A Fish Story

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by slsh, Feb 7, 2008.

  1. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    So... my son (who I have not heard from since early last week's staffing when he was beyond surly) called this evening. He only calls when he wants something anymore. I suspect tonight's call was to save his bacon. From what, I'm not too sure (and pretty positive I probably don't want to know).

    He's been on SSI since first Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement (he's considered "on his own" and therefore qualifies financially). Prior to this placement, SSI went to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to assist with funding and they doled out allowance. Unfortuantely, in TLP he gets the whole banana. I think it's beyond wrong, but... there it is.

    That's almost $700 a month he gets to spend on himself. He has to spend it because there's a limit on what he can have on hand. TLP staff handle it - not my problem. So he had to dump a lot of $$ and has been itching to get a laptop. CM took him out and got one for him.... oh, about 3 weeks ago.

    Call tonight with no opening pleasantries. He thinks laptop was "stolen" by a peer and staff wants to call police. thank you doesn't want police involved. Red flags anyone? He wants me to "tell" staff not to call police.

    How much was it, thank you? He tells me. I pick jaw up off floor (silently). Uhhh, did you like it thank you? "Well, I thought it would be fun but it really wasn't so I really don't care that it's gone."

    Hmmm... so is this a kid who is so utterly clueless that he's ... clueless? Does he value absolutely *nothing* in his life? Or is this perhaps a case of he didn't actually work to earn it so no big deal? It's all disposable? Or perhaps is this a case of he pawned it for I don't want to know what? Or maybe one of his peers who he keeps borrowing money from (for, again, I don't want to know what) get fed up and demand payment?

    So he puts staff on, C, who asks me how I'm doing. I burst out laughing, only slightly hysterically. ;) Neither one of us can figure out what could possibly be going on in my son's head. But the one thing I'm positive of is he's lying like a rug. This is a kid who holds *everyone* to the very letter of every law, yet he's totally nonchalant about this very major loss and what he should be perceiving, given past history, as a major wrong.

    C explains that house policy is to contact police for losses like this because they've had amazing success in recovering items from various pawn shops. However, usually the victimized client is a willing participant.

    So... I tell C that we're going to respect thank you's wishes. This whole thing stinks to high heaven and I seriously doubt there's a chance we'll get to the bottom of it. No police but thank you is to never mention this again, not to me, not to staff, not to suspected peer. His choice, his problem. A dumb choice, but... I really think he got himself jammed up and instead of being forthcoming and asking for help, he's turtling.

    I hate that I really don't *know* for sure if thank you's just making really poor choices or if he's being taken advantage of. I do know that pigs will fly before he will admit the latter because he knows it all, only needs his friends, doesn't need anyone else because he can handle it on his own. I also know that trying to crack that attitude will be useless and will only make him angrier with me (and he's pretty ticked already for reasons known only to him).

    He gets back on the phone and I tell him what C and I have decided, and is that okay with him. "yeah, bye mom". Sigh.... guess I was at least useful this evening.
  2. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Hmmm me thinks this stinks of some sort of nonsense. Gotta love it. And your right you probably don't want to know the details. I believe when it comes to some things the phrase ignorance is bliss can be very accurate.

  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    Something's rotten in Denmark...
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Yeah - been there done that (not with SSI but with a purchased gift) It was a portable DVD player that my poor, ssi getting mother got him as his "BIG" gift for Christmas last year. And he took it with him, he took that with him and his PS2, his stereo, bike - and none of it came back -

    I bought the PS2 - he said it got broken
    I saw the stereo - we told him it was gone - tough luck
    He made the bike - and well he's on parental house arrest so kiss it goodbye
    and the DVD player from my Mom 'Oh (nonchalantly) it was stolen' - I told him THAT was the exact reason he got no presents this year - I am SO SO SO tired of trying to fulfill his hearts desires only to have MY heart trampled on by February with admonishions of "It was stolen, it was junk anyway, I lost it, I sat on it, I dropped it, I traded it, I left it at a friends house - blah blah blah (sock puppet voice) and I'm done.

    I do have one question - if he has to spend his money - and can't have any on hand - can't he have a savings account or buy T-bills or bonds or something that he can cash in later? Believe me I KNOW this isn't your problem but someone along the way should teach him about saving and budgeting. Couldn't you get his money court ordered to savings?

    I'm so sorry SLSH - I fear I'm headed for the same types of things with Dude.

  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Guess I'd have been tempted to tell staff to follow their policy and call police if that's the house policy.
    Simply for the reason that if he wants to lie, he better get a story that doesn't mandate investigation...
    House rules are house rules.
  6. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Starbie - the whole point of SSI is you can't have assets - therefore no savings. It's *supposed* to go to supporting him. Personally, I'd like him to pay his pharmacy bills (welcome to the real world) but... oh well.

    Shari- that was why I talked to staff first. I should have said it's their practice, not policy. I wanted to follow policy but again, they usually have willing victims (well now, that looks funny, but you know what I mean). No sense in making staff's life more miserable if he's going to be a mule, you know?

    I did fret all night, wondering if *maybe* he's being taken advantage of or threatened or something. I don't think so, but I've been wrong before (shock). I called and talked to staff this morning, as well as left msg for his CW. I will try to get thank you on the phone tonight, just to remind him that while he's none too happy with me or staff at the moment, we *are* here to help and I for one love him with all my heart. If he's being hurt or whatever, I can do something about it.

    I can't force him to reach out, but I feel like I have to reinforce again that if he does decide to reach out, we're here.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Ahhhh....The Case of the Disappearing Electronics. Im afraid your instincts are probably dead on. If someone had truly stolen this from him he would be up in arms. been there done that. When they are nonchalant it usually means they know exactly what happened, they sold/gave it away and dont want anyone to ask questions. This happened here with a portable DVD player and a really nice leather coat that Cory wanted so badly one year for Christmas. Next thing you know they are missing in action. Oh...someone "stole" them. Yeah right.
  8. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Through secret Mommy means :future: I have been able to verify that in fact my son knows *exactly* where his laptop went, and it went either to pay a debt or, in his words, as part of a "bargain". This whole theft thing was total bologna. I'm relieved because I started worrying about all kinds of things this morning relating to him being in jeopardy.

    He does not know that *we* know.

    I emailed staff and suggested that a room search this weekend might not be a bad idea.

    CW said that his supervisor wanted him to search out local pawn shops. I told him that I seriously hoped that since we have absolute unquestionable proof that no theft was involved here that his supervisor would reconsider. I'm not sure what they're going to do. On the one hand, I think it might be educational for thank you to get caught in this lie. on the other hand... highly doubtful he'd learn from it, other than maybe to lie better, which is *not* something I want to have to deal with.

  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Dont you just want to strangle them?

    For what its worth, I dont think Cory ever really learned to lie much better or cover his tracks much better. He still gets caught over and over again. We can almost predict when he is going to do something before he does it. Or as Judge Judy says...you can tell when he is lying because his mouth is moving...lol.