a close call

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by wantpeace, Jun 15, 2012.

  1. wantpeace

    wantpeace New Member

    I haven't posted for awhile, but I do visit the site at least once a week to catch up. Things here took a sudden turn for the worse during this past week. My difficult child had been doing very well, or so I thought. He didn't look well on Saturday and Sunday. On Sunday evening he broke down and told me he hadn't urinated in over 24hours and was afraid it was from taking too many OTC cold medications. I rushed him to the emegency room and it was confirmed that his kidneys were not functioning. After driving to a larger hospital with more specialized care, they attached tubes to his kidneys which drained into bags. He was in serious pain and thought he was going to die when the first doctor spoke to us about kidney failure. He kept crying, saying I deserve a better son, and to tell his brothers he loves them. He also said that he's felt so misunderstood his whole life and never really fit in. He's always been a brillian, polite kid. difficult child's kidneys are now functioning normally and the tubes should be removed next week. He is very lucky.
    I should be relieved but I have never been so depressed in my life. He swears he'll never do any drugs again, and I'd like to believe it, but I don't. I also believe that my other son knew about this and didn't bother to tell me. I am so angry with both of them.

    What should I do next? He's already gone to treatment twice. He's going to be off of home detention soon and will be able to leave the house. He' almost 18 as well. I do not want to bury my son!

    Thank you,
  2. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I wish I ahd some advice for you, but the whole subsance abuse thing is a new frontier to me. I just wanted to let you know that I'm glad he got through this and that I truly feel for you and how scary this must be. I know you'll get some great advice from the more seasoned Warrior parents on this subject.
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would tell him that if he wants to continue living there he needs to go into treatment. Call the two places he was in previously and ask about aftercare program or sober houses. If he is on home detention thorugh the court they may order him back into treatment.

  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Prayers and hugs. This had to be so frightning for all those involved. I hope this is a wake up call for difficult child.
  5. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Hi. First, I'm sorry about the horrible scare you just had. It must have been truly terrifying for you and difficult child.

    Next, I agree with Nancy's recommendation. Perhaps this is the close call that your son needs to make serious changes in his life. I'd talk to your other son, too, to determine why he covered for difficult child, and if he realized how dangerous it could be. Some sort of family therapy wouldn't hurt either...you all need support. HUGS.
  6. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    I agree with Nancy too. He has to return to treatment. Addicts always say they will stay clean when they are terrified. But the addiction doesn't scare that easily.

    Setting Boundaries with your Adult Child is the title of a book I used to help me get mt son into treatment. I highly recommend it if you need guidance on what to do yourself. It was very painful but within a week of using her tactics, he signed himself in. Graduated yesterday after 99 days.

    Tough love is the answer.
  7. wantpeace

    wantpeace New Member

    I agree that difficult child needs more treatment, but even with insurance, it is a major financial burden. Between the fines, legal fees, car insurance hike, and treatment it's already cost a small fortune. My ex is no help in any way. I just don't read about many success stories from treatment unless the person actually WANTS to get better. I hate to sound so negative, but right now I feel hopeless. I love to read self-help books, so I'll read your recommendation, AG.

    Thank you,
  8. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest


    I understand. I'm a single mom too with no help from my ex. Rehab cost more than 7k after insurance. We cannot make them recover but we can make it harder on them if they choose not to do so. I hope the book helps. Sending you lots of prayers of peace.
  9. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

  10. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    I like Nancy's suggestions as well. I would push for that with his PO-does he know what happened? There are usually some county programs-can you research these. I know they have waiting lists usually, might be good to get on them. Do you have a church you could get help from. I know many families that have here-we even needed some help with our daughter as she needed to stay much longer than the usual stay. Some private places give discounted rates to churches. Just a thought. We have a closet with all cleaning supplies and medication locked up. We had to do this when difficult child was in first Residential Treatment Center (RTC)-we brought girls home to stay each night after their long treatment days, so we had to install alarms and locks all over. We still use them even though difficult child has not, as of yet, used anything but pot, you never know. For me, if difficult child wants to use something else she will, but I don't want the burden of knowing she got it at my house. ((Hugs)) I am glad your boy made it through and can't imagine how terrified you must have been. Keep us posted.
  11. wantpeace

    wantpeace New Member

    Thanks for all the advice. difficult child hasn't had a PO yet. His sentencing for the possession and bail jumping charges is in July. The lawyer said he will not likely have any jail time, but he will probably be on probation for 18 months. Right now he can't leave the house without me and doesn't fight it. He's been cooperative and polite up until this episode. His "friends" don't visit. I keep everything locked up and don't even buy cold medications anymore, so I don't know where these pills came from. I suspect he talked his brother into it, which is even more upsetting. Kids use DXM because it doesn't show up on urine tests, which he knows the PO will most likely do. The effects are much more frightening than marijuana. difficult child was taking sertraline for the past couple months, but now refuses to take it. He made a comment that it made him do something stupid (taking the cold medications). I told him I wanted him to go to another treatment facility and he got mad and said he's leaving when he's 18 anyway.

