Ugh relationship issues

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by toughlovin, Oct 20, 2011.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    So you all know my son is currently in rehab out of state which is good. Yesterday i got a text from his old girlfriend asking if he really had cancer?? Huh? No!!! So he is up to his old shenanigans with her trying to get her attention etc... meanwhile she has moved on and has a new boyfriend. He has not contacted us at all and I am getting somewhat easier with that but it sure doesn't help to get these bits and pieces of not so good info.... I told her to stop taking his calls. Gosh he needs help with his relationship issues....

    It kind of drives me nuts that he is so awful really to girlfriends.. His dad and I have a good relationship that is equal... and we don't do this kind of thing at all to each other. His dad does not do this kind of stuff at all so where on earth did he get the idea that this kind of behavior is ok? I guess I could ask that about his general lying and stealing too..... it just makes no sense.

    TL
     
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    TL

    Probably has nothing to do with the example you and husband set. He's still immature enough to be still doing the teen drama and angst thing, with a twist evidently concerning the cancer deal.

    girlfriend needs to truly move on and stop taking difficult child's calls.

    ((hugs))
     
  3. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I really hope she does.... at least she was smart enough to text me to check out his latest story..... and really i would like to say to him... do you really want a girlfriend who is only with you because you scared her into thinking you had cancer??? I mean besides being as manipulative as all get out... it shows such a lack of self esteem. I just wish he would find ways to feel good about himself. It makes me so sad.

    TL
     
  4. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    As you know Kat is the same way. I feel like she is literally addicted to relationships- can't be without one and must have drama. If there is none she will create it. And I wonder too- who would want to live like that? Sorry you are dealing with the fall out. Hopefully she will cut him off- that's the only way that stuff stops!
     
  5. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    The lies are a part of my difficult child-just like the freckle on his nose. I think it's because he can't take ownership of anything in his life -especially his decisions.

    He's had the same girlfriend since age 16, This year she transferred to his school. She tends to run more drama -like a typical 19 yo girl-and frankly my son is whipped. I think she's the motivation behind his defiance of our values. She's always been in a rush to "grow up".

    I'm glad your sons ex-g verified it with you. Try not to dwell on it. Xxoo
     
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    so sorry he is still trying to engage in emotion manipulation. So glad she was smart enough to check it out before going to see him. Not sure why difficult child's lie so much they just do. I have learned that much of their negative behavior has nothing to do with the way they are raised -'RM
     
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TL we wondered the same thing. My husband is very respectful of women and has always given difficult child a lot of attention and yet she seeks men who will use her and treat her badly. She has told some very crazy lies also that shocked us when we found out. All for attention.

    I think it all stems from their low self esteem because of their negative felings about the adoption and how they aren't good enough. I have often said they have a hole in their hearts that no one can fill and they keep trying to fill that hole unless they come to terms with their adoption. I have not seen many who have been able to do that.

    This sounds very much like what he did the last time he was in rehab. Does he think she will save him and let him come back and move in with him?

    Nancy
     
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