302, medical custody of me???? WTH? does anyone have knowledge?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by upallnight, Apr 5, 2012.

  1. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    The other day at my family therapy session with husband, he was there in person, normally we do it over the phone. He works many hours and it's like an hour and a half away. My IOP said he needed to be there. So he went after working hard all day.

    My dietician came in to the session, never looking at me, or speaking to me. She told husband he needed a lawyer to get medical custody of me, so they could 302 me! WHAT? I'm right there, I listening to this. They told him that I am about 30 seconds away from losing my job, marrige and health. I never gain weight...I'm still here at this 91 pounds, even after spending 51/2 weeks IP. This cannot happen to me. Should I get a lawyer? Should I get separated? We love each other, but he will be VERY ANGRY if I lose my lob (I have until the 16th to get better)(But they still may not renew my contract for the fall= loss of job even if I magically gain some weight) This will be the end of this marrige if this happens.

    I need to avoid him getting a lawyer, I could be freaking commited against my will, and it won't be to someplace nice like you see on those reality tv shows- like the Dr. Drew addiction show where they live in that house, we're talking someplace bad that I can't go to! Can I get a lawyer first? I don't have money for this nonsense. Please don't say gain weight anyone, I know I am a hot mess regarding this. I can't be even 90 and feel big even now. I'm so scared of losing my job, although I did apply for disability just in case- but that is not what I want, I love my job. My cousin was last at work in Nov. 2011, she's bipolar and has already been approved. I sent everything out to that same company- the one that always advertises on tv, they get it quick. BUT, I'd rather go to work and not be in some mental institution without my life. I've tried to research what the weight limit is for commiting someone here in NJ. I found nothing. Maybe he won't do it. Things are going to go bad really quick around here either way. I'm whining, it's my fault, but I can't help it. I try to eat, but I can't really do much gaining only staying the same.
  2. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I think you need to only worry about getting better. You are worrying about so much and still not focusing on the part about getting better. I know you love your job, but you could die from this eating disorder. Your health is so much more important than anything else. Once you get your health under control, the rest will follow. Will keep you in my prayers.
  3. Giulia

    Giulia New Member

    Upal, if you worry about this job, you cannot get any better.
    Nothing worthes the sacrifice of your health. Nothing, nothing. Not even your job, not even your husband, nothing.

    Focus about getting better first and foremost.
    You need to work on therapy, because it's not only a problem of food. What I perceive from you is that the more you want to be in control, the more you lose control. You need to work on this issue, and it won't be solved overnight.
    At the moment, you're too sick to work. So let go this job, let go your house, let go everything but your health.
    Focus about your control issue, then food will get better. Food is the target of your control issue, the more you focus on food, the worse your control issue becomes.
    So hyperfocus on your control issues.

    I don't know your husband, but from what I understand, he is right to do what he does. You are angry towards him, and it's perfectly understandable. But he does it for you, because he doesn't want your death.
    He is not angry because you will lose your job. He is angry because despite you are in danger to die, you are currently focusing only on your job and you continue to go on your death path.
    Your job is, instead, the least of the worries now.

    And to be perfectly and brutally honest with you, mental institution is better than letting you die. He commits you because he does not want you to die. If your husband didn't care about you, he would leave you to continue to do everything you can to die. He commits you because he does not want you to die.
    And no, it was not an easy decision to take for him. He knows you will be angry and rebel yourself against. He knows that it's not something no one can be happy with.
    Your husband would not commit you if you were not in danger to die.

    The only question to conclude is : do you want to be alive or to die ? What is your inner choice between life or death ?
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    (((Upallnight))) I'm sorry, I have no knowledge of medical custody but I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you.
  5. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    UAN - gentle hugs to you.

    What was husband's reaction?

    I would check with- an advocacy group re: your rights and what this means for you. I found this on a quick google - http://www.treatmentadvocacycenter.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=226&Itemid=161

    But like Loth said, your #1 priority needs to be to continue to work on getting better, in my humble opinion. You cannot worry about any of the rest of it - you need to focus on being healthy. I know, much easier said than done, but Loth is right - once your health is stable, the rest will come - whatever the "rest" may be.

    Many gentle hugs to you.
  6. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    You're always in my prayers and I'm very worried about you. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must have been for you to listen to your dietician talk to your husband as though you weren't even there. It infuriates me that she handled the situation this way but it also scares me. You cannot let this devastating illness win!!

    You've got to put your health first!! Although I disagree with your dietician's way of handling this, I believe she is doing this out of extreme concern for you. It is not your fault you have this illness. Please do not beat yourself up by saying this is your fault. I believe you when you say you try to eat but can't. You've tried so hard to get well. You can't give up now!! You've got to find the strength within yourself to do whatever is necessary to save your life, even if that means being hospitalized again. Right now nothing else matters.

