So when will there be a conduct disorder board for boyfriends?!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by daralex, Aug 2, 2008.

  1. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    Just a quick vent - sorry! Sometimes I just wish there would be a conduct disorder forum for boyfriends/spouses/significant others. Just when you think the waters are safe they go ahead and say something so momumentally stupid you want to give them a time out! I have to say that I'm very lucky - my boyfriend is really great 99% of the time. It's just that when the other 1% comes out I want to smash his head with a large frying pan. I'm sure we will have a long conversation and in the end everything will be ok - but right now I feel like burying him in the backyard.
    I believe the phrase that started my anger was him saying that because I have a hard time dealing with the fact that my difficult child's rapist got off scott free it is now effecting our relationship. Well, gee, you think maybe it effects me as well and that I might be having a hard time dealing with it and his support is what I need - not another form of stress to remind me that I can't always push that thought out of my head??!! Why do they have to be so stupid?

    Anyway - thank you for an avenue to vent. If I didn't get this one out of my head I think it would have spontaneously combusted.
  2. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    {{{{{HUGS}}}}} Dara.
    It's true, sometimes you do just want to deck them.
    Sorry for your hurting mommy heart AND for your boyfriend's insensitive words.

    The issue about which he's being insensitive raises a red flag for me though. If boyfriend is having trouble understanding the level of pain, anger and grief you feel because your daughter's attacker was let off, his perspective worries me. I would think it would be obvious even to a total stranger that having your daughter's rapist walk free is a huge trauma, for your daughter AND for you.

    Grrrrrr . Go ahead and vent. I would also suggest taking some time to really think about what's best for you and for your difficult child, so that your boyfriend understands the role he needs to fulfill

  3. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    Thank you for your encouragement - I didn't have the heart to tell my daughter that after the courts dragged her 7 states away to testify 3 years later (last October) that he was let off. So it's almost like I am the only one that knows he is still walking around out there. I just didn't see anything constructive coming from telling her the news. She thinks he is locked up. It may have been a mistake onmy part, but I just couldn't tell her. I was really afraid what it would do to her.But, yeah, I think boyfriend understands why I'm having such a hard time letting go of all this - he just wants me to get over it sooner than I'm able to. I never thought he would say such a thing to me. What a shmuck! ( . . . vent, vent, vent . . .)
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Yeah, I know what you mean. My H has a knack of finding the exact wrong time to say wrong thing and sending my head (and mood) into a tailspin.

    Don't kill him, just don't feed him.

    Vent away!
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I understand where you are coming from. None of my kids were abused but I was years ago. It has been (quick...let me count back...2008-1980=28) 28 years now and it still bothers me. Tony tries to the best of his limited ability to understand that this happened to me but he really thinks that it has been a long time and I should be past it all by now. I have threatened to kick him in the gonads and ask him if he would ever get past that? LOL.