I am glad you gave us an update. It feels so scary to tell someone that you are in that deep a hole, doesn't it? somehow it is easier to try to fix things for others - you don't have to see your own depression then.
Even though you have worked for a hot line, and it isn't "your thing" you might just keep the # rattling in your brain. As for seeing any doctor - go to the county dept of health and tell them you need to see a doctor. They will have a free clinic.
It is hard to take "charity". But honey, for you it isn't charity. It is simply giving back after all the years and bills and things you have paid so your daughter could have some emotional health. and if YOU hadn't paid those things, the "system" would have, and would have paid MORE. So- go to the clinic, see a doctor, let them know you are totally broke. They will still treat you and you have EARNED that treatment a thousand times over by raising the daughter you love.
Yes , you love her. But you STILL could have taken the "easy" way out and ignored her problems or turned her over to foster care or even for adoption. You stuck with her.
Now it is time for the rest of the community to help YOU. There is no shame in going to the Free Clinic. You just get in your car, turn it on, drive to the Health Dept and say "I need to see a doctor. Now."
Or you get in the car, turn it on, and drive to the hospital with an ER. You walk in and tell them you have no money and you need to see a doctor desperately. They CANNOT turn you away. NO matter what time, no matter what problem.
We love you. I know you are not really comfortable with hugs, so I will just sit and pat your hand or give you a gentle hair brushing. Something small and comforting.
And I will bring your favorite soup and make you my special hot cocoa or lattes (with or without mocha - your choice) and some of the awesome brownies Jessie is baking.
No matter what else is going on - know you are loved.
Susie
Even though you have worked for a hot line, and it isn't "your thing" you might just keep the # rattling in your brain. As for seeing any doctor - go to the county dept of health and tell them you need to see a doctor. They will have a free clinic.
It is hard to take "charity". But honey, for you it isn't charity. It is simply giving back after all the years and bills and things you have paid so your daughter could have some emotional health. and if YOU hadn't paid those things, the "system" would have, and would have paid MORE. So- go to the clinic, see a doctor, let them know you are totally broke. They will still treat you and you have EARNED that treatment a thousand times over by raising the daughter you love.
Yes , you love her. But you STILL could have taken the "easy" way out and ignored her problems or turned her over to foster care or even for adoption. You stuck with her.
Now it is time for the rest of the community to help YOU. There is no shame in going to the Free Clinic. You just get in your car, turn it on, drive to the Health Dept and say "I need to see a doctor. Now."
Or you get in the car, turn it on, and drive to the hospital with an ER. You walk in and tell them you have no money and you need to see a doctor desperately. They CANNOT turn you away. NO matter what time, no matter what problem.
We love you. I know you are not really comfortable with hugs, so I will just sit and pat your hand or give you a gentle hair brushing. Something small and comforting.
And I will bring your favorite soup and make you my special hot cocoa or lattes (with or without mocha - your choice) and some of the awesome brownies Jessie is baking.
No matter what else is going on - know you are loved.
Susie