It isn't that hard to adopt in the US. Even gay couples can adopt, especially if they want to adopt through social services. Certain adoption agencies can make up insane rules that bar certain people, but that's them doing it...it's not the law of the land. No child is ever deemed unadoptable. I've seen children who can't speak and will never be more than infants and have feeding tubes up for adoption. However, it is hard to find homes for them, of course. Now other countries are not the US and have the right to put up any barriers they like for Americans to adopt from there. You like it or lump it
If you want to go international these days, you better believe you'll be traveling and if you don't like it or can't afford best to adopt right here in the US through social services. It costs nothing. Here's what I see with AMerican adoption.
Susie, if you want a healthy white infant you will wait forever. And it's getting to the point where it's hard to get a healthy infant of any race. People are opening their minds and hearts now when they want a baby, but many are dead set on "healthy." Since most birthmothers keep their babies, there isn't much of a supply of healthy babies out there which is why many people try to adopt overseas. Russian children are white, which is a huge bonus to some people, however Russian kids don't tend to be treated well before they are adopted and the older they are, t he harder it gets.
I did adopt overseas twice. Once we adopted our son from Hong Kong and Julie is from Korea. Julie lived here all her life and actually attached to us right away and is not even interested in Korean culture and her life turned out well. Scott was six when we got him (I thought that was young enough to forge a bond). It not only wasn't, but he missed Hong Kong/Chinese culture every day of his life with us. And he left our family. But coming to t he US gave him opportunities he would never have had in Hong Kong since, at that time, orphans were considered inferior citizens. He is a brilliant young man, has his own company, has at least a million, and did find a Chinese girl to marry so things turned out fine for him. He has been to China a lot and doesn't chose to live there.
The countries that allow Americans do adopt do so because of just those reasons. Their own society does not accept adoption and shuns adopted children, often especially girls, and they don't have the facilities to take care of so many orphaned kids. When we adopted Julie, 28 years ago, the mother of a girl child who was an unwed mother could expect to be shunned and often the daughter, also shunned, would end up a prostitute with no schooling. These mothers want a better life than that for their babies. And they don't want to be shunned. They do what they have to do. That's why overseas adoptees and Americans get together. In my first husband's case, he was fine with adoption, but he didn't want a child who was in any way black, and I didn't want to wait for twelve years so we compromised and adopted Scott and Julie. Both were very loved. Scott, the one who came at six, apparently didn't think so and didn't attach well to us (shrug). I can still say he has a good life and would not have the opportunities in Hong Kong that he had here and he must agree. He can afford to live in China or Hong Kong if that's what he wants to do. I miss him a lot...I had no idea how hard it is for older kids to attach to their families when we got him.
Now if you want to adopt out of America's foster care system, where Sonic is from, forget the "healthy." Most of them were drug/alcohol exposed and often exposed