WHAT a surprise

[Star*]

Dude is home - he and a friend drove to our home - and surprised us.

He will be going back Sat eve or Sun morning -

I think he grew another 5" in 4 months - personally I think I'm shrinking.

His friend is nice -

Dude looks good - skinny but good.

His friend said "MAN you look like yo' Momma" - good looking kid.

 

[witzend]

Fingers crossed, Star.

 

[Hound dog]

Keeping fingers crossed the surprise visit goes well.

Hugs

 

[everywoman]

Hope the visit goes well and you can enjoy being with dude. They do grow up even if they never grow "up"!

 

[mstang67chic]

Hope the visit goes well. And um...does the group home idjit even know he's gone????

 

[mrscatinthehat]

Hope the visit goes well.

Beth

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Honestly? Do they even know he is gone?

Matters not. Enjoy him.

 

[meowbunny]

Haven't quite figured out whether this is a good or bad surprise, but hope the visit is wonderful! Another one who wonders if anyone even notices that he's gone.

 

[hearts and roses]

Surprise or no, I hope you're able to enjoy this weekend with him.

 

[Coookie]

Star,

Adding my hopes that your visit is going well.

Hugs

 

[slsh]

Starbie - I hope you guys have a great visit this weekend!

 

[Marcie Mac]

Well fingers crossed for a good visit - but add me to the chorus of people wondering if they even know he is gone.

Marcie

 

[DDD]

Fingers crossed for a nice visit. on the other hand, are you still documenting every single day/conversation/event?? It's a pain but I think necessary even though I completely understand the exhaustion that comes from long drawn out sagas. Hugs. DDD

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

Star,

Like the others, I'm hoping you're enjoying your visit!!! WFEN

 

[Star*]

Apparently the boys told the owner they were leaving because Dude is on probation. That would be a violation and he'd go back to jail.

No one "gave" them permission - they just said "We're going - and see ya."

And you know the way our kids can embellish a story to make themselves out to be a victim? Well - not happening here. The other boy is only there because his mother died, and he had issues about acting out in school. His father remarried like - 2 weeks after she was dead and he tried to live with new sm/ and it didn't work she already "HAD" her children - he was treated like cinderella. (according to him) so he was on the streets and a pastor found him and put him there.

They told me stuff that would curl your hair that goes on there. And Dude has made other friends who are worried about him living there. The boys both told us that they believe the owner is psychotic or has alzheimers or BiPolar (BP). They brought them food - and one of the cans of soup says EXPIRED 9/96. THEY BROUGHT this food - to the boys. They have no meat, only eggs, and cereal, no bread......so that was hard to hear.

They both brought some clothes with them to wash - and both needed a shower. There is no washer that works and when it does work there is no soap powder provided. The little bit of food that is brought into the house is stolen and hidden in the house mgr. room. They boys busted him on it.

He told my sons CW that every time Dude gets on the phone he has to constantly but gently remind him not to swear and he said that he ALWAYS is cursing and cussing out his mother. Caseworker said "DO WHAT? HIS MOTHER? and the house mgr said Yes sir and dude told him he was full of it and begged someone to call me right then. NO one did of course.

Apparently when the state comes for inspections this owner hires and pays people to come down for the day. I remember one of them - I was talking alphabet soup to her the first time I went there - and she had NO CLUE what I was saying. Said she graduated from Winthrop college - with a Phd in psychology. I asked her if she ever noticed Dude in a disassociative state - and she said "I don't observe the boys all the time - he could be in one right now." (SLAP MY HEAD)

CW told dude that he's there - or home. That he has 7 more months under their care and then they are cutting him from the program bcause he's been a real pain - and then he can tell everyone to kiss his kiester - roommate backed up the conversation. Unreal.

And then - DF hands me a phone message - the director of the program over the entire state for the program that dude is in called me on the q.t. and wants to talk to me over lunch. Don't tell our CW or his boss??????? WTHeck?

So that's been all I know -

He's been a great kid - grown up sounding - talking about his future and what he wants. That was nice - still at 17 - he sounds like he's around 14. But it's a year older than he sounded months ago. No meltdowns, no cursing, no frustration fits - Hangs out a little more with us and talks to us, laughs. I wish I could keep him here - I just know that is not a reality.
ok - I wish he'd continue to mature, get a job, help out - and then could stay here. (becareful what you wish for right?) lol

OH major shock and awe moment - he loaded the dishwasher this am and no one asked. Still riding THAT wave. COWABUNGA

Hugs
Star

 

[Steely]

OK, um, Star........I am so confused.
Not to be rude, but help me here.

