One lousy decision after another

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by TerryJ2, Jan 12, 2015.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I want to strangle him.

    First, he's got three Fs in school.
    Second, he's not working and hasn't gone in to check the schedule.
    Third, he had a dental appointment today and ... that's the rest of the story.
    He has a new friend, supposedly just a friend, who is a girl (forgive me if I already explained this). She is a senior and a straight A student. She has a car. She got her license at the same time difficult child did. She is Muslim and wears a hijab.
    difficult child's girlfriend--the one he's supposedly in love with and has been dating for 2-1/2 hrs--does not know that H. comes over to the house a couple of times a wk by herself. (Neither do H's parents. Gulp.)

    So today, I took my cousin, P, from the nursing home to the pain management doctor. I decided to swing by the house so she could use the bathroom, and to see where difficult child was. He had a dental appointment. and every time I tried to call him, he said his phone battery was about to die.
    Not a good sign.

    He and H. were in the living room and I said hello and asked him about the phone. He said he hadn't charged it up yet. It was 3:30 and I can guarantee they were here by 2:30. He had plenty of time to charge it up.
    I told them that Cousin P was here and said, "Oh, H can meet her!"
    difficult child said, "NO!"
    (Cousin P is a former actress and quite flamboyant, has flaming orange/red hair, and she's always in pain from a tailbone that never healed because she became dependent upon oxycodone. She gives difficult child a dollar or two when she sees him.)
    difficult child put on his coat and said he was going to leave. I said, "Oh, that's H's car in the driveway. She can take you to the dentist. You'll be early!"
    She laughed and said, "Oh, okay," in surprise, and took off after difficult child, laughing.

    I took P back to the nursing home, which took about an hour. Just as I was leaving her room, I got a call on my cell ph from the dentist office. "Is difficult child okay? He didn't show up for his appointment."
    :mad::mad::mad::angry-very::angry-very2:
    Of course, he didn't answer his phone. Nor did he answer the home phone.
    I was furious.
    I left a msg on the home phone, and he called a few min. later.
    "I just got home. I had to walk from Chic filet. H dropped me off there and had to go home. She's in trouble."
    "That makes two of you," I said.

    Chic filet is about 4 miles away. The dentist's ofc is 1 mile away. It's right on the way to Chic filet. I asked difficult child why he didn't have H drop him off on the corner and just walk there. "We didn't know what to do!" he said. "She was late and in trouble."

    This, from a kid who argued, "I'm 18 and can do whatever I want."

    "So why are you just calling me now?" (After 5:30) "Because I just got home and got my phone charged up."

    Mmm-hmm. He hears my message on the home phone machine, but can't use that same phone to call me earlier. I really don't know, or care, what to believe.

    We argued a bit when I got home (I try not to argue, but after an entire day with P, who is covered with-urine and hasn't washed her hair in a month, but I washed her hair by tricking her as she washed her hands, and got her in clean clothes, but then she smelled like poop so I was not in a good mood)--I told him that he had to do ALL of his homework tonight and that I was checking it (IOW, everything he's been missing for a month), "You've been making poor choices, one right after the other. You want to be an adult, you want to graduate from HS, you want a car, right? That's all there is to it."

    "I just don't like the tone of voice you're using," he retorted.

    "I'm upset and I deserve to be."

    For some reason, he got the hint and shut up.

    Oh, time for his medications. He keeps forgetting. We found a bunch of lithium and Concerta next to his bed yesterday. He spits it out when husband isn't looking. That explains his crummy moods. Talk about poor decision making. o_O:cry:
     
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow, Terry just reading that brings me back to the world of teenagers and their remarkable ability to be such twerps! I went through some of that stuff when my granddaughter was about 15, I didn't think one of us would live through it. I remember a friend of mine who had a son the same age saying "now I understand why some species eat their young." I thought that was so funny. But when you are in it every single day, it is so exhausting. And, not answering the cell phone is incredible aggravating. Did you know that a mom who had a son who didn't answer her calls created an app for her phone which somehow turned off her sons phone when he didn't answer his mothers calls? You may want to look in to it. I read about it and don't recall anything else, but you can probably Google it.

    Hang in there Terry. In many ways it is typical teen behavior. Obnoxious as it is.
     
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  3. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    "I just don't like the tone of voice you're using," he retorted

    Son, now 18, said to me not more than an hour ago, "The whole 'this is my house' thing is getting old."

    Apparently, I've been saying it a lot lately.:mad:

    I'm so sorry about your day. You have been through the wringer!

    Mine started when I got on the scale this morning, after a week of diet and exercise, and gained two pounds. :(

    Then, two idiotic arguments with the difficult children. They both left to hang out with friends. I'm enjoying the quiet after a long day.

    Quiet, "zenny", vibes sent your way! :notalone:
     
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That made me laugh out loud.
     
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  5. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Wow, you really had a rough day dealing with difficult child and your cousin. First, you are such a special person to be there for your cousin the way you are. I'm sure it's not easy.


