A general vent about the people I've chosen to hang around...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by gcvmom, Feb 24, 2011.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'm not mad at anyone. Just disappointed -- it's my own fault.

    I have a group of friends that I get together with once a month for dinner and conversation. It's a nice outlet and escape. However, after going to see a movie by myself last week, I realized I am really missing having people in my life who share my interests and my level of curiosity about things.

    The movie I saw got mixed reviews by this group of women, none of which have seen it, though one person has a sister who saw it and claimed it was a waste of her time -- the only real positive thing they could say about it was the leading actress' rumored performance (again, none of them saw it). Everything else was a criticism of the dark subject matter and the overt sexual scenes they'd read about. True, it was not a light hearted comedy or a gooey Hollywood drama. But I personally found there to be a lot of deeper symbolism in the film and as I was trying to explain my take on it last night to these people, I found 7 pairs of eyes glazing over like this was just too much to think about. I was surprised at how disappointed I felt in realizing how shallow and small minded this group of people really is. I guess that's why I really only see them for that one gathering a month.

    Maybe it's time to take some classes again... something that gives me an outlet for more meaningful conversation.

    Thanks for listening -- vent over!
  2. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I am laughing? I am nodding......? I am agreeing with you? I am twisting my lips......

    OH **** here he is again. DANG IT MAN LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

    Oh kay I AM AGREEING -

    I sit heeeeeeere in the office. I can't escape the man who needs a HOBBY. (OH FOR THE LOVE OF MILK WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?)

    My Mom was here for like a month an 1/2 when I was trying to finish CDL school right? Right. IT is NO secret that the woman was bored -off -her-nut. Monday thru Friday I got up at 4:00 AM, and was not home until around 7:30 PM. When I got home, DF usually had dinner started or mid-way finished. During that time? I showered, studied, played with the kids (dogs), then ate, then usually chatted for about 15 minutes and then went to bed - exhausted. On the weekends? I would have given my arm to have slept in. My Mom? She was like a six year old dying to go to Chuckie Cheese. Up at 6:30, showered and ready to haul-butt - "Lets go out and eat!, then where are we going? Let's do this, where are we going now?."

    I had laundry to do, shopping to get done. I was so tired by the time we got home? I fell asleep in the chair. Then you go - THE LOOK. You know that look. The look that says 'I'm in my XX's and you are in your 40's and I can run circles around you like a squirrel on it's 3rd case of Mountain Dew.' Man I'll tell you by week 5? I finally had to tell her? I'm not purposely trying to bore you Mom, THIS is it. I don't have girlfriends I go out with, we rarely go see a movie, in the last 4 years I think we've eaten out twice, we're in bed by 9:30PM. I don't shop. I use coupons, and the best part of my day is spent with the dogs. To which she said "Booooooooring." and left the room.

    We did offer to go see a movie "True Grit." - she made a face.

    I mean when you MOTHER calls you BORING? You KNOW you have got to spiff it up a little. I'm thinking of getting a hobby. (blink.....blink)

    I like peaceful and boring.....Comes with no fake friends......and no hassles, no reality tv......(shrug)
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I don't get out and socialize much either. I'm easily frustrated by people who know nothing beyond pop culture or snobby culture. I don't watch The Amazing Race, and I have no use for ballet performances. If I want reality TV I'll dig up a decent documentary that interests me. Chances are if I go out, the kid is coming with me. That limits things, too.
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Do you like to read? Check your local library or college library for a reading club. I bet you will find people there willing to discuss a book. Maybe meet someone willing to attend mixed reviewed movies with you to discuss?
  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I have two major problems with our local book club at the library. 1) they do it during lunch, and since I'm in a job that involves serving lunch, it's not an option, and 2) the books are rarely anything that interest me in any capacity whatsoever. They're big on what I consider "touchy-feely-sentimental" stuff, which makes me gag.
  6. 4timmy

    4timmy New Member

    I can relate to this 110%. I really don't like discussing "deep" subjects with friends in general. I mostly listen and learn when I'm with friends mainly because I have a really diverse group of friends from different cultures that are really interesting to me. But if your friends really don't stimulate your curiosity about deeper subjects, then still spend time with them just don't depend on getting brain stimulation from it. Classes are good if you have the $$ to spend. Books are a great resource.... shoot I've found documentaries, etc. on the internet that I sometimes like to watch. These things don't offer much in the way of getting to discuss any of it with others though. My husband and I have very limited things we like to discuss together and generally have different viewpoints, but I don't depend on him 100% for stimulating conversation either.