    I am wrapping my arms around you from cyberspace, sending you all the strength and courage I can, praying for you daily... You can do this!! With many hugs and much love... SFR
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I keep thinking about you this morning and looking on the internet in hopes of understanding your real situation. I was not successful.

    Knowing that I have no information or background to offer valuable support I still think you need to reach out and get clarification of what your rights are now. Based solely on my "gut" I believe that you are allowing fear and panic to overcome your thinking. You are bright. You have enjoyed a career and hope to resume work as soon as possible. You have done your best to seek medical help from "experts" and continue to seek resources. All of those things are positive and indicate that you are really trying to get a handle on your disability.

    I don't know where to suggest you call. Perhaps there is a disease specific hotline where counselors are available? Perhaps NAMI? If you have financial resouces perhaps a qualified attorney for a consult? I am sure you can find the right place but I strongly suggest that you reach out pronto to an expert. Your post sounds full of fear and panic.....you need to replace those emotions with hope and support. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. DDD
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh sweetie. You know I went thru some of this but no H issues. I proactively left a job I loved and took Disability for a year to get better. Yes there were pros and cons but I wanted a life. It really worked and I had no problem getting work after. Please consider voluntarily going on disability and showing them you will work on this. If h gets mad about the job that is a separate issue and you must face it. You have said he doesn't understand the intensity /seriousness of this in the past. Does he now?
    I hear you don't want to gain weight but you know that is only a symptom. Show them you will work. Your mind. WILL feel differently and that obsession will decrease when you do eat better. ( and sorry ...yes gain but not saying it is the only thing ...it will come. ) They can force it though so it is time to take the reigns and truly surrender to the fact that this is beyond your control (the anorexia ) BUT how you get help IS within your control right now. YOU CAN DO THIS ......I promise.
  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    UAN, I'm so sorry. You must have felt ambushed by the ones you trusted, totally understandable. That said, I agree with the others, try not to panic and just focus on getting better. We are all lifting you up in prayer in the hopes that you can beat this and be healthy once again.

    I am interested to hear if you and H were able to speak of this meeting and if so, what was his response? It always comes through loud and clear that you two love one another deeply - it sounds like he's at his rope's end and doesn't know what else to do.

    Hugs, hon, please take care of yourself and keep us posted!
  10. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for the replies and concern. My husband doesn't really understand because he is used to seeing me like this, although he is worried and does care. Yesterday he took off work and made sure I ate everything on my meal plan, and he is now going in to work at 9am so he can eat breakfast with me. He will still get paid for the 9 o'clock start because his whole crew will have to start then. Really nice of him, but, I am still the biggest liar- he doesn't know to really watch me eat. I am throwing things in the trash when he isn't looking. (there, do you hate me?) I should be totaly ashamed of myself after what he does for me- and I am! They also told him to stay by my side for an hour to make sure I don't do anything wrong in the bathroom- I don't, so I make a point of telling him, come on, I'm going into the bathroom, watch. But that symptom isn't one of mine so I make a big deal like, see......I'm fine. My sister said she would pay for me to go to a residential program, anywhere in the country. That is too nice, and I don't want to go away somewhere. The chips are going to fall, and I'll have to deal with it.

    They told husband that I was going to be angry, and they were right, he is so good to me. He deserves so much better, really. My kids......my heart, I should be able to get this done for them. No, I don't want to die. I think I'm fine on a weird level, nothing bad has happened yet so why would it. I'm just scared and hope nobody in real life knows this stuff, you guys are the only ones I can share this with. I'm sorry, thanks for everything.
  11. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Hon, we don't hate you. It is an illness, like my Onyxx struggles with bipolar - she cannot stop herself, and neither can you. It is the illness making you do this stuff. It's not you.

    You've spend to much time trying to make sure everyone else is OK, you've neglected yourself. And trying to get yourself help - that is the first step!

    It is so easy for a person not in your shoes to say, "Well then don't throw the food away!" But it's not that easy.

    No, nothing has happened yet, but this kind of illness (like smoking cigarettes, which I did) causes cumulative damage.

    You focus on getting better. Forget everything else, right now... And so what if your husband "deserves better" - he loves YOU. I've known you here for about 3 years now, and what I have seen is beautiful - and THAT is the important stuff.

    :hugs: let them help you, honey.
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    sending you info on a program my dear friend who recently died was about to go into. A LOVELY adult residence and they have them in other states, as well as other programs similar to this.

