The other shoe has dropped.

[dashcat]

When she told me she seemed scared but, in the true difficult child fashion, today is another day. She's out on Facebook .. all I saw was that she'd posted some things on Pinterest that, in turn, posted to FB. She may have also posted on FB (and hidden it from me) because i got a bunch of phone calls and texts when I was in Toastmasters from horrified friends and family members.

I don't think she'll go through with the school plans now. She's acting like she is the first woman ever to be pregnant and I'm sure she will say she just can't handle it. She is super dramatic about everything and I know that this pregnancy will take her to epic drama heights.

*It's going to be along nine months

 

[Nancy]

Omg dash, you know I know how you feel. And I never thought a baby would be anything positive for difficult child either. When I read this it brought me right back to where I was two years ago. You will need time to come to terms with this. I know what a lonely place this is for you.

Sending lots of understanding.

 

[susiestar]

(((((hugs)))))
I am sorry that difficult child's life choices make this a very angry, unjoyful experience. Please let yourself feel whatever you do feel. don't waste energy on whatevr anyone thinks you 'should' feel. What you do feel is all that matters.

 

[scent of cedar]

I need to be angry for awhile. I need to cycle through the stages of grief until I finally, inevitably, reach acceptance. And then, maybe, I can look on the bright side.

I'm sorry this is happening, Dash.

You are right. You need to cycle through the stages, again and again. I can remember walking through the Baby department in Target shortly after difficult child daughter told us she was pregnant the first time. I felt so angry that difficult child had actually bred with this worthless, horrible person. I wasn't even thinking about the baby. I thought about what a pregnancy meant to difficult child.

I felt so cheated. I would become a grandmother, such an important life transition, in this way. It all seemed so cheap, so wrong.

I was so angry that MY grandchild had been fathered by that freak.

It felt like that, in the series of mistakes that had been difficult child's adolescence, this was one she could never just walk away from.

difficult child was overjoyed to be pregnant, and by this man. (!)

I couldn't have been more disgusted that difficult child had anything to do with the man who fathered my grandchild, couldn't have been angrier that she saw him at all ~ let alone that she WANTED his baby.

But Dash, here is what happened.

I fell right in love with that little girl. If I had only known how much I was going to come to love her, if I could only have known how much joy she would bring us...I would have tried to anticipate her birth. I would have welcomed her with a full heart.

So, that is what I would tell you about this time, Dash. Through all the misery and resentment of the next months, remember my story. I wasted so much time being angry. I would not attend that first grandchild's birth, because the father would be there. What a loss, for me! I refused to anticipate the birth, refused to celebrate the pregnancy ~ again, what a loss for me, given that I came to love that little girl so unbelievably much.

Barbara

 

[Kathy813]

Oh, Dash, I'm so sorry. I couldn't agree with you more that pregnancy will not "fix" our difficult child's. If it would, I would say let's line them all up and artificially inseminate them.

On a serious note, does she want the baby? If so, there isn't much you can do about it except detach and hope for the best.

~Kathy

 

[dashcat]

Barbara,
What a beautiful post. I know that I will love this child. No doubt. Still, I have to face my feelings honestly - as I know you understand. Time is my friend.

Kathy,
You made me laugh .. a rare thing these days.

 

[sad in the south]

Barbara, your response was wonderful!!!! I am in the same boat with Dash and am consumed with anger and loss for what I wanted for my daughter and for what I am missing out on with her being with this creep and now pregnant. But I am in therapy, trying to detach, and, although it goes against everything I feel and want to do and say, I am now only showing my daughter love and support. Almost immedicately, she has totally turned around and is now contacting me and asking for advice. I still don't know where she is living but at least she is talking to me..

Dash, I have no advice for you since I am going thru the same hell. all I can say is what Barbara said.... my therapist told me holding onto my anger is not going to change what happened and my daughter is well aware that I am angry and disapointed. So I can either accept the situation and be there for her or I will not be a part of her life and I may regret not being involved in her pregnancy or the birth of my grandchild. Believe me, it is very very difficult. Just typing the word grandchild makes me want to cry. I did not want to be a grandmother. I am barely finished being a mom and I am so tired. I just wanted some time to be me before my kids had kids. I have no clue right now how to handle the delivery if I have to be there with that jerk and his family. I just don't know if I can deal with it but I do know that if I don't reach out to my daughter, I will not have to worry about it because I will not be invited to the hospital for the birth and then it is just one more thing that I will miss out on. But it is what it is. And you and I have to figure out if we want to hold onto our anger and grief for what we lost or accept reality and be there for the little one.

 

[seo]

I wish you and your daughter the best