    Maybe a book club?
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I gave myself and Idea -

    Since I do have that squirrel in the attic? I'm going to the store to get Mountain Dew......and a flashlight - THIS SHOULD BE FUN!
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I have a sneaking suspicion that a lot of people think my life is boring, too.

    But - when you're not super-rich (and don't like shopping anyway), kids are uninterested in anything you suggest, and all your GOOD friends live hours away? Yeah. YAWN!!!
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm going to come of sounding pathetic. I have few "in person" friends, and those I'm not super close to. Not that I don't like them, I'm a private person. In all honesty? I could be quite comfortable as a hermit. lol Well, except for seeing family of course.

    My daughters are my closest friends, and of course I'm certainly not going to tell them everything. But we hang out a LOT and we share the same interest and have tons of fun together.

    My mother also tells me I'm boring. So what? Life with my mom was at best constant drama and chaos. I LIKE boring.

    I like to sit at home and crochet, draw, paint.......play with my dogs, play with my grandkids. I don't go for eating out much, my cooking tastes much better 99 percent of the time and it's definitely cheaper. I go to movies once in a while.......and yes, it's with my girls. I go shopping once in a while.........and again, it's with my girls.

    I went with Nichole and Aubrey to the Goodwill today after my dentist appointment. Nichole found all sorts of deals. I was able to spoil Aubrey with a few nice 2nd hand toys.....and even found me a few deals. To me? THAT's exciting. lol

    I like my boring life. Personally? I'd like to make it even more boring...... in my opinion it isn't boring, it's what I enjoy.
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Add me to the "boring" list, too. Since I work in a different place each day, I don't have work friends. Tried a few women's Bible studies, but was too old for one group, too young for another, and just didn't fit with yet another. Also, by the time I'm finished wrangling kids all day, I'm tired. The arthritis pain in my hips and knees limits me in a lot of ways. Hubby is still unemployed, my mom is not always fun to hang out with, and a little bit of Miss KT can go a long way when she's only home once a month or so.

    I read, watch TV, and play stupid Facebook games. That's about it. Yay me.
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I dont have any friends who live near me. I tried making some in that pitiful group my old therapist set up but they just about drove me crazy...er..crazier. I am friendly enough on a superficial level when I meet someone so I have acquaintances such as the parents of the girls in Keyana's dance class. I might recognize them if I saw them at the grocery store...lol. I wouldnt know their names though.

    Basically its just Tony and I. We do little things together but we arent very compatible. We really dont like a whole lot of the same things. I spend a lot of time alone.
  12. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Quite honestly, I don't go in for groups. I do like spending time with friends, but one on one. I can have a good deep conversation with one friend, but only one, at a time. We have a very large crowd of friends, but my husband and I don't go in for the social meetings etc. I have one very very close friend with whom I can discuss anything at all, and I know that is because she is not judgmental. That's what I can't stand -- judgmental. And all those people whose lives seem to be going so smoothly, they think they know everything. But people who haven't brought up a difficult child or who aren't still living with a difficult child just haven't got a clue what our real life is all about. We have a different set of values, because we know what is really important and they just haven't got a clue. So I don't have time for all that social stuff with groups.

    And funnily enough, when I am one-on-one with a girlfriend, I find that different things emerge about their lives as well, and actually everyone is coping with some sort of difficulty or difficulties, and then the conversation becomes meaningful.

    Anyway, I find myself being a listener, not a talker, most of the time. Which is OK, except I often come away frustrated, but only with myself. Because unburdening is also good, and I don't do enough of it because I am so used to just not talking about difficult child in company, because others just don't understand what life with a difficult child is like. It's just wonderful to have this site to communicate with people who understand and are not judgmental.

    Oh well, that's life.

    Love, Esther
  13. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm kinda like Esther. I prefer one on one with friends rather than the big group thing. I have lots of acquaintances, but just a handful (one handful) of real friends that I could count on if I were in need or that I can talk to about anything. Seems when the children were younger it was just normal to have a big group of woman who I was social with. We saw each other at the grocer, the pool, school, etc. But now that the kids are older, just a few "good ones" remain.

