I just thought I'd share this, in case it helps anyone else...
Last summer, the therapist worked with me on dis-engaging from day-to-day stuff with difficult child. She told me to envision myself in a three foot bubble....and this was my little bubble of serenity....no matter what difficult child did, I was not to let her break my bubble.
Well, I have been working on this, but truthfully - this "Bubble o' Happiness" was not the best imagery for me...
Lately, I realize I have developed a better image.
I've begun instead to picture myself as an old wall - not "old" in a bad way, but in a historical way, like the foundation to an ancient fortress - and the wall is big and rambling, rising majestically in some places and hidden and overgrown in others. Inside this wall, I keep everything that is me...all my wisdom, secrets and personal truths.
To outsiders (anyone who is not me), my wall can offer protection, or it can keep people out.
And when someone comes to visit (like my Mother, for example) I can close down the gates when she starts to attack my defenses.
I have discovered that my wall has earned some newfound respect from difficult child. No, not that loving courtesy you should get and receive from your loved ones - but the kind of respect you give a big dog who's guarding his food dish. difficult child seems to sense this new stalwart strength.
And amusingly, I realize that the tables have turned...
How many years have I spent trying to get difficult child to do something? Trying to encourage her to do, be, try, etc ? Trying to support her in this or that?
And now, difficult child is trying to figure out how to get ME to do something! How to get me to buy, drive, allow, etc. She's trying to manipulate, trying to argue
difficult child is trying to get me to move my wall...
And it's funny how well-protected I am becoming against her usual tactics!
(Of course, now that I've said that, I've jinxed everything....but still, I will enjoy the small triumph I feel right now.)
Last summer, the therapist worked with me on dis-engaging from day-to-day stuff with difficult child. She told me to envision myself in a three foot bubble....and this was my little bubble of serenity....no matter what difficult child did, I was not to let her break my bubble.
Well, I have been working on this, but truthfully - this "Bubble o' Happiness" was not the best imagery for me...
Lately, I realize I have developed a better image.
I've begun instead to picture myself as an old wall - not "old" in a bad way, but in a historical way, like the foundation to an ancient fortress - and the wall is big and rambling, rising majestically in some places and hidden and overgrown in others. Inside this wall, I keep everything that is me...all my wisdom, secrets and personal truths.
To outsiders (anyone who is not me), my wall can offer protection, or it can keep people out.
And when someone comes to visit (like my Mother, for example) I can close down the gates when she starts to attack my defenses.
I have discovered that my wall has earned some newfound respect from difficult child. No, not that loving courtesy you should get and receive from your loved ones - but the kind of respect you give a big dog who's guarding his food dish. difficult child seems to sense this new stalwart strength.
And amusingly, I realize that the tables have turned...
How many years have I spent trying to get difficult child to do something? Trying to encourage her to do, be, try, etc ? Trying to support her in this or that?
And now, difficult child is trying to figure out how to get ME to do something! How to get me to buy, drive, allow, etc. She's trying to manipulate, trying to argue
difficult child is trying to get me to move my wall...
And it's funny how well-protected I am becoming against her usual tactics!
(Of course, now that I've said that, I've jinxed everything....but still, I will enjoy the small triumph I feel right now.)
