A bit heartbreaking...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Big Bad Kitty, Jul 23, 2008.

  1. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Tink is signed up for cheerleading for the local football team. Yesterday was her first "clinic". She had another clinic today, where the cheerleaders from the local highschool was teaching them to do stunts.

    She's in the youngest division, so her squad won't be doing the high lifts over the head or anything. What they do is have one girl stand on the the thighs of two other girls (two girls stand side by side, bent at the knee, and the other girl stand up on their thighs).

    Well Tink cried when the other girl stood up on her leg. She said it hurt too much. The coach told her she could sit out if she needed to. She came and sat by me, and in a little while the coach came to talk to us. She and I tried to encourage her, telling her that it won't always hurt this bad, she's just not used to it. I also reminded her how tough I know she can be, considering the amount of time she spends wrestling with her brothers. Tink walked away to get her water bottle, and I mentioned her Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) to the coach. A second later, Tink walked back, hung her head, and said "I don't think cheerleading is a good idea for kids like me".

    Tears sprung to my eyes. Kids like her? I don't want her thinking that she is some kind of freak. We got home and she announced that she does not want to do cheerleading anymore.

    Oy vey.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member


    I'm sorry.

    At least she was able to explain herself, rather than have a meltown.

    Let her sleep on it and see if she feels differently tomorrow.
    When our difficult child got hit with-a baseball, hard, he was all set to quit the game. We were shocked, because it's been his fave sport for 2 yrs. husband talked to the coach, and we had difficult child show up for the practice and they somehow talked to him and made everything very casual and relaxed and just made him want to be around his friends, and within a few min., he was back on the field. By the end of practice, he was perfect.

    If cheerleader is something she's been wanting and practicing for yrs, you may want to try again. If this is her first time, well, it may not work.

    Wish I could help more.
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Hugs to Tink. Terry is right, Tink did a great job with not falling apart. Maybe tomorrow morning you can tell her how proud you are of her handling that as she did. Let her know that she should not give up on cheerleading if she really did love it up to that point. Now that she knows how it feels would she be willing to try one more time? Also, at clinics, each day can be different. Can she enjoy the rest of the clinic and just sit down during this part?

    Ask her what her favorite parts were. To go back to the clinic means she may get to do these again.

    My difficult child decided not to do football on the 1st day of his football clinic. I told him that was o.k., however, he needed to finish the three day camp since it was already paid for. He enjoyed day two and most of day three.

    Tink, You can do this! You can figure this out! Go have fun!
    Finish the clinic before making a decision to continue.
  4. ML

    ML Guest

    I would suggest having Tink be the one who stands on the legs. I hope she gives it another try. It breaks your heart sometimes when they say stuff like that. I'm glad she was able to express herself so well. Hugs to Tink and to Mom. Michele
  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I've worked with cheerleaders for a few years. Why is the coach having 7 YOs doing any kind of lifts, even standing on knees? Sorry, this is not age appropriate to my mind nor what I have seen when helping my neighbor's granddaughter with her cheer team. She started when she was 8 and the girls still weren't doing more than straight routines with jumps and the like at age 10. Any kind of strength movements (lifts, etc.) seemed to start at around age 11.

    Do give her a chance. She may change her mind and want to try again. I've got to admit I wouldn't have been too happy having a kid stand on me at her age.

    I'm sure seeing the other girls be willing to have someone stand on their legs had to make her feel different and that may have been what she meant by "kids like me." I know you're sensitive to her Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) and anxieties but I doubt she's all that tuned to them at her age. She might be aware that she's more sensitive than other girls, cries easier, gets angrier easier, whatever. But, if you can get her to look around, she'll find that everyone is different -- one girl will laugh and talk louder than the others; one will try to be funny but is being mean; one has no tolerance to any pain; one cries at the drop of a hat; etc. I bet if she thinks about it real hard she'll find how every girl on her cheer team is different in some way and that she can do things some of them can't.

    For you, my dear, HUGS. Let's hope a new day brings sunny smiles for both of you.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Good point, MeowBunny.
  7. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I gotta tell ya, her age group (70# - which consists of only 4 or 5 girls) was watching with eyes as big as saucers as all the older groups were doing the lifts and throws. The next group up (80#) was already doing the lifts over the head!

    I thought for sure that Tink would be the one who stood on the legs (since she is only about 60#), until I got a good look at a couple of the other girls. Half her size and probably only 55#, maybe less.

    I will insist that she go to the last day of the clinic since it is paid for, and then decide from there. It breaks my heart because we came up with cheerleading as a good way for her to get exercise without it being so competitive. If she played soccer or baseball, she'd wind up in the fetal position on the sidelines as soon as she made a mistake.

    On the tails of my post the other day, where I complained that I could not take her idiosynchrocies anymore, after her comment yesterday about "kids like her", the first thought that went through my mind is that I would not have her any other way.

    Maybe this whole thing was a lesson for me.
  8. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Oh BBK, my heart is breaking with yours. "Kids like me." Poor baby!

    I hope she does stick with it. Diva has been cheering for 5 years now, and husband has been coaching for 3 (yes, he gets a lot of grief about it, LOL). Down here in the sticks, the girls do do some of the lifts at Tink's age but they're pretty tame and always with spotters. Diva's a big girl so she's always on the bottom, and we hear every year about how hard it is.

    MB really nailed it on the head in terms of the differences in girls on teams. Every year it's *drama* to the max, LOL. Some cry at the drop of a hat, some can't listen to directions to save their soul, some have a really hard time learning the routines, and there's always someone kvetching about someone else.

    And every one of those girls had to start out, not knowing the routines or cheers or postures. So they were *all* girls like Tink at one time.

    I certainly wouldn't *force* the issue after the clinic, but... I hope she will think about it. Poor Tink - if she can stick with it, I think it would be such a positive experience for her.
  9. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Ask Coach if Tink can be a brace, she would steady the girl that's lifted. That's what Duckie does when she's not up.
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My heart is breaking for her too. I hope she will decide to continue with the cheering. Hugs.
  11. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Cheerleading is very competitive, at least to get into it. It really won't matter how good she is if she doesn't fit in with the other girls. What a clique! My sister was Susie Rally Girl. From Freshman year all the way through. There were big hefty girls, little tiny girls, pretty girls and ugly girls, but the one thing they all were was girls who clicked together, if you know what I mean...
  12. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Sorry! It's hard to see our child so disappointed by an experience :(

    I hope she is able to continue with the clinic and begins to feel better about it. Probably she was somewhat discouraged because the actual sport is more dificult that it looks, especailly when you are at the bottom of the tower-lol I hope she goes back to try it again and has a more positive experience.
  13. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Is it possible that the other child twisted their foot after planting it on her leg, that would hurt a great deal and it wouldn't be the right way for it to be done?? right?..I never did cheer so I'm not sure. But if she understood that it wouldn't hurt like it did, would that change her mind?
  14. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    Oy Vey is right! So sorry for the mommy hurt. These moments are never easy. Sending ((hugs)) and so sorry Tink had that experience. Wish I had better advice - but just wanted you to know how sorry I felt for both of you! Been there done that and OWWWWWWWWWWWW.
  15. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    A small update...

    Tink has been seeing an Occupational Therapist (OT). One of her major sensory issues is that she hates having her hair brushed. She throws a fit like you've never seen before. Well her Occupational Therapist (OT) has helped her with this, by massaging her scalp before brushing her hair.

    Well yesterday it hit me...duh...so I told Tink why don't you massage your legs before doing stunts like that?

    Last night's clinic went a whole lot better.
  16. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    hugs to <<<TINK>>>
  17. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    What a SMART mommy! Way to go BBK! Go Warrior Mom Go!
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yaaaay! That is so cool! Way To Go!
  19. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    Both my sister and now my niece have been cheerleaders for as long as I can remember. Hours upon hours of "ready? let's go." resonate in my anti-cheer head. I'm glad they had it - I enjoyed track and was good at it.

    I wonder if you could write one of the Honeybears? (Chicago bears cheerleaders) and tell them in a letter what is going on with Tink. Then ask if they could send a picture or a letter with words of encouragement for her to stay with it.

    Maybe one of them will tell you she has SIDS as well and can relate to Tink's uniqueness.

    I can only tell you as her auntie that if someone stepped on my leg they would be sporting a foot to the bum. Cheer about that! hrumph!

    GO TINK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO TINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  20. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Poor baby ~ to be so aware of her "differences" for lack of a better term. However, I cheer for Tink that she is aware of her body & her differences. This will help her get through some of the tougher situations she will face. What a brave young lady.

    Tell her this cyber auntie is so proud that she tried again. :bravo::cheerleader: