oppositional and defiant difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by upallnight, Dec 15, 2007.

  1. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    difficult child has not been doing so well working with husband. husband had gotten difficult child into the carpenters union- it's not easy to get into, you have to know someone. It's a good living for someone who hasn't gone to college, and who is a difficult child. Great salary and benenfits. difficult child gets to work and doesn't work. husband is the foreman, difficult child's boss.difficult child has been talking back, and last week he made fun of husband in front of the other men there and husband pushed difficult child to the ground!!! (How crazy and dysfunctional is this?) So husband said he's getting rid of difficult child. difficult child know's this is the best thing in terms of a living he can have right now, he doesn't care. I told husband never to yell at him, when this happens, just tell him to pack his tools and go. Tell him to try again tomorrow. Enough times of husband sending him home immediately, maybe he'll get the message.

    Also,..difficult child moved away from where he was living, near the jobs, to near us. He doesn't have a way to get to work now, and has been getting rides from husband, but there are times when they are at different jobs and difficult child doesn't have a way to get there. He calls husband threating to not go, unless husband gets him there. husband is detatched and won't be talked to like that. difficult child has been getting rides, bumming them so to speak with other men who work for husband. He needs a vehicle. Now that he has money husband mentioned he needs to get one, and start saving for a deposit, or even you can put little or no money down at places. Well difficult child mentioned he doesn't even have a bank account, he owes credit card bills and never paid a dime on them, he only owes $400- he's ruining his credit for like $30 a month( I guess that's how much the payment would be)I'm sure that's really not he true amount anyway.

    husband dropped difficult child off at he bank after payday Wed. so he could open one up. He called me on my way home from work, and I went to the bank and got difficult child and drove him home. On the way, all I heard was about -difficult child B.S. and lies, you know where they change their story around every second until it resembles nothing like it started out to be. I just didn't answer, I just said, "hmm..." and "really?". Whatever, thank goodness I don't have to deal with this much and am not engaging this. The next day difficult child went to work and told husband that I said this and that and aren't I awful. To make a long story short. husband knows difficult child and his pathalogical lying and he said, "hmm" and "really"also.

    We just patted ourselves on the back and are glad he doen't live here, and everything we did- the restraing order- was the right thing, if not difficult child would right now be laying on our couch never even working. He had some life lessons I'm sure throughout, but he's still completely ODD.-Alyssa
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Sounds like he needs to be part of a crew that doesn't involve his dad. I do like the idea of just sending him home when he starts acting up -- don't do the job, don't get the pay. Your son needs to step up. Your husband needs to back down as dad and be the boss on the job. I doubt he would get into fighting/arguing matches with another apprentice, so why let his son get away with it?

    I love the hmmms and really's. They are so non-committal and save so many arguments. Well, in most homes, anyway. (Here, they just become you're not listening to me arguments -- anything to engage.)

    I hope your son gets it before real life bites him in the rear and he loses a job that could truly become a good future.
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    OH ....

    I was so hopeful when you wrote your post and said that difficult child was working with husband and getting along well. The honeymoon hu?

    I can totally understand why husband did what he did to difficult child - he figured if he gets disrespected by his own son in front of his workers - it will and would have started with them. I've worked construction too long to know how the ego goes with the status. IT wasn't the right thing to do, but it wasn't necessarily the wrong thing to do.

    The hmss and reallys" BRAVE!

    I remember when it got so close to blows in our house - part of me thinks if husband had put difficult child in his place somethings would have stopped behavior wise - and then there is a part of me that knows difficult child was abused by his bio father and it would have ruined their relationship (DF and Dude) The restraint DF showed at times was beyond amazing to me.

    I also think the idea of working at separate places is a good idea. Finding out Mummy and Dada aren't going to bail you out - very good life lesson.

    Hugs for it all - and for staying sane in a field of macho buffalos