A New Development

[kadyr]

Thank you, thank you, so much for all your kind advice. You are all gifts to me. As everything seems to be in my life, the timing was striking...I had the strength to take the phone call I got late this afternoon...the detectives have found my jewelry. And my china. And my ladder. And the paint ball gun. My cell phone, too, probably...I quit asking. Three guesses as to who pawned it....wow! First try!

OH thanks to God for the upperhand again. I came home and calmly told him to start talking. He said "what" and I said "Bobs Pawn".

He still insists it's only pot...but agrees to do whatever I tell him to. I told him he had some issues that he must work out, and I am going to try again to get him help. He agrees he needs help.

SO...I am going to go to the courthouse tomorrow and have him committed.

I am SO EXCITED that he will be getting help. I no longer care at all what he thinks about me.

Whaddya think?

 

[BusynMember]

I think it's good he'll be getting help.
I think he is using more than pot. My ex-drug addict daughter has a motto: "Never trust a drug addict. They will stare you in the eyes and lie to you. It's what they do." I can't imagine pot motivating your son to pawn those items from under you.
If son doesn't want to quit, even a good program won't help him. This is a big "wait and see" time. Again, drug users/addicts (whichever he is) LIE.
So I hope it helps him, but it's really all in how badly he wants to quit. When my daughter wanted to stop, it didn't take a drug rehab. She just stopped. She was highly motivated and did it on her own. I'm not saying every child can do that, but when they want to stop they will--much as a smoker will finally stop smoking, as hard as it is, when he is REALLY motivated. But he will still steal that cigarette in the bathroom if he isn't motivated enough.
I hope your son really wants to quit and can do it! This requires changing his friends. You can really tell if he's serious if his friends change. Good luck!

 

[everywoman]

I had my son committed rather than jailed after he stole and pawned all my jewelry. It did no good. Soon after, he was arrested for stealing from someone else. He spent 23 days in county and would have stayed longer if his grandfather hadn't died. As far as I know that ended his stealing.

 

[kadyr]

Hi all! I gave him the opportunity to go voluntarily to intensive outpatient rehab (which my insurance covers) and he chose that. I've very cautiously optimistic because the evidence the police uncovered is that it only started two months ago and NONE of the stuff was anybody elses. I recovered a couple of the more important pieces...he went with me...and then we went today to have him assessed. He seems to be excited about getting it all out in the open. He was telling everyone he saw there about it. He likes his case worker (he likes anybody who treats him like he's special.) I think the problems will start when he realizes he's going to be on house arrest. Not sure he was really listening to that part.

However, there was 36 hours from his decision to go to the time I took him for assessment (10 of which I was at work), and everyone said he would run...but he didn't. I've also made a list of all he owes me, which he will be paying me out of his trust fund. He even relaxed enough to start joking..."anyone that has to pay $650 for something he got $40 bucks for really DOES need an intervention. I'm convinced. I need rehab." And he's a little excited about the life classes..and his caseworker said she'd help him get a job.

He ran to hug me when I left for work at noon today.

Sucker, sucker, sucker. But it was a GOOD day. One day at a time.

Kadyr

 

[recovering doormat]

I am so happy for you that you got your stuff back. I have not been so lucky, but I also do not know who took my jewelry last fall, except that it was most likely someone my kids let into my home while I was not there. It took me a long time to even feel anger, I was so numb, but now I feel the sadness and violation. It has taught me to be smarter and stronger.

I agree that that rehab doesn't work until the addict is ready to change. My son has told me that he wants to change his ways, wants a new crop of friends, but he doesn't seem to be able to pull himself out of his rut just yet. If he fails another drug test, he is going to inpatient rehab courtesy of the juvenile court and his probation officer. This is his nightmare but so far he hasn't shown enough backbone to straighten up and fly right; rather , he begged me to buy him a "flush" kit to clean out his system before his next test.

Nope. He will only learn if he feels that natural consequences of his actions. There was a time when I felt sorry for him, and I still do think of him as my baby, but no one in our family wants to live this dysfunctional life anymore.

Glad you have found a program to help him. Now you have to set the rules to make it more difficult for him to get with his old smoking/drugging buddies. That, to me, is the hard part.