So I saw my son the other day. I hadn't heard back from him since i saw the old suicide note so when he texted me because he may have found another place to live I jumped at the chance to go see him. It was good..... he was kicked out of the place he was living. He is not sure why but said it was because the dad blamed his family problems on the extra guests staying there... my sons comment was he isn't looking at the substance abuse by him and his wife or that they are awful parents. I think my son has seen how some really dysfunctional families live and it has put us into new light... and I am very glad he is seeing the bad affects of substance abuse!!! So hopefully this new place will work out, I did write a check for first/last months rent. He is staying with a friend and I offered to buy him some groceries which he was pleased with... and we kind of had fun at the grocery store. He didn't just buy all junk food which I was glad about and he did not ask me to buy him the dreaded cigarettes. I would have said no to that but I was really glad he didn't ask.I did ask him about the suicide note and we had a short but good conversation about that. He said he wrote that and several others but it was a long time ago, doesn't remember exactly when but it was quite a while. I said I felt bad because I felt like I missed just how depressed he was. He said well I worked hard at hiding it. I asked him to come to us if he ever felt like that again and he said he would go to a hospital... so all of that felt better.He also asked about this school his dad has mentioned which is a college for kids with ADHD and learning issues and you get an associates degree. He would live there etc. So I explained it... and he seems interested. I said we want him to know the options but if he does it he has to really want it, and we will support it but we are not pushing it, it has to be something he really wants. So that was also a good conversation.So he is definitely not out of the woods of his issues and I suspect he is at least drinking BUT he does not seem to be really bad substance use wise as he has been in the past. He is seeing his probation officer regularly which is also really good.I am getting better and better about walking that line about loving him, offering him options but not trying to tell him what to do.I had the realization at an alanon meeting that I have to stop waiting for the day when he gets his life together, because in reality that may never happen..... but I can hope that it does, and this visit gave me some hope.