3 year old screamer, hitter, etc - When getting ready only. nothing works

[strazydaze]

My three year old daughter is pretty good - Most of the time. However, when it comes to getting ready, for preschool, bed or church, she is usually a terror. She screams, cries, hits, kicks and generally throws a tantrum. Taking things away does not work - not even Christmas presents. She has been late to school a few times because she just would not get ready. If I was working FT, I do not know what I would do. We go through this almost every day. Then, she cannot understand why she has lost so many things. I give her plenty of chances, often taking over five minutes to actually count to three. I am at a loss. I do not believe in spanking; neither does her dad. He is calm most of the time and, if he does get upset , he leaves the room, sometimes going outside. I get mad when she hits me or throws things but I try to maintain my calm always.
At this time, we are staying with my parents, as well as her ten year old brother PT. My dad is the ultimate in... pretty much everything. My mother is hysterical most of the time and I just try to keep them away from each other whenever her mood is bad. When I am getting my daughter ready, it is usually just me, sometimes her dad. I have researched, trying to figure out what to do. Most people, who offer advice, do so with the intention of helping a child who is always, or almost always, in this mode. My problem is specific and I don't know what to do anymore.
Can anyone help me? Does anyone have any advice?

 

[BusynMember]

How was her very early behavior and develoopment? Did she let you pick her up and feed her while cuddling into you? Does she make good eye contact with you and strangers? Did she speak, walk, mimic you, etc. on time? Is she overly sensitive to certain clothes, foods, loud noise, anything? Does she play appropriately with her toys? Sounds like she has a lot of trouble transitioning from one activity to another...has she ever been tested by anyone?

 

[busywend]

I would look at sensory itegration disorder. Maybe clothes bother her.

 

[trinityroyal]

I agree with Busywend abotu sensory integration disorder. If the issue is isolated to when your daughter is getting dressed, then it may be a tactile issue. Fabric types, labels in clothes, seams that press into her skin -- all of those could set her off. At 3, she doesn't yet have the cognitive skill to express to you what's bothering her so you might have to experiment.

I have Sensory Integration Disorder (SID), as do 4 of my children. Here are a few things that have worked for us:

seamless socks, or turning seamed socks inside out so that the seams don't make contact with your toes
clothing with the label printed directly on the fabric rather than on a separate, sewn in tag
undershirts and long johns in very soft fabric worn against the skin, then regular clothes on top. For warmer weather, dance tights and bodysuits can perform the same function
avoiding clothes for exposed seams and raw edges that will rub and be uncomfortable
polar fleece
washing everything with fabric softener AND dryer sheets
knit rather than woven fabric, especially for garments worn directly against the skin.

Perhaps some of these items will suit your daughter as well. Experiment until you find what works.

 

[DaisyFace]

Hello and welcome!

It could also be a sensory issue in that jammies are so nice and warm and snuggly that she resists the jarring "coldness" of taking those off and putting on something new. What if the clothing you tried to put on was freshly out of the dryer? If you tumbled her outfit for a few minutes on warm...would it make a difference?

It could also be that the child is experiencing anxiety over actually going somewhere...and therefore will resist "getting ready" because it invariably leads to school, or church or whatever.