    Don't you just love how they try to talk like an adult but there actions never match their mouth.

    Hang in there!! You will get through this.


    Glad I didn't have a mouthful of coffee when I read that or I would have spit it all over the place. Very funny but also very sad.
     
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Why is it that they think they are 'adults' but cannot make a single responsible choice? Talk about logic that makes ZERO sense.

    Sorry things are so rough.

    What is up with P? Why is the staff letting her go so long with-o a bath? They have some legal responsibilities to her and basic care is one. I know that working with the elderly can be very difficult but some of the things that are going on are just not okay. If you are not documenting these things, please start. Then get a medical social worker or someone from the state's elder abuse program to take a look at what is going on. Someone that YOU bring in and not someone that the home brings in. P's condition simply is not healthy for her and if the staff at her present home will not care for her properly then sanctions should happen. it angers me greatly to hear about things like this.

    Have you had any type of discussion with difficult child about why he is spitting his medications out? Does he give you an answer? Can anything be done to address his concerns like changing or adjusting his medications? Or is this just because he can?
     
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Small, embarrassing confession--Twerp was my nickname as a kid. I was decorating an Easter egg and ran out of letters ... rofl
    "their remarkable ability to be such twerps!"
     
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    !!!! I'm on it! Love this!

    Did you know that a mom who had a son who didn't answer her calls created an app for her phone which somehow turned off her sons phone when he didn't answer his mothers calls?
     
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Susiestar--BINGO! "Or is this just because he can?"
     
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    In regard to Cousin P, two staff members have approached me in the hall about her lack of bathing, etc. P will fight them tooth and nail. She just refuses. They cannot force her. In fact, when I signed the paperwork, there was a section that said they do not use restraints.
    It's a Catholic Medicaid facility. Not sure if that explains anything.
    Except that the "regular" hospital in Minn that took my dad in for a very short time two yrs ago used restraints on him. He was in the next-to-last stages of dementia and extremely violent.
    Anyway, she's very, very stubborn, a difficult child in her own right. She's got histrionic personality disorder, among other things, and works herself into a tizzy. There just isn't enough Ativan in the world, for her or for me. :) Although I prefer wine.
    I'm thinking I'm bringing in my swimsuit next week and dragging her into the shower with me. I'll play "Singing in the rain" while I lock the bathroom door.
     
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So, we had difficult child sit at the kitchen table last night and work on his history notebook for over an hour. He finished several pps.
    Problem is--get this--he didn't write down WHICH pages were supposed to be done. So he just randomly wrote in pages.:wornout::huh::halfdead:
    I mean, couldn't he at least remember if the teacher was talking about George Washington or the Industrial Revolution?
    He said he texted a friend, who used her cell phone to photograph the board. He was waiting and waiting for her response (lame excuse).
    I asked him why he didn't photograph the board. "Because then the teacher will take my phone away."
    (Deep breath.)
    "So why didn't you take written notes?"
    "I don't know."
    He skipped a huge paragraph on one page because he didn't have his book on the Progressive Era.
    I typed in "Industrial Revolution led to the Progressive Era" on my laptop and handed it to him.
    No more excuses.
    And I *think* he took his medications in front of me at the table, although I didn't actually check his lap ...
    He's got a test today in that class so I hope it brings up his grade. At least he'll remember part of the work he did last night.

    by the way, I think that part of H's allure is her exoticism, part is her willingness to break the rules (her fave hobby), and part is the fact that she has a car. :(
     
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Annnnnddd, he just broke up with-his girlfriend.
    No surprise, but it's sad that he seems to have hit bottom.
    He seems to have accepted that he has no job, as well, although I may force the issue by making him apologize to his supervisor.
     
  13. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    He is living "being" 18 with a vengeance.
     
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    :angry-very:Skipped the second dentist appointment today.
    I called their office 4X looking for him.
    SO mad at him.
    Drove to his ex-girlfriend's house and she very generously texted him. He even ignored her.
    Drove home and saw his *new* girlfriend's car in the driveway. Blocked it in. Actually smiled when I did it.
    Came in, kicked her out, told him to go upstairs and clean his room. And that he owes the dentist a $50 no-show fee. And he makes his own appointments from now on.
    The dental receptionist said, "He's just being 18."
    Ya think so?
    To his credit, he said, "I have no excuse."
     
  15. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You have a great dental receptionist! Maybe she's had a handful of an 18yo of her own...
     
  16. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    LOL You need a superwoman cape!
     
  17. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That made me laugh. I can picture you Terry running from girlfriend to girlfriend with the cape flying behind you, kicking doors in.....

    ....don't be messin' with the Mother of an 18 year old, you won't be winnin'.
     
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  18. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Oh my...horribly stressful. Love the superwoman cape idea! Have you seen or heard about the book" Yes, your teen is crazy!" It's great.
    Take extra good care of yourself.
     
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

  20. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I hope you are able to relax a little this weekend, I mean after you take off your cape.
     
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