to go and find out exactly what is going on for yourself.

    Allison
     
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