14 yo difficult child begging for his phone back

[92025]

I am not giving him a phone full of drug contacts; he is sad about not being able to say goodbye to his friends (just got another offer on the condo so hopefully it is sold this time) but there are bad people in that phone that he can text and get pot delivered to our home.

He was really pleading and pestering me last night, but on the good side, he complained about suffering from anxiety so that's making some attempt to deal with problems I guess. I can't get him to elaborate about what the biggest cause of the anxiety is but I guess bringing it up is better than just escaping with weed. Maybe he will talk about it more today..

 

[Nancy]

Why don't you have his phone number changed. I did that when difficult child was in rehab for 60 days. I also deleted all her contacts so they couldn't contact her and she didn't have their numbers. Of course she just built up a whole new set of contacts once she got out, but your son is younger and you are moving so this may help break off all those contacts. Then if you do give him his phone back at some point he can start fresh with a clean slate.

Nancy

 

[AmericanGirl]

I agree with Nancy. You might also look into any child services offered by your provider or others where you get copies of texts, phone numbers, can locate where the phone is, etc.

If I had done that before any of this started, I would have been aware of his issues sooner.

 

[Nancy]

AG reminded me, we have Verizon and I can block up to 20 numbers from calling or texting difficult child (I don't use that feature now that she's 21 but I did when she was a minor). I can turn her phone off at certain times during the day or night and she can still call numbers in the family plan and emergency. And I can look at the numbers that she calls and texts almost in real time, there is a couple hour delay at times. I'm sure most cell phone companies now have parental controls where you can do the same. He's 14 and should understand that his phone is a privilege and so that you can be in contact with him.

Nancy

 

[DDD]

I've pretty much been in your shoes with a "gifted" using teen. I honestly broke into a smile at the "feeling sad about not saying goodbye" OMG! The kid is a "player" who is, no doubt, his own worst enemy. I'd share the right answer with you IF I knew what it was. In retrospect, sad to say, the only thing I could have done that I didn't do was change locations. If done early enough I do believe it can make a fresh start possible. It was not possible in our circumstances so...I just stayed alert 24/7, monitored phone calls, music, and "friends". Hang in there. A new phone may help but I'd lay a wager that he knows the #'s from the old one by heart. Sigh and Hugs DDD

 

[toughlovin]

Cant you get phones now adays for kids that only call home? I am sure that is not what he wants but it might be a starting point?

TL

 

[AmericanGirl]

You can limit the numbers for calls and texts on my provider...Sprint.

 

[susiestar]

At 14 he may test in the gifted range but he still needs parents to set firm boundaries. I would look into kajeet (http://www.kajeet.com/kajeetStore/whyKajeet.do;jsessionid=38BF9603C6128380FFB1EDCEC9BF96E2) and if at all possible get him a phone on their service. They offer the best parental controls and have won a LOT of awards for all they do to help parents provide the services a child should have and the limits that need to be in place.

Kajeet will let you limit a lot of contacts, and some of the phones are only able to call a few numbers. They may be exactly what you want when you feel it is time to let him have a cell phone again.

 

[Kathy813]

Wow, Kajeet looks awesome. I wish they had that when my difficult child first got her phone. I would have used it in a heartbeat.

The problem with blocking phone numbers is they get smart and have the unsavory friends use other numbers to call them.

 

[AmericanGirl]

Kathy, been there done that with my difficult child. He also could easily borrow other people's phones, use email, Facebook, etc. Sigh....