Did you not demand he could not come home at Cmas because he was unsafe? And now he is there? Um........why are you allowing this now?

And, uh, again, not to be disrespectful, but everything that is going on at that home is abuse!!! Why are you allowing him to stay there? Have you signed over your rights as a parent? Maybe I just do not understand. I mean, if a mom wrote to us on this board, and said that these things were happening in her home, we would tell her that this is not OK! That this is abuse, and that CW was probably on their way. So, unless you have given Dude to the state - I would yank him out of there so fast his head would spin. And if it is a matter of the courts, then I would march him right into the judges office and demand an investigation. I mean......this is just does not all add up. He is in an abusive situation, and something needs to be done. I mean wasn't it a couple of months ago, that you were adamant he could never live on his own, because he was emotionally 12.........but that is exactly what is being allowed to go on. Please. Do not let this go on. Dude still needs you to be his advocate, not just wait out his last years of childhood watching.

I am sorry if I offended you.......I hope that is not the case.

 

[Coookie]

Star,

Hugs for your battered and weary heart. Those little glimpses of how it could be are what keep us going I think.

Keeping everything crossed for Dude and his situation. Hoping something improves there.

 

[mstang67chic]

They told me stuff that would curl your hair that goes on there. And Dude has made other friends who are worried about him living there. The boys both told us that they believe the owner is psychotic or has alzheimers or BiPolar (BP). They brought them food - and one of the cans of soup says EXPIRED 9/96. THEY BROUGHT this food - to the boys. They have no meat, only eggs, and cereal, no bread......so that was hard to hear.

They both brought some clothes with them to wash - and both needed a shower. There is no washer that works and when it does work there is no soap powder provided. The little bit of food that is brought into the house is stolen and hidden in the house mgr. room. They boys busted him on it.

He told my sons CW that every time Dude gets on the phone he has to constantly but gently remind him not to swear and he said that he ALWAYS is cursing and cussing out his mother. Caseworker said "DO WHAT? HIS MOTHER? and the house mgr said Yes sir and dude told him he was full of it and begged someone to call me right then. NO one did of course.


CW told dude that he's there - or home. That he has 7 more months under their care and then they are cutting him from the program bcause he's been a real pain - and then he can tell everyone to kiss his kiester - roommate backed up the conversation. Unreal.

And then - DF hands me a phone message - the director of the program over the entire state for the program that dude is in called me on the q.t. and wants to talk to me over lunch. Don't tell our CW or his boss??????? WTHeck?

Isn't there SOMEONE that can do a surprise inspection on this place? I mean c'mon...even prisoners get meat! It may only be cold meat but it's still meat. Stolen/hidden food, no employees, non-working appliances.....there's got to be some agency somewhere that monitors this stuff.

With that said though, maybe the guy that wants to meet with you will turn out to be someone who can help. Honestly, my first thought when reading that part was that it could be someone to help shut this he-l-l hole down.

Another thought. While Dude and his friend are there, I would have them write down everything they can think of (as well as dates as best they can remember) that's happened at this place. (food issues, appliances, verbal abuse, lies, no school, things they were told to explain the other carp, etc.) Have them list names of others who were witnesses so if someone doesn't believe Dude, they can corraborate with others. Is there anything you could call the cops for? Maybe a wellness check on the guy since it's been said that he appears to have mental issues and hoardes food? I don't know...just tossing out ideas.

 

[witzend]

I have to admit that what WW says makes sense. Even with backup from the friend, it seems unsubstantiated. I don't want to rain on the parade, but I hope that someone who is independent from the situation will weigh in on this for you.

 

[Hound dog]

And then - DF hands me a phone message - the director of the program over the entire state for the program that dude is in called me on the q.t. and wants to talk to me over lunch. Don't tell our CW or his boss??????? WTHeck?

Hmmmm. Sounds like you're not the only one complaining here. Didn't you say the other kids got on the phone to their parents and let them know what was going on in the home?

There is major power in numbers. Star, be very very CAREFUL when you talk to this person. And I would talk to them.

It sounds like you've gotten someone's attention, despite what the CW wants you to believe. For the director himself to call you, someone may already be squirming. If you play your cards right, you might be the one to break this wide open.

Glad Dude is behaving and your visit is going well.

Hugs