Somebody just talk to me!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DammitJanet, May 9, 2007.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I tell you, taking care of someone who you are trying not to let get emotional is killing me! It doesnt help that he is blowing up over everything, Cory is refusing to attempt to de-esculate anything, and the overall stress level in this house is somewhere in the ozone layer.

    I think part of the problem is that husband's brain isnt working quite right so he is more irritable. Who can blame him? His body just had quite an attack.

    Then add in the fact that because of all the problems we have had with Cory, everything he does seems to grate on husband's last nerve right now. I dont care what Cory does, it irritates husband. He can simply breathe and its wrong right now.

    Then we add me into this mix. Im running around trying to plug up all the outbursts and Im not all that good at it. Im usually the one that is doing the bursting. Now Im getting in between the two of them and playing referee.

    I just had to get into it over dinner. I swear this may be the diet I needed cause I cant stomach food right now. husband said something he probably shouldnt have to Cory about dinner. Then Cory starts back yelling and screaming at him and it was on. The whole cussing fit. I went out and told Cory to just leave the room and eat in his room. This nonsense had to stop and everyone needed to calm down. Well that didnt work. Cory kept on saying that he wasnt leaving the room, blah blah blah. husband is getting more and more agitated and he is yelling back at Cory. Ugly words were said.

    I finally put my foot down and told Cory that I really didnt care what happened or what was right anymore but that from now on I was not having any stress or outbursts in my house and if he couldnt just shut up, he could leave. I point blank told him that his father meant more to me at this point in my life than him or any of my kids and I would see us living alone before I was gonna risk his health for ONE MORE SECOND!

    Cory wasnt pleased to put it lightly. He started cussing at us and said he hoped husband would have another stroke and die this time. Then he threw his plate of food in the trash and stormed out. He says he isnt coming home again but we shall see.

    Now his dad is an emotional mess. He is falling apart because he says this blow up was all his fault and that he shouldnt have said anything to Cory. Well maybe he shouldnt have but he is under an enormous strain right now and we have to give him some leeway right now. And personally, I dont care what he said to start it, Cory can shut up and not agitate things. But poor husband is beside himself now. This man never cries...well only if something happens to me or one of the kids, but he was sitting in the chair with tears rolling down talking about how wrong it is that he cant even get along with his son. I feel so bad and so helpless.

    Ok...thanks for the vent...I needed it. No one to talk to who can listen right now and my "rock" crumbled a bit on me.
  2. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    I haven't been on the board much. I had no idea your husband had a stroke. I'm so sorry. How is he doing? Will he recover fully?

    Sounds like Cory does need to just suck it up at this point. His dad is in poor health.


  3. skeeter

    skeeter New Member

    aw, Janet - I've been busy, so have just "caught up" on all your troubles.

    You and husband have been through a CRISIS! No one is thinking "right" right now, and who can blame you? Honestly, Cory will live if you lay down the law. I'm not so sure about you and husband if things don't change!!

    And, I'm sure husband is scared stiff, but not willing or able to show it. So of course he's going to say "inappropriate" stuff. Who wouldn't?

    I think you need some time and distance right now. If Cory, or anyone else, can't understand that - tuff crap! You need some peace, and if kicking everyone out and changing the locks is what's needed, go ahead and do it.

    I wish there was some way I could personally help - but you have my thoughts and prayers.
  4. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Hey Janet! I know these corys can get right under our skin in a matter of seconds.

    Not at all saying to choose between the two, but husband and you will be in that home alone one day. husband takes care of you and loves you. You need husband.

    You do not need a sour mouth grown kid voicing his opinion in your home.

    I would go back to Janet's way or the highway. husband is overstressed and he desrves to be able to lose it with cory after all you two have been through with him.

    Cory should be happy and satisfied to have a roof and food.

    I know that is so easy to type and so hard to do! Sorry, I have a sourmouth entitled corey as well.

    Sending hugs for you and husband too, tell him not to be so hard on himself. If his son was living right he COULD get along with him
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I'm so sorry to hear about husband's stroke. Is he alright?? OMG!

    You're right. You and husband are in it for the long haul. Corey is grown and should rightfully be out on his own. Your job right now is to protect the health and well being of yourself and husband. If that means Corey needs to go elsewhere, then so be it.

    Is there anywhere else Corey can stay during all of this??

    So sorry my friend.

  6. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    Janet you did the right thing kiddo!! And so did husband!! Cory needs to see there are bigger problems than his right now. He also needs to feel the consequences of his behavior.

    Don't apologize, you're doing good!! hang in there my friend.

    All my best Pony((((Hugs)))) to you! :salute:

  7. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dammit Janet</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
    Cory wasnt pleased to put it lightly. He started cussing at us and said he hoped husband would have another stroke and die this time. </div></div>

    Is he 2 years old?!! He's too old for that crap.

    {{{{HUGS}}}} You're stress level has to be through the roof.
  8. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I'm sorry, Janet. Your husband is probably scared spitless about having a stroke and who can blame him? Of course he would be irritable and emotional.

