Dear all, Aplogies for the long winded post before I start! A few days ago, I found out my 15 year old daughter has had sex with her boyfriend (also 15). I found out because she had left her log in on facebook opened and I admit I snooped. I looked through messages to one of her friends and discovered the news! A bit of background if I may....She had been seeing her boyfriend for 5/6 months. Around 3 months into their relationship I was getting rather more concerned that she could potentially become sexually active. I had a long , frank conversation with her (much to her horror!) , trying to encourage her to not "follow the crowd" and ever feel pressured, either by her peers or her boyfriend. I told her that I didn't expect her to remain virginal forever and that I knew young girls her age and younger were sexually active, but what I did hope for was she would make sensible choices . We discussed consequences - pregnancies, STD's etc, and I told her that when she felt the time was right and she was with the right person, and whether I agreed with her decision or not to have sex, I would take her to the doctor's to be placed on birth control. Having this discussion, she firmly announced she was "not stupid mum, I'm not ready to have sex, and I don't intend to have sex until I'm at least 16", I felt reassured she would make good decisions. Further background info - we are in the process of obtaining permanent residency and as an aside, I told her that if she gets involved in any illegal activity including underage sex then she compromises our whole future in being successful for permanent residency. ( which may sound a little dramatic but non-the-less a possible consequence that I wanted her to ponder ! Because she happens to love our new country and wouldn't want to move back home) So from there, feeling assured that my daughter is sensible and mature, I continued to be supportive of her relationship with her boyfriend, he spent a lot of time with the family, I gave them privacy and short spells of "alone time", but did set ground rules ..that she is not to have friends round when she comes home from school and Im at work. At the beginning of last week, she was going through some heartbreak- she had decided she didn't want to see her boyfriend anymore and she broke off with him. She was very upset, he was very upset, and I was very upset to see them both hurting! She told me that she liked another boy at school (who is 17) and she had kissed this other boy. She said she felt like a bad person for hurting her boyfriend, there was lots of tears, and I tried to support her by telling her its all to be expected in teenage relationships and that this didn't make her a bad person. She was sharing her text messages with me, asking my advice re how to reply etc to her boyfriend. SO...a few days later (and after my probbing) I learn that despite my best efforts, she had indeed had sex with her boyfriend (whom she had just split up with a few weeks after "the event"). I can't describe my emotions. I felt let down, angry, devastated one minute, then accepting and calm the next. She was at her "new guy's" house to watch a movie and I texted her to let her know I was coming to pick her up earlier than we had agreed. I picked her up and I told her of my findings on her facebook. Naturally she was furious that I had snooped through her facebook messages. But as I tried to explain to her, its a parent's perogative to be concerned about the safety and well being of their kids. And particularly in our situation, whereby my husband (her dad)works abroad at present, and I'm here pretty much as a single parent right now, trying to work full time and support both herself and her younger sister. We spent some time talking calmly about things, she told me she didn't regret her decision at all (even though she is now no longer with the boy), and I gave her hugs etc to reassure her she is still loved. Over the last few days though I am finding it increasingly hard to handle the situation and Im not sure what to do. For one thing, I don't know whether to tell my husband because I know he will be devastated and even more worried about our living apart right now (which is another long story!) I feel responsible somehow...has she done this because of lack of parental supervision? Has she done it because dad is away so much? I know my husband will feel equally responsible and he is feeling guilty enough right now in being away from home as often as he is. This could crush him. I'm also finding it really hard to be consistant with my emotions towards my daughter. One minute Im trying to be understanding, realistic and supportive (because I know that whether I like it or not, she'll do what she wants) , but then the more I think about it, the more let down I feel, and the next minute I'm absolutely livid with her telling her she has been totally selfish and irresponsible, and Im playing the heavy hand, telling her she can forget about me being supportive of her new relationship because she broke my trust. It's creating a real rift between us with either her or I stomping off. Any advice folks? Should I tell my husband or should I keep it quiet for now. And how do I cope with my own feelings about this whole nightmare in order that I can then at least be consistant with my daughter? So many thanks for reading my rambles...I was lying in bed trying to sleep (again!)..I came across this forum and it feels good to vent. I haven't spoken to a single person about this for fear of my daughter (and me!) being judged.