    I'm boring too. I mean, every now and again I will do something out there, but for the most part when I see friends it's a little shopping spree, a quiet dinner at home, a movie, a long phone conversation, sitting together at one of our homes and just chatting........geeze, I am boring......

    gvc, I don't have any patience either for pretentiousness and such. Those folk definitely get dropped off the list quickly! I have always told my kids they should never use their neighbors yard stick to measure themselves - when I see others using their yardstick to judge me or others - they are out of here!!!!

    Having this board is a great thing too since I only really have one other parent that I am fairly close to that has a difficult child. It's so great to come here and be able to share that part of our lives.


  14. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    Add me to the boring list.

    I would love nothing more then to leave work on Friday, do my grocery shopping and then stay home until it's time to leave for work on Monday. I enjoy the quiet of alone time or time alone with husband. He's my Best Friend! We have a great time together.

    Our big adventures are going to my parents house and spending time with them or riding in the summer.

    It sounds boring, but after years of difficult children?...I like the quiet.

    And anyways, unless they've lived with a difficult child, they don't understand where you come from. Whoelse but a parent of a difficult child could understand how you can be calm when you haven't heard from your 16yr old in 2 weeks? Or that "well, make your kid do xyz" is a ridiculous statement. Or that locking up everything you own is a necessity.

    I've had a few really good friends, but being in a Navy town, they've all been transferred.

    And anyways, I am an Introvert.... never been one for crowds. husband is the extrovert, he needs people. Together, we work. He helps me do small groups and I've taught him that alone isn't a dirty word.
  15. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I have friends for various purposes. it depends on what I need to talk about, what I discuss with each of them. Some friends I can discuss almost anything with. Others will glaze over if I get too cerebral.

    I dropped in to see a friend last night. I needed to vent a bit (about church meeting last week - it was a Twilight Zone feeling) but also pick her brains about some info for my writing. She in turn needed to talk about some problems in her neighbourhood, and so we took it in turns to talk and listen. Along the way we touched on other topics as they came up. A useful and stimulating evening. I would say I have maybe four friends I can do this with. husband is one of them. But even husband has his limits (as does my friend of last night).

    husband & I went to see "Waiting for Godot" with Sir Ian Mackellan and Roger Rees (he was the sheriff in "Robin Hood - Men in Tights"). husband was struggling to stay awake and just didn't get what the play was about. I have to admit I didn't fully get it, but I loved what I saw of it. My friend (from last night) & I have had an annual visit to a theatre in Sydney to see a play. Somewhere, anything. We then talk about it all the way home and over the next weeks. Often it's the sort of stuff I know husband would find boring, or frustrating.

    Other friends of mine - if the topic strays from their kids, or the laundry, they are floundering. I have learnt to not talk about anything academic. But if I need advice on where to get the best deal for laundry powder, they're the ones to go to.

    So that's my advice - different friends for different purposes.

  16. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I did join a book club a few years back and stayed active in it for several years. The most important thing I learned from the club was that if I didn't enjoy the book, I didn't have to read it through. My input as to why I didn't enjoy it was as valuable as those who plodded their way through or did enjoy it. When I was told that my opinion was not wanted at one meeting because I had not completed the book, I didn't go back.

    At this point in my life I am spreading myself in lots of little directions. I have home and the dogs and so forth. I also work very part time, so I get out of the house a bit but the people I work with are diametrically opposed in philosophy to me, so there's not a lot of intelligent conversation going on there. I also joined a choir, and I go once a week. It's not affiliated with a specific church, so there is no preaching and no need to attend a service that I would not like. We just perform at retirement communities and in other presentation type settings. The ladies are generally quite enjoyable, and in particular the woman who sings next to me and I get along fabulously. Then there is my Bunco group that meets once a month. I've been doing that in some form for about 10 years, and had been the "boss". I did not enjoy being the "boss". I have begun to let the women sink or swim on their own merits and I am enjoying it quite a bit more. husband has also joined the Rotary, and I am helping him with various projects there but I will not join because they meet too darned early for me, and most of them are quite rabidly the political opposite of me. So, we go out to dinner and do functions, and ignore them the rest of the time.

    In all of these things I try to be friendly with everyone, and talk more with the people I do enjoy than I do with the people I have nothing in common with. Since they are fairly large groups, there is almost always something I can find to talk to someone about.

    My advice is to join more than one group. That way you can enjoy the dinner/drinks thing with the group you are with, and talk intellectually with another group. Your Spring Community College schedule should be coming in the mail soon. Try there for a "community" type class about something you may enjoy.