    Pretend I posted your posts, what would you say to me??? You have my deep support, please know that. Like any addiction or illness like this, it only will get better when you surrender and let go of this..... people love you and need you (not for the money you make at your job by the way)....you are a special and wonderful person. Just need some help right now, as we all do at some point.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh honey. I wish so hard I could fix this for you. I truly do. I feel like I can feel your pain through the screen like physical ache. I have to tell you that having someone in my family attempting to have my committed is one of my biggest fears. I have actually had my ex therapist promise that she would go to bat for me in case anyone attempted it because she knows I would never attempt to hurt myself which is one of the criteria. (Someone else is up for grabs...lol)

    I do think you might want to talk to someone who has experience with eating disorders about the legality of this. I am sure there are boards such as this one that deal with just that subject. Have you tried to find one? Maybe they could give you some real pointers in how to fight this that we cant. Or...as I always say as my last resort, write to Dr. Phil and ask him for help. He does shows on this topic and he would obviously send you somewhere nicer than anywhere you could go locally if you have to go anywhere.
  14. Giulia

    Giulia New Member

    Sweety, no one hates you. You struggle with an illness, like I struggle (much less, now) with my ADHD. Like someone else would struggle with asthma.

    And if your husband hated you, he would not do anything for you. He would let you go away and let yourself die.
    He does all this because he loves you and that's all.
    He does not hate you. Forget about "husband hating you", because husband does not hate you. He wants you to live, not to die. Isn't it a love proof that he wants you to live and not to die ?
    Your husband is old enough to know by himself if "he deserves better than you". He acts as a person who loves you, no matter what. So forget about "he deserves better", because it's far from the reality.
  15. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I can't help but think that it is always darkest before the dawn ...trite phrase, I know. But your anguish is real. And as painful as it is-maybe this pain is the tool you need right now.

    I read your posts a few months ago and you seem to have a new acceptance in this thread that you are not well. You have a husband who loves you and is doing everything he can to help you get well. A sister who loves you & wants to help you. You know you aren't well but you haven't reached the point of wanting to get well and being in between is tormenting you. Embrace your pain, feel it, use it to propel you to getting help. Trust your h and let go of the desire to control the solution. It's ok to be weak and to let him help you. I know you would do the same for him. Please let yourself be loved & helped. You are a good woman with so much to give-you deserve to be well. {{{hugs}}}
  16. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    lots of ((hugs)).

    I agree with the others - it's time to really focus on you and your health and put the job on the back-burner. Your husband obviously loves you - showing that by just agreeing to go in person to the therapy. I'm sorry they came at you out of left field - that must have been scary. We are all here for you and don't hate you. We are worried too because you are a member of this "family". ((hugs))
  17. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Am sure your husband and others are so very concerned for your life right now and could care less about your job. I know it is extremely hard to acknowledge that drastic measures need to be taken. In January I had some serious medical issues I was blowing off with the "I can handle this" - I am fine - don't worry - I will go into the hospital when I need to. Well, I didn't, and by the time I was taken into the ER, doctor told my SO had I waited, another 24 hours and it would have been all over for me. I was STILL in denial even after hearing that. But I have been warned even if he THINKS something is not right, he is calling paramedics even if he has to 5150 me (which is involentary committment in Ca). I know he will do it as well with his only thought of not wanting to lose me - and if he didn't do it, my kids would do it.

    Like you, I was worried about my job, how I loved it and how I was going to lose it (not to mention the ensuing financial disaster). I still probably will end up losing it, but have been able to come to terms somewhat that is going to happen eventually - am praying now that I keep for my medical until I have my final surgery.

    SO keeps telling me when one door closes, another one opens. Have decided to go with that thought process and its alleviated a lot of my stress.

  18. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I just wanted you to know I was reading, and thinking of you. Hugs.
  19. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    You say yourself that you try, but cannot help it....you cannot seem to eat and gain the weight you need to support your body properly.

    It sounds like you know you need help beyond what you are able to do on your own. (I mean, if you knew what to do to fix this, you'd have done it already - right?)

    What is their plan for you, exactly? Is it something that you can agree to cooperate with? Perhaps there is no need to get lawyers involved if you can accept the help?
  20. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    I have only a slight experience with a similar situation, though it was with my sister and she was a minor so I only know "of" what can be done. I do believe they can take medical custody if necessary. The way the therapist went about it was wrong, though if I recall from previous posts, wasn't your husband not believing you in the beginning? For some reason that is what I was recalling and if so that could be why therapist brought him in to make him very much aware of how dire the situation was. If I am wrong, and even if I am right, I also believe that she was letting you know (wrongfully) of what may happen as well.

    On one hand if she had done it behind your back you would feel betrayed that they had spoken of this as a possibility (which they could have done), on the other hand, to speak in front of you as if you weren't even there is not nice either. They should have spoken with you included in the conversation since you were there regarding this subject.

    It's much like an "intervention" I believe in what transpired. For mental health it would be equivalent to baker acting someone (committing them).

    I truly hope that you are able to continue fighting and be able to overcome yourself and see that the only person you will be fooling is yourself (when you snuck the food into garbage) in the long run. That those you love (your children, your husband, your job) will still be there for you in the end but YOU need to be there for yourself right now no matter what it takes. Even if it means going away somewhere. Let your sister help you! Please?! It will be worth it in the end. Not all places are created equal, I promise you that much for sure. Look into some and make that decision that will change your life. For the better. It is possible and you have all of us (and more) behind you........:Grouphug: