She's not bad enough

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mjhawks, Mar 18, 2015.

  1. mjhawks

    mjhawks Member

    Since we got back DQ's official diagnosis, I've been doing tons of research on DMDD. I conclude that she is not DMDD. I've read the list of criteria in the DSM-5, and she doesn't fit the bill. Further, the recommended medications for DMDD are stimulant, as it should be treated similar to ADHD. So tell me why they didn't change her medications, and she is still on psyco-tropics? I will be calling a NEW medication doctor. My theory is, if she is truly DMDD, the stimulants should work. And if not, this will be a way to rule that out. She will be getting the oral swab for chemistry testing. Not that I think these Docs give a crap!!!

    I also learned that a lot of Dr's are giving the new diagnosis, so as to not give them the Bipolar tag. I understand why they are doing it, because BiPolar (BP) became the new ADD and the increase in diagnoses went up 4000%. But that doesn't mean it's always right. Just because you don't want them to be Bipolar, doesn't make it so!!!

    AND... in working with the in-home therapist (who is great) DQ has a set of treatment goals. I have demanded a date for each of the 3 goals to be met. I'm tired of hearing, "I'm working on it" I want to know when I can expect to see change. Either, she will complete the goal, or we will call it a fail.
    So we set goal dates.

    Then it was up to her therapist and I to decide what happens should she not meet the goals. There are a couple options here.
    She could go to Commonwealth Challenge. Basically a 6 month boot camp for troubled teens run by the National Guard. BUT it's voluntary. If she says she doesn't want to do it, they won't take her!!! UNLESS she is ordered by the court to complete the program.

    There is a long term residential treatment center that I've already talked to. They said she sounds like the perfect candidate. It's not voluntary. But her funding for the program would have to be approved by a state run board.

    There are also a couple of shorter term treatment centers. Funding would also have to be approved by the same board.

    And now for the kicker. The therapist talked to her supervisor. They don't think the board will approve funding for her. Because they will compare her to kids who have committed serious crimes. Kids who repeatedly assault their parents. The ones who might be strung out on meth. The ones who run away on a weekly basis.

    I inquired about calling Child protective services, and saying this kid is so bad, I fear I may beat her. They said CPS would take Itty Bit too!!!

    And then the therapist said, "And honestly, I think it would do more damage to DQ, to send her away. She'll feel abandoned. We want to do what is best for her well-being." I looked at her and said, "Yeah? When do I get to worry about what good for her well-being?" And pointed to Itty Bit who was happily riding her bike around the court.

    I am dead set on calling the police over any criminal actions. I keep a log of threats and extreme behavior. But I am seriously scared. I'm afraid I am going to snap. I'm constantly on edge. Always waiting for the next blow out. And so help me God, if that child hits me or Itty Bit, I don't think I will be able to hold back from beating her a** !!! And... I'm angry that the system has put us in this position.
  2. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I had CPS knock on my door last summer, and I told the case worker that my biggest fear is that they would take Easy Child away from me because of Difficult Child's behavior. She told me that that is not something that would happen, but I don't believe her. With my luck, they would take Easy Child and leave Difficult Child here with me. And I don't blame you for being angry at the system. You need help!!

    I know you said that you are dead set against calling the police, but that may be your only option. If she get violent, either towards you or Itty Bitty, she is committing a crime. I've called the police on my son three times, and it was never an easy thing to do, but on all of those occasions it HAD to be done, not just for my own safety, but for his safety as well. It's not just about her. This is now about the entire family.

    If this child were a legal adult (over 18) and you had to send her away because finger violent outbursts, no one would say a word, but because she's a "child" you have to give it the good old college try, and that just doesn't work sometimes.
  3. mjhawks

    mjhawks Member

    Not set against calling the police at all. I've done it. Multiple times. And I've been advised we need a paper trail, so calling the police is in our best interest.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    "She's not bad enough."

    If I had a dollar for every time we heard this, I'd have paid for most of the extra treatment options we had to pay out of pocket.

    Mad at the system? Yes, I get it.
  5. DawnMM

    DawnMM New Member

    If you call CPS you wouldn't want to say that you might hit her. I better thing to stay is that she may hit you or your other child. We should not have to wait until the child is, "bad enough."
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I second Dawn. Do call CPS. They CAN be helpful. It depends. If you ask for help, well, they have the resources an d the pull. But don't say YOU may abuse her or they may think you are a threat to Itty Bitty. I'd say you're afraid she may hurt somebody in the house or even outside the house and that it seems she has no conscience. CPS is used to kids without consciences. Most of the kids in foster have have levels of attachment disorder which is basically....weak or no consciences. Stress that you think she needs 24/7 help and you may get residential, which I feel would be best for both her and your family. She is a danger at home. That's no good for you OR for her.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I have dealt with CPS. Tell them that you are terrified of her hurting Itty, that she is doing things to purpose upset and scare Itty and you. Tell them that you are afraid to leave them alone in the same room without because of the things Difficult Child has threatened/tried to do.

    Stress that you are doing all you know to do to keep both kids safe but it is not enough because Difficult Child is very determined to get to Itty.

    This will help you get CPS to work with you and not against you. Jusst don't get upset at their questions and take the parenting classes willingly and be cooperative with them. You get them on your side and you are golden.