When I turn 17 you will be so sorry

[dirobb]

So this was our threat this weekend. During a full blown meltdown/rage. We said no. difficult child 16sd.

She overheard husband say he was considering sending her and her bro back to each of their moms. He was angry speaking. Tired/worn/frustrated. I couldn't even answer him while he was ranting. This has been weighing on her mind. She doesn't want to be here but has no where else to go. And she knows this is the best place for her for the time being.

All of this started with her being deceptive (texting off her sisters phone) But she is angry it was not her or her phone why is she grounded. It was all easy child fault. HELLO this was her "just a friend" that she was texting thru easy child. Do they really think we are so stupid?

So shes on the phone with this boy and asking when easy child will be home they are supposed to go to the store. (she wants to go see the guy, code name STORE..this is the second attempt in two days...easy child ignored her the first time...she got tired of being roped into difficult child's plans) We ask her to get off the phone. I can not believe she has the audacity to do all of this on the heels of this week from hell. Really again do they think we don't know???

So she ignores us and husband went in and had her hang up. Then she ranted. We explained they blew this way out of proportion. It was actually TRUST that was the issue. Which has always been the issue with her. She went on shes a prisoner here yada,yada, yada. She goes on with how she just wants to go hang out with friends (poor choices..not the best idea..we let her go on trial basis... the results are usually bad) we should trust her. she wouldn't do anything wrong.

SHe has a family wedding. Not keen on her going (she can't go unsupervised) anyhow it escalates to how she hates this house. Actually reaffims all of our concerns. She is still just biding her time. She is resigned herself to leaving at 17.

It is just so sad to see that there is no progress on this front. It just makes me feel so defeated. husband and I always talk about this but it is so much harder to hear her say it.

 

[nvts]

Just curious: have you read the Explosive Child by Ross Greene? You might want to if you haven't. He gives some really good ideas in these situations.

Mine are still small (6, 7 & 9) so I'm not where you guys are yet!

Good luck!

Beth

 

[mom_in_training]

Wow!!!!! My difficult child did just the same with the threats and the "I hate you, I hate living here, I am a prisoner" And blah blah blah. Oh and when i'm 18 i'm outa here drill... Lol!! My response was can I help you pack and ummm you have to take your cats with you. Is the adult age where you are 17, And is she in school at all at this point? I started looking at boot camps (I knew I could never afford) and printed the info out along with info on the job corps program. I left the information laying on the desk where I knew she would see it. Cannot say it was the fix all but it sure got her wheels spinning and it did help to change her attitude. When my difficult child threatened to quit school I told her I'm game bring it on babe and that I'll be calling the truant officers to pick you up if need be. I was tough and she knew that I would follow through. Its tough because none of us raise up our difficult children expecting for them to turn on us or treat us so badly. Just a thought but maybe check out the Job-Corp Program or print out some info on boot camps and when she brings it up that will be the time to talk and let her know what your expectations are of her period or the consequences will be sending her off. All of our difficult children are different but it worked with mine. Geeze I knew there was no way I could pull it off financially but she did not know that and I had her convinced that I was all geared up to ship her off on a whim if need be. Lol!!

 

[mom_in_training]

Oh here is the info for job corp.

http://jobcorps.doleta.gov/

Job Corps is a no-cost education and vocational training program administered by the U.S. Department of Labor that helps young people ages 16 through 24 get a better job, make more money, and take control of their lives.

At Job Corps, students enroll to learn a trade, earn a high school diploma or GED and get help finding a good job. When you join the program, you will be paid a monthly allowance; the longer you stay with the program, the more your allowance will be. Job Corps provides career counseling and transition support to its students for up to 12 months after they graduate from the program.

 

[peg2]

Job Corps is an excellent program..........................but, you must meet the eligibility requirements. I tried to ask about how it works and a representative wouldn't say, but I have heard the parents can only make a certain amount of money(not much) so most of us wouldn't qualify. I'm still looking and there is nothing for my 17 1/2 year old son,everything is voluntary and he won't go anywhere.
Good luck,hopefully you will have great luck!

 

[dirobb]

We've been thru hospitalization and Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for this difficult child. So she knows we mean business. I think that is part of what frustrates her. She could manipulate her mom and do whatever. She knows we will work at trying to help her become a responsible adult, one day. I looked at job corp but not sure it would help her. I have considered it for difficult child 14ss he is ready to quit school. Hasn't said so...just his actions. I'm ready to start working on a skill set. It is looking bleak for him he is limiting his choices for the future.

Peg, I hear you with the one not wanting to go anywhere. Scary, My ex mother in law has one at home and he is 40 and worked once in high school for two weeks. But has a car, gas, food, and whatever he wants, so why should he work or get out on his own. I so do not want any of my children to turn out like this. We want to have them be somewhat self sufficient. I can DREAM.