Not sure how to title this!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Just keep swimming, Aug 6, 2007.

  1. Just keep swimming

    Just keep swimming New Member

    Hi family,

    For those of you who know me, you may notice my signature has changed today. We had a nightmarish weekend of major difficult child proportions!

    But, not with Aly, with our 4 yo foster child. He had been with us a little over a month. He came to us with major issues, been molested by older children in his previous foster home.

    The first week he was with us, he tested us majorly with inappropriate behavior, showing himself to Aly. Then the next week he decided to share the wealth with Jayme. Thank God Aly caught him both times before it went any further.

    But, last night, he crossed that line in the sand. My oldest easy child is home for a few days visiting with us and she walked into foster son's room to find him with Jayme's pants and diapers pulled off and Jayme screaming bloody murder. She was sooooo scared. She just kept saying "D scare me, D scare me". I was heart broken, sick to my stomach, scared to death...

    Called his SW and reported incident and they moved him last night. He called me this morning begging to come "home", "I love you mama, please let me come home" OMG!! It was just awful.

    Now I am struggling with whether I should take Jayme to the pediatrician. She doesn't look like she was "injured" in that area. She had a real hard time sleeping last night, I ended up curling up in her little bed and held her most of the night.

    I can't believe this has happened. I feel so badly for D, he is such a messed up little boy. But I am even more afraid for Jayme and Aly, Aly has been so full of anxiety today, we had to give her her PRN medication and let her sleep most of the day.

    I know I need to get Jayme into some sort of counseling, hoping our foster agency will supply that. Not sure we will take any new placements very soon, if ever again.

    I feel so awful for what has happened to this little guy to have him act out like this. We were his 9th placement!!! Just found that out last night!

    Anyways, not sure why I am posting other than to get it all out. Thanks for reading this.

  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    OMG! I'm so sorry this happened to Jayme.

    I would struggle with the decision to go to the pediatrician doctor, too. A pelvic exam in a child so young is very difficult in any case. With what happened, I'd be worried about further trauma. I would, however, get her to a child psychologist ASAP. Maybe call your pediatrician doctor and see what s/he recommends as far as a physical exam.

    What that poor little boy must have gone through in his young little life.

    This is heartbreaking all the way around.

  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Vickie - sorry to hear this. I'm assuming it wasn't just an kid type exploration thing.

    J may be a child who needs to be the only child, or at the very least, the youngest (by many years) child in a family. There is too much at stake for the others & for him. He's so little.

    I hope you're heart isn't to badly bruised or broken this morning. As for J, I expect time will tell if the counseling will be necessary now rather than later. I know for kt, her abuses are being addressed now; it really was all a matter of kt's ability to verbalize what had happened & to process. J just may be too young now.

    Take care of you.
  4. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Such a sad experience and terrifying for your family.....

    I was thinking the same thing about being an only child for this boy. Unfortunately, this could be the direction of his life, hope he can receive some type of counseling that could redirect his interest.....

    Hope your youngest has no lasting trauma.....

    Thinking of you and your family............
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Take Jayme to the doctor. He can verify if there are telltale signs of sexual abuse that you may have missed. I'm so sorry this is happening to your family, but it's simply not safe for D to be a part of your family. Jayme needs to be safe as much as he needs a permanent and loving placement. My prayers go out for you and for D. It sounds like he has a very rough road ahead of him. {{{Hugs}}}
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would take Jayme to the doctor for an exam - not an internal, but for the doctor to get a look to see if he can tell what took place. Even if he does not tell you what happened, it will be in Jayme's medical file if ever there is a need to know just how far this went.

    So sorry for your hurting mommy heart.

  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with taking Jayme to the doctor. I'm so sorry this is happened to your family. Hugs.
  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Oh, Vickie, I am so sorry. You were so happy with this boy. For him to do that, I can only imagine what he had gone through. And now Jayme, that poor thing.

    I agree she needs to be seen. However, it does not need to be done immediately (any "damage" will not change). Jayme needs time before she will let anyone look at her there again, otherwise she may find it traumatic to see a doctor. In the meantime, see if she is able to benefit from counselling, or if she is just too young.

    Big hugs for you and your mommy heart.
  9. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    What a dreadfully sad situation all around, Vickie. I'm so sorry.

    I'd take Jayme to the doctor; I don't think you have much choice. It's for her protection as well as yours to ensure that the powers-that-be know you are doing everything possible to maintain her safety. I know you are and you know you are, but with "the system" so involved in your life I think you need the documentation.

