You know when things are moving along nicely and then...the icky just starts to creep

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearts and roses, Jul 29, 2010.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    back in?

    Despite difficult child being out of work for almost 4 months, she's been pretty good in regards to her attitude, helping me around the house and with the dogs, respectfulness, etc.

    But all this inactivity is really beginning to grate on everyone's nerves, namely between H and difficult child. He harrasses her about not having a job - I can attest to the fact that she's applied EVERYWHERE either in person or on line (I hate that on line crud) - and not paying him the insurance monthly. And I totally get it, I totally understand his frustrations. I also feel a little for difficult child and her failed efforts at finding a job. This is not the greatest time of year to be looking for a job - all the college kids are home; in a couple of weeks, that will change, but in the meantime, it's driving H crazy and now it's driving me crazy too!

    The thing about difficult child is that she's a sleeper - and I don't mean 'sleeper' in the way they describe sleeper movies that are really great. I mean in the way that if she's bored or has nothing in particular to do or no particular place to be, she will sleep. Therefore, she sleeps till about 9 AM, gets up, applies for more jobs on line, schedules her interviews, grabs a coffee and then goes back to sleep. Then, she will get up at about noon, shower/dress, do any chores I've left for her, walk the dogs and go to any scheduled interviews and then head back home, go back to bed and watch tv until around 4. Then she will be cranky and get up, graze a little, get dressed and split for the evening, returning at 11 or sleeping over boyfriend's.

    And then there is the issue of her room. Her room looks like a tornado went through it. I mean, clean and dirty clothes everywhere, bed unmade, closet a nightmare, just **** everywhere. I want to go into it with plastic bins and just box up stuff, gather clothes for goodwill, etc. But she's always there.

    All of this DRIVES H CRAZY. Not to say that it doesn't drive me crazy, but at least I leave difficult child lists of chores to do, errands to run for me, etc. And she does them - most of the time. And if I lean on her about her room, she will tidy it up - not great, but a little. We do not give her money. Her boyfriend must give her money.

    Like I said, for a while things were okay despite the lack of a job, but I think that being unemployed and just playing lazy sloth for almost 4 months is beginning to make her cranky - and attitude? Well, I can't take attitude from my kids anymore these days. I have about ZERO patience with attitude from either of them. Last night, before I got home from work, H got on difficult child about being in bed at 5PM watching tv (understandably) and difficult child got all fired up, said some harsh words back to H and left. In the car that we insure and that H just plunked out $100 to fix so she could continue her job hunt. I hate strife in the house. I especially hate when these two argue because it's just one long continuous battle. I try my hardest not to intervene, haven't in years actually. But last night I said something to difficult child about showing some gratitude to H for fixing and insuring her car while she continues her job search. Well, you would have thought I asked her to give up her first born, the wrath that came my way - ugh, via texting.

    In all my practiced detachment, I think I stopped giving a hoot about anything or anyone, perhaps I am depressed, I can't tell anymore. But with easy child moving out this weekend, H will focus more on difficult child and I am not looking forward to it.

    She's not drinking or drugging or being destructive. She's helpful to ME, but she needs a job - she needs to have something to keep her busy. I've suggested volunteering while she's looking as a means to get out of the house and keep busy, but she never follows through on that. She's getting lazier by the day, the more time passes with nothing to fill it, Know what I mean??

    Thanks for letting me vent. I guess it's time for me to put into practice some of the old ways of doing things before I stopped caring.....:mad:
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    Understand... And my kid's not even an adult yet...
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs. I understand. It's been a very long summer here as well.
  4. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hear you. I'm biting my tongue a lot these days, or trying to, while Youngest and her little familly are staying with me. It began with her and her fiance being extremely helpful around the house, but that's wearing off, and my patience is wearing thin. Five more weeks.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Jobs are very hard to find right now. Travis has been trying since winter and nothing. husband has been trying since sept and nothing.

    She's most likely becoming frustrated and depressed over the whole job thing as much as you guys are. So that's not helping. It does get to you after a while.

    But like you said, on the whole she is doing MUCH better. Which is a good thing.:D

    But yep I soooo get it with both the detachment thing and the don't take attitude thing. lol

    Hope she can find something soon.

  6. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I know all about the icky...

    Do your best to hang on to whatever positive things you can find and come here to vent about the rest!
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Add to this that she had ONE wisdom removed on Monday. She hardly followed the post care instructions. She didn't drink enough water & she smoked cigarettes. She did take the antibiotic and she did take the percocets (only for 2 days, then I put them away) to help with pain, followed by an apparent bottle of advil. She didn't ice her face until the next day.

    Last night I was awakened by her sobbing due to the pain. I looked inside her mouth and it's very bright pink in that area and with obvious swelling. This surgery took place last Monday, 6 days ago. And without the proper after care, it's no wonder that it's still hurting her. I told her not to smoke but the DR said, "If you smoke, put in a gauze and smoke out the other side of your mouth" !!!! WTH?

    It's just aggravating that she never wants to do what she's supposed to do but expects things to turn out different than they always have - like garbage. Natural consequences don't seem to phaze her and, in fact, they just seem to make her think even moreso that the world and everyone in it is against her. I wish I could give her truth serum and find out just what exactly her plan is. It doesn't need to be a life plan, I just want to know:

    "How do you expect to survive in the real world when you are so unwilling to conform, even a little bit, to make it?"

    We're heading off to LI today and she will be in charge of the dogs, house and staying out of the basement where the darned bat is still living because we can't find it now. Argh. Just so aggravated by everything.