P
PatriotsGirl
Guest
She texted me asking for a box of cereal. She has not asked for anything since she moved out, so I went to Wal-Mart and bought some groceries for her. She looked good - not too skinny and frail like I was afraid I was going to see. She didn't look drugged up - no dark circles under the eyes or anything. Her pupils were normal. She is staying with a friend of hers in a decent neighborhood but she tells me it is not permanent but that she refuses to stay at the other place she could because there are lots of people in and out of the house (obviously a drug house). She was very mindful that she couldn't have people at the house she was staying at. She was very concerned to not disrespect the owner of the house. Wish she was like that living here!
I have never seen her so grateful for anything as she was when I brought the groceries. She thanked me so many times, told me she really appreciated it and how much she loved me. Broke my heart. It is so much easier on me when she is a raging B. But when she is sweet and respectful, ugh, I just want to scoop her up and tell her it will all be okay. But I know that is the worst thing I can do for her.
I, of course, kept telling her the smart thing for her to do is to go in a program and then move on to sober living and start her life over. I still don't get it. It would be so easy. She has nothing to lose. I asked her if she was enjoying the way she is living - not knowing where you are going to sleep that night. She said no and I asked then WHY??? She still has hopes of finding her dog and she broke down crying about her dog again.
This is now killing me again. I love her so much and I have missed her and it was so good to see her, but now I am completely heart broken again. I am finding myself still wanting to fix her and make all the boo boos okay. I cried when I left. I have tears starting now. Please give me strength. We are leaving on vacation tomorrow and I so badly want to allow myself to enjoy it and have a great time, but I feel guilty because of how she is living while we are living it up. All she has to do is say okay, I will go....
I have never seen her so grateful for anything as she was when I brought the groceries. She thanked me so many times, told me she really appreciated it and how much she loved me. Broke my heart. It is so much easier on me when she is a raging B. But when she is sweet and respectful, ugh, I just want to scoop her up and tell her it will all be okay. But I know that is the worst thing I can do for her.
I, of course, kept telling her the smart thing for her to do is to go in a program and then move on to sober living and start her life over. I still don't get it. It would be so easy. She has nothing to lose. I asked her if she was enjoying the way she is living - not knowing where you are going to sleep that night. She said no and I asked then WHY??? She still has hopes of finding her dog and she broke down crying about her dog again.
This is now killing me again. I love her so much and I have missed her and it was so good to see her, but now I am completely heart broken again. I am finding myself still wanting to fix her and make all the boo boos okay. I cried when I left. I have tears starting now. Please give me strength. We are leaving on vacation tomorrow and I so badly want to allow myself to enjoy it and have a great time, but I feel guilty because of how she is living while we are living it up. All she has to do is say okay, I will go....