These are all such thoughtful and interesting comments. Thanks everyone... I'll see if I can respond to some of it but some I just have to think about ....
In general Q does understand about death. He has been to funerals and our cat died two years ago and he asked if it was normal to cry about things that much. He has often said that after he dies he will come back and not have a broken brain etc. I have (even though truth is I wonder at times) told him that he wont come back as Quinton. At first I played it close to our religious beliefs and said his soul would be in heaven and his body wouldn't work anymore at all (not all at once, but as the conversation played out I had to clarify to this level). At some point over the years he kept on with the "coming back" thing and I did tell him that some people believe our souls can come back in another form...but he would not come back as Quinton if that is true and sure enough he GOT that, I underestimate him at times. So he has not said he is going to kill himself anymore for THAT purpose (that is why I was wanting to clarify for him because his thing really was to just fix the problems and resume his life).
I too remember being afraid of dying, I can relate to that. I think for Q it is not about the dying process. It is about not wanting to die young. He wants to be the oldest person left. He worries about a similar concept when we go places he barely can enjoy the experience because he doesn't want to be the first to leave. He never likes to feel he is missing out on the party, LOL. This little rash he has had recently?? (I think I posted??? He has these little pimple like bumps) he is worried is a disease and he will die soon and I told him that TeDo's son has them too and lots of people have them and he felt much better). He will actually ask me if he gets a cold... Will you please tell me I am not going to die?? He always says thanks after so I think this is one of his ongoing obsessive worries. It started when he was quite young, maybe 2nd grade but has increased recently.
Remember I said during the first week after I took him out of school that EVERY anxiety and upset he had had for his life was coming up. He would lie in bed and tell me he is still worried where his pokemon cards (that are ALL gone and he has none of for years but were a big deal maybe 5 years ago) went one weekend when we took a trip. (we found them, he just wonders why they got lost etc)....he has been bringing up things he did that got him in trouble and wondering if it is ok iwth God that he said sorry, does he really forgive him etc. So another layer of it is his worry that he will go to Heck. Again, he got that idea from his little childrens bible but I do not tell him that. Without giving him free ride to go off and hit me whenever he wants, I have said God knows when you are having trouble because of your "issues" (that is what he calls it). He knows when you are trying your best and knows that it is extra hard for you. I remind him that he is loved every single minute by God and me and even when I am angry with him I still always love him. He brings that up himself at times so I know he understands it. (even the other day when I went off the deep end he said to ME, did you just say that because you were so mad?? and I said yup, that was it, you know I always love you right?? he said yes so I do try to comfort him).
Mostly I think for him, while there are layers, he has this obsessive thought problem.....he worries and loses sleep over it, and it has been about bad guys, osama bin laden, death, spiders, snakes, different subjects. Right now he is stuck on death.
Still, the only way I have been able to help him before is to let him talk and help him thru it. Sometimes I just have to do what you do with little kids (like I say there are no bad guys in our city).... or he can't sleep at all. He actually tells me what he needs me to say at times. Says it helps him turn off his mind. So, I do it.
So, I will take the angles you all shared and listen carefully for how to approach it because this one keeps popping up and I'd like to help him end it.