Steely
Active Member
I seriously get so upset at the injustices that happen to Matthew. I mean blood boiling, I am gonna knock someone out angry. When the program he is in does something stupid, unprofessional, or unethical I want to unleash holy fury on them.
For the most part this program is amazing, and it is turning his life around - so I should be thankful. A billion times over thankful.
However this last 2 weeks some unbelievably stupid stuff has been going on. I will not bore you with the details - but it has been 2 hours now since I found out about something that happened to Matt that was inappropriate ~ and I still cannot think straight. If that counselor that did this was here, in front of me, I would start screaming and cussing him out (no joke - embarrassing but true). Right now I am so mad, I just cry, because I can't think of anything else to do.
I know this innate fight response is a residual of being a warrior mom all of these years. Fighting for him and his rights for 18 years - has lead me to be hard wired. Yet, at this juncture in my life - I want to be soft wired. I do not want the surge of adrenaline that comes when I hear my kid is not being treated appropriately - because there is no where for that adrenaline to go anymore. I cannot channel it to change anything. He is 18 and in the best program in the US I could find - so it isn't going to get any better. I have to like it or lump it. Yet - all my rational thinking does not prevent the fur on the back of my neck from raising, my snout from curling, and my haunches from wanting to attack.
For the most part this program is amazing, and it is turning his life around - so I should be thankful. A billion times over thankful.
However this last 2 weeks some unbelievably stupid stuff has been going on. I will not bore you with the details - but it has been 2 hours now since I found out about something that happened to Matt that was inappropriate ~ and I still cannot think straight. If that counselor that did this was here, in front of me, I would start screaming and cussing him out (no joke - embarrassing but true). Right now I am so mad, I just cry, because I can't think of anything else to do.
I know this innate fight response is a residual of being a warrior mom all of these years. Fighting for him and his rights for 18 years - has lead me to be hard wired. Yet, at this juncture in my life - I want to be soft wired. I do not want the surge of adrenaline that comes when I hear my kid is not being treated appropriately - because there is no where for that adrenaline to go anymore. I cannot channel it to change anything. He is 18 and in the best program in the US I could find - so it isn't going to get any better. I have to like it or lump it. Yet - all my rational thinking does not prevent the fur on the back of my neck from raising, my snout from curling, and my haunches from wanting to attack.