I knew it was coming. Lil bro had told me she was going to call me to "warn" me about mom. lol I suppose I shouldn't laugh. It's probably hard on them emotionally......but dang it, it has been staring them in the face their whole lives. Not to mention I've been telling them since I was in high school that mom was paranoid at the very least and I strongly suspected she was schizo. Sis's intentions are good. I can't exactly say the same for lil bro, though. Conversation started out fine. How ya doing? and all that stuff. But I knew what was coming. Sis did pretty well......didn't get upset or whatever. But is hurt mom is saying they did stuff to her and took things from her. I didn't give her the answer she was looking for, no empathy from me, sorry. I did tell her that if you put mom into a stressful situation it kicks her anxiety into high gear, when her anxiety is in high gear her paranoia flips into high gear. I for the life of me don't know how the other kids somehow did not pick up on this during the course of a lifetime....... Sis says well she is a control freak. Um, yes she is. A person with high anxiety usually IS a control freak because they're attempting to control their environment in order not to kick their anxiety up to an uncomfortable level. I explained to sis that the move to Texas was too big of a step too fast. It was too far from the rest of the family. It made mom feel vulnerable and out of control, kicked her anxiety into overdrive, kicked her paranoia into overdrive......and well, after that it was pure mom on steroids. Sis says well you don't understand, she accused niece of stealing her things. She kept hiding things from brother in law. She kept fretting over her money and the darn house. Every morning she'd pour over her papers and fret and then start accusing everyone of everything. I told her yes, I most certainly DO understand as that behavior started on me in childhood. (seriously where were these people??) If I can't talk her down out of the anxiety and reason with her with the paranoia I ignore it. My kids know to ignore it, for pete's sake.......they knew before they were out of grade school. omg I told sis that anyone who truly knows Mom knows her behavior well enough to sort through fact from fiction. I explained to her that I knew they didn't steal from mom, nor were they "out to get her". She tried to do what she thought was the right thing and it backfired. (mostly because she has no clue how to deal with mom) Sis tells me she's warning me not to talk mom into coming and living with me. I laughed. I said I'm not talking her into anything. I told her she is always welcome here, period. BUT that she had to get all her affairs in order and the house sold before she left because to do otherwise would drive her nuts with worry. (true) I told sis that I told mom she can come and go as she pleases.......get her own apartment, whatever. I'm easy going that way. I'm not quite sure she understood that part. Because if mom is mentally ill, they all seem to believe she can't possibly take care of herself. Which of course we know is not true. Then of course she tells me mom can't sell the house unless all us kids sign the contract. I told her flat out that lil bro hasn't got a clue wth he is talking about. That was totally bogus. Mom is still legally competent and can do whatever she darn well pleases with her own home or anything else she owns. I told her she'd better stop listening to lil bro. I just went through this with mother in law not that long ago and I know what I'm talking about. I also told her they could forget going to court to attempt to get her declared incompetent because at this point a judge will throw it out. Any person who can "micro manage" their financial affairs ect is in no way shape or form incompetent to handle their own affairs. The "micro manage" was sis' term, not mine...so she knows mom can still handle her own affairs. The only thing that has changed with mom is that since her last husband died she has had more issues hiding the symptoms of her diagnosis. Not too surprising as it often happens with the elderly. If my sibs had paid attention all these years, none of this would be such a "shock" to them. Sis seemed surprised that I knew exactly what she was talking about and it didn't phase me in the least. Seemed to take all the wind out of her sails. After talking with sis I know for certain lil bro filled her head with a bunch of bull hockey. I'm really not liking lil bro right now too much at all. Sis did try to convince me that mom asked to come live with them and was "eager" to go. Now this? Was sis trying to save face. That is just too far out of character for mom to even consider it. She despises Texas, can't tolerate sis' husband.......and sis' kids have a tendency to grate on her nerves. And mom told me before they left it was only temporary.....she was telling me that right after sis arrived and when she came to visit before heading to Texas. I won't argue the point with her if I can avoid it. Having this blow up in her face had to hurt, and I know it. Sis is supposed to be calling me back in a couple of days if I don't call her first. What for, I dunno. Maybe she wants to talk about this more......I don't see much to talk about. But if she wants to talk, I'll talk. Maybe I can convince her to stop listening to lil bro at the very least. If mom comes here and she is bad symptom wise, I will handle it. I have experience handling it. Too much. I have a facility in town that would help me handle it as well as a psychiatrist I trust. It wouldn't be pleasant, but I'd deal with it. But I also know better how to relate to her to help keep her anxiety levels low and not play in to the paranoia. I have no issues detaching when it comes to my mom. I have years and years and years of practice. I am having more issues comprehending how on earth my sibs grew up with this woman, had her in their lives as adults.......and somehow never quite "got it" that their mother is mentally ill. Ignorance? I dunno, too many serious difficult children in the family for that. Denial? Really? We're talking a lifetime of some serious out there behavior. wow.