    Cory has two choices- button his lip or put on his walking shoes. I read on another thread that someone suggested revoking his bail so that he can cool his heels in jail while waiting for court. If Cory continues to be a PITA, that sounds like a very viable option as well.

  9. KFld

    KFld New Member

    O.k., he's really ticking me off. You should have let him sit in jail. How dare he not even care about his fathers health enough to keep his mouth shut, no matter what!!!!!

    " finally put my foot down and told Cory that I really didnt care what happened or what was right anymore but that from now on I was not having any stress or outbursts in my house and if he couldnt just shut up, he could leave. I point blank told him that his father meant more to me at this point in my life than him or any of my kids and I would see us living alone before I was gonna risk his health for ONE MORE SECOND! "

    Good for you!! Now stick to it!!!

    Can you tell I'm angry?????? Wishing his father would have another stroke. I would have kicked him out on his ear right then and there and told him I didn't care where he slept!!!!
  10. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #000099"> janet, mood lability is not at all unusual for people post stroke....even mild ones. it will take some time for that to settle down.

    i hadn't realized you had posted cory's bail & had him back in the house. i'm sorry, but i don't understand why you did either. if he's going to continue to cause all these problems for you & husband it's definitely time for him to find someplace else to lay his head. if jarrod had done what cory did that day as well as all those other charges he wouldn't even attempt to come home. he knows better.

    i'm sorry thing are in such an uproar.

    </span> </span> </span>
  11. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Hi Janet,
    I didn't realize either than Cory was back with you. He's 20 yrs old, he needs to get a grip. Your husband's health is the most important thing right now, he does not need this stress. I'm sorry he is feeling guilty and like it is his fault. I'm glad you told Cory that husband is most important to you. Hope Cory either shapes up or leaves.
  12. amstrong

    amstrong New Member

    i agree with most af all that has been said. it is your house, you make the rules. cory can do it your way or he can hit the road-event the revocation of bail doesn't sound too bas which will force him out, force him to face his consequences and maybe think for a change and give you guys the peace you need.

    i am keeping you all in my prayers.

    giant, gentle hugs,
  13. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Janet, As Chris stated, depression and mood swings are normal after a stroke and they can take months to subside. Your husband needs a peaceful home and a spouse that is both calm and refreshed. Cory is not alowing either of you this. you are stressed, tired and overwhelmed as a direct result of Cory's actions. Both you and your husband need cory out of the house. He is not ready to change and he is under stress also that is just exacerbating his explosiveness. I'm sorry that Cory has put you in the position to have to choose between him and a peaceful home but it is time to act. -RM
  14. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    janet I am sorry as you ae obviously torn here between Cory and his trouble and husband
    not too many good answers for sure. they are both stressed to the max and trickling in down to you.
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know we made a huge mistake bailing cory out. We did it so that he could get to an appointment with mental health. This was really unwise but we didnt know his court dates were so soon...and then when we found out, that actually made things better. Now I dont know. The one good thing about this mental health agency is that they are going to be helping him with finding a place to live. This court stuff could drag on awhile.

    As far as me being calm and refreshed...lmao. I really have to laugh at that because I am the farthest thing from a calm person under normal circumstances and this is taxing me completely. I told my therapist we may need to bump me to twice a week for the short term to help me stay calm. This whole thing has pushed my anxiety level through the roof.

    Luckily for us, my therapist has also offered to do some recovery therapy with us. That should help.
  16. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    It sounds like you have a wonderful therapist. I'm glad you have someone like that to lean on.

    Hang in there, hon.
  17. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    janet, do what you can and what you cant leave it up to the good Lord.
  18. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Janet, as you know our difficult children wear us down on a GOOD day, let along when everyone is tense over your husband's recent medical scare. Our difficult children also don't know how to handle it when all of a sudden all of our attention is not riveted on THEM. You've done the right thing and put your priorities out there. I wish you weren't having to go through this after all you've been through this week, but you can handle it and everything will once again get on an even keel. Sometimes it's hard to be strong....and that's when we have to be strongER!
  19. CAmom

    CAmom Member

    Janet, not that this is any excuse for Cory's behavior, but, I know with my younger son (17 1/2) ANY illness my husband and/or I have scares him to death! As he HATES to feel afraid and anxious, it makes him angry, and he blasts out.

    Could Cory also be scared about your poor husband's (prayers to him and you) illness and reacting as such.

    Again, don't mean to say that this would be an excuse, but, if the above is the case, maybe the blowup will relieve some tension, and you can all start to talk now.

    All that said, I agree with putting your husband first right now. He certainly doesn't need any extra stress while he's trying to recover.
  20. AliceLee

    AliceLee New Member

    Janet, sorry you and husband are feeling so much stress. Give yourself and husband a great big hug for me. You are absolutely right to say that husband means more to you than any of the kids...that's the way it should be in most cases.

    I didn't know that husband had had a stroke either...was this recent? Sorry you're struggling.