Update on difficult child and her baby

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Masta, Mar 1, 2008.

  1. Masta

    Masta Member

    Thank you everyone for your congrats.

    i went to visit difficult child last night. i am pretty sure she is going to take her hubby back. i asked her about her plans for when i take her home (I have the baby seat in my car) she said she didn’t know with a grin.
    that tells me the birth has bonded them (and his manipulative ways have worked wonders). i knew this would happen. she had no intentions of divorcing him she just wanted a separation.

    she isn’t one for following through on much of anything and she isn’t one who likes to work or loose any sleep so… I cannot see her mother instincts kick in if anything she will be more selfish then ever, she will take him back so he can do most of the work with the baby. She will use her baby as a guilt trip to get her way.

    Susiestar: difficult child privates are pretty badly swollen. The nurses said they haven’t seen anything like that in a while. She had 1 small 1st degree tear. They thought she was so badly swollen she wouldn’t be able to go urinate. They were going to re catheterize her. She managed to use the bathroom so all is ok for now.

    My concern is for her baby. She let him go 25hrs without a feed. She has tried to breastfeed but with no success. The nurses took tested his blood and his blood sugar was low so they gave him formula. She wont be persistent with trying to b/feed. She couldn’t handle the pain when they tried to latch him on. I hope the baby starts crying really loud to be fed.

    I will keep you guys posted.

  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Fingers crossed that somehow there is reason for optimism. I well know that difficult children focus on #1...lst, 2nd and 3rd. Usually, however, the baby gets a number before any serious problems occur.

    "It just ain't the way it ought to be." Warrior Moms are prepared but can't help but wish it was better. Hugs. DDD
  3. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Wow...I would have killed to be able to breast feed. It's such a bonding experience. I tried everything...warm showers, blah. My milk just never let down. Actually had a 'mentor' from the (not going to be even close on spelling this) lalache league. I remember watching my sister and being so envious. Her baby would barely squeak out a cry and she'd start squirting milk like Mount St. Helens.

    On a more positive note, I've seen more than one difficult child on this board that had a baby and it transformed their life. All of a sudden THEY are not the center of the universe.

    I hope well for your daughter and grand daughter. Of course, and you, too. ;)

  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I know breastfeeding is best. But would Mom listen if you encourage bottle feeding?

    That's an awful long time to go without a feed. Poor baby.

    And I know a woman who is mildly mentally impaired as well as I'm sure has some major Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) going on. She had her first child taken because she ignored feeding. With second child they hoped breast feeding would make her do better. It did seem to work.

    But with her third child.....she had grown lazy. She had a two year old running around she never watched, and now a newborn. She'd put the baby to nurse and in less than 5 mins put her down again. Then go play video games or watch tv.

    By 3 mos the baby was well under her birth weight, lethargic, and had even stopped asking to be fed. This woman would brag about how "good" her baby was. Heck, the baby was too weak to cry.

    Since this is my best friends cousin, we talked her into taking the baby to the ER. They called in the pediatrician doctor. We explained what had been going on. And since pediatrician doctor had also been the Mom's pediatrician doctor (so knew the history there) released the baby into our care.

    Mom never got the baby back. She was adopted by another family member.

    I enjoyed breast feeding, but it's time consuming. And if difficult children mom instincts don't kick in, baby would probably do better with the bottle. At least then Dad can feed too. Especially if you suspect she's gonna want him to do much of the childcare.

  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I am sorry she is not as responsive to the baby as is recommended. I hope the hubby bonds well with the baby. It really sounds like bottle feeding might be a good thing. Each of my kids was different - but I did love to breastfeed them.

    With that much swelling there may well be tearing up inside. Not just the episiotomy if she had one. My doctor said that I had scars running all the way up to my cervix, he didn't see how I managed with-o a csection. (I was just stubborn and refused, toughed it out) He actually had to go in and take out scar tissue from difficult child's birth and I had a TON of stitches. It was scary to me. Of course my difficult child had a HUGE head, big enough they worried about problems in his brain.

    If the swelling does not go down soon she may have to have the doctor check things out.

    I really really hope she bonds well with the baby and becomes a caring, responsible, responsive parent.

    Have you figured out what role YOU will play if she neglects the baby? What you are willing to do, or not willing to do? It might be good to think about this.