  10. Just keep swimming

    Just keep swimming New Member

    Thank you all for your replies. I had a horrible night, just couldn't sleep. Did a ton of laundry and watched non-sensical TV to keep my mind occupied. I have to take all of D's belongings to my agency today. I am still wrestling with taking Jayme to the pediatrician. I don't want to cause her more trauma, but also know the need for documentation. I will probably call today to get her in later this week. Just can't deal with anymore today.

    Jayme had a fitful night sleep again. But she did stay in her bed and I was able to leave the room. She has wanted to be cuddled and rocked alot more than usual but doesn't seem too upset when we change her pullups. I just hate all this. Was talking to my "sister", the adoptive mom of Jayme's 3 older sisters, and we just cried together. These kiddos came to us already so abused and neglected and the older 3 molested, why did this have to happen? Haven't they been through enough?

    I can tell you if we take any new placements, I will ask a whole lot more questions prior to placement. Or, better yet, I will just take the babies. I do better with them anyways. And it doesn't seem to bother Jayme or Aly when a new baby comes in to our home. They are much less "threatened" by babies than older children. But, then again, D was a HUGE handful, even without his acting out he is a true difficult child!

    Anyways, gotta go get Aly ready for her horse therapy. Hoping to bend therapist's ear on this whole situation. She was also D's therapist and knows him well!!!

    Thanks and hugs,
  11. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    This is so sad. I hope Jayme is okay after all that. You should take her to the pedi. I am surprised the SW didn't havwe you do it.

    What a sad day for your family. Sorry.
  12. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    So sorry this happened. Just horrible. Not even sure what to say.

    I do agree that you should take her to the doctor.

    I think I would stay away from fostering. :sad:

  13. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I'm so sorry this has happened. You need to get her to the doctor asap. I know you're hesitant to cause more trauma. I understand that. Honestly. I've been thru it with a child her age. But I'm not only thinking of documentation here, you need to make certain that she is physically ok.

    Like I said, I went thru this with easy child who was 3 at the time. I got her seen by a specialist who actually did a pelvic exam. This was after having it varified by the pediatrician doctor after she told me what had happened to her. At the time I could care less about documentation, the only thing on my mind was making sure my baby wasn't also physically hurt. However the documentation this also provided became very important down the road.

    I've spoken about this with easy child. She has no memory of the pelvic exam, although yes at the time it was horrible for her. Actually, she seemed to have forgotten about it not too long after the exam. Nor has she had any lasting effects from what had turned out to be a single incident. (thank God)

    Sending warm and gentle (((hugs))) to you both.
  14. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #660000"> vicki, jayme needs to be seen either by her regular pediatrician or by someone he can refer you to who had expertise in this kind of thing. this is just so sad.

    a word of advice from someone who fostered for quite awhile. never, ever take a foster who is older than your YOUNGEST child. it disrupts the order of things & give power to the foster child who is over the age of the youngest child in the home. you might want to change your age parameters until jayme it older by a few years. i'd stick to under two for awhile.

    </span> </span> </span>
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I hate that all ofyou had to go through this. D seems so terribly damaged, he may need a more structured environment for years. For his safety and the safety of others.

    You know he has been molested. You don't know how often, or when, or if HE received medical treatment.

    J must be seen. Documentation be dipped, D may have an infection he could pass on. While rare in children, STD's do occur in cases of molestation. By waiting, or not taking her to the doctor you may very well be endangering her life. Many STD's have NO symptom in males.

    I hate that she has to do this, that you have to do this.

    I hope that D gets an environment where he can heal, grow, and thrive without putting others at risk.


  16. Just keep swimming

    Just keep swimming New Member

    Thanks again, y'all. I have a call into our pediatrician, just want her to call me back at this time to see who needs to check Jayme. Our pediatrician is awesome and will refer this out if she cannot handle it.

    I talked with D's and Aly's therapist today and she insists that the incidents be reported to Victim Witness so that if/when she needs more counseling than Medi-Cal can cover, Victim Witness will cover it. I am sooooo glad I was diligent and wrote up each of the incidents right after they happened and gave copies to the foster agency.

    I also had a long talk with my agency. They are suggesting we take at least a short break and get some good help for Jayme. Then, I said, when we are ready, we will only take 2 yo's or under. husband isn't thrilled by this descision, as he enjoys the older kidlets. But, I will not take a chance like that again with an older child.

    Right now I am just kinda numb. Jayme couldn't settle down this evening, was petrified everytime I got up from the couch. I am praying for a full nights sleep tonight. Really need it!!!!

    Thank you all so much. You have no idea how much it helps to know you all are here and will give great advice!!

  17. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Jayme may not need therapy. The key thing here is that the adults in her family saved her. You stopped D from hurting her.

    I'd have the psychiatrist check her out. I don't think they'd even want to do an internal unless there is external damage.

    I think your decision to only take under 2s is a very sound one.

    So sorry this happened,