    It's so upsetting to see my polite, gifted child make such stupid choices. I told his teacher what happened, and she cried. She said he's such a great kid and is so smart that he makes her feel stupid. The doctor at the hospital noticed how bright and well-spoken he was and said he totally didn't fit the image he had in his mind before he saw him. What a waste of talent! difficult child looked surprised the other day when I was emotional and said he didn't understand why I was upset since he was the one suffering! He has no idea how this is affecting everyone else - such a selfish disease! I'm re-reading the book Don't Let Your Kids Kill You and will be attending my first Alanon meeting tonight. I feel like I'm going crazy and need to get my sanity back.

    Thanks to all of you.

  12. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I don't have much advice other than some form of treatment. My difficult child has relapsed a couple of times. He has finally found a psychiatrist that he has really connected with and inspires him. My difficult child has told me that going to meetings and treatment programs don't work for him. He says listening to everyone else talking about drugs and alcohol makes him want it more. He knows I love desserts, especially anything chocolate. He asked how I would feel if a bunch of people started talking about craving chocolate, brownies, apple pie, etc I understood his point. I'd probably stop at the nearest Dunkin Donuts on the way home. My difficult child needs one on one treatment. He likes to read books about people with addictions. I usually read them, too. We just finished reading "We All Fall Down: Living with Addiction" by Nic Sheff. In it, Nic says the same thing about his recovery attempts. Basically he cannot handle a group of people talking about drugs. It makes him crave them, too. Maybe your difficult child might benefit from one on one sessions.
  13. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Maybe a dumb question, but does AA, NA, etc. allow members to 'glorify' their drugs of choice by talking about thm like that? I'm just surprised. I know of an all night phone 12 step meeting for any addiction which won't allow you to even mention any type of food item. They are trying not to trigger night eaters.
  14. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    My difficult child says someone might say, "I've been craving a joint all day", "Every time I wanted to pop a pill, I called my sponsor", etc. The one treatment program he was in, had a meeting once a week with the entire group of teens and the parents together. You would listen to what the other kids and parents felt like talking about or wanted help with. So you heard child A likes to abuse weed, sold weed, and used it with friends x, y, & z. I couldn't stand it but it was a court ordered program for difficult child. It certainly made me sad hearing what the teens were abusing. It was depressing. My difficult child wound up in residential before it was his turn to speak.
  15. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Want Peace-I am so proud of you for going to a meeting. In my experience it takes a while to find the group you feel good about-maybe you will hit pay-dirt? Don't give up. My daughter had trouble with all antidepressants she used-though she seemed calmer-all her suicide attempts came while on these. I have learned to listen when she says she can't tolerate a medication. I did not know cold medications. could be so dangerous. I knew they were used in meth making-but not that they could give a high that was so dangerous.

    My difficult child is scary smart as well. I also teach at a charter school that attracts really smart kids. I see more mental illness and troubled behavior at this school than I ever did when I was even a Special Education. teacher. It is interesting that many of my Learning Disability (LD) kids even had gifted brothers and sisters. I think there is just a fine tooth comb seperatin the issues in the brain. My daughter always expressed how tedious it was to go to school and have to wait on the other students to learn before she could move on. She said she felt weird, unaccepted, and out of sorts often. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) where she was, said that they often saw high IQ or learning issues with these kids. Being different hurts and not fitting in the way you want can be tough-esp. if your kid is socially savvy. Being outside the "normal curve", just puts them at risk.
  16. wantpeace

    wantpeace New Member

    AG - When my difficult child was in treatment, there was a lot of glorification of drugs going on. It really bothered me and I even stated that to the counselor. My difficult child said treatment just gave people more ideas and connections.
    My first alanon meeting went well even though the leader wasn't there. It was just another couple (who have gone to meetings for a long time) and me, which worked very well for my first meeting. I plan to go to more. I really need to keep working on that first step. I can admit that my life has become unmanageable, but it's hard to admit I'm powerless. I think this is so difficult for parents because we feel we should be able to control our kids.

    I appreciate all the input I've gotten here. The support helps me so much!

  17. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Am SO happy you liked your first meeting! Congrats on taking care of YOU!
  18. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    WP - I typed a long response last night and it was apparently eaten by the cyber monsters.

    Your last post sounds really healthy! I am so proud of you for going to a meeting and reading those books. I really like your insight about it being such a selfish disease. Makes sense to me - call it like it is.

    I am sorry that his teacher is hurting too;I know that makes it even harder.

    No feel free to ignore this - because it's a shot in the dark and I am typing quickly - but I know you said that you can't get him services, can't force him into treatment or even to take his medications. I know he had medical treatment for his dxm overdose - I wonder if you could re-label it as a "suicide attempt" instead of a "high seeking od" which *could* necessitate some required psychiatric care? Just a thought.

    Hope things are looking up this week. Star had some good news on the Watercooler board, maybe its a sign that the tide is about to turn here too. {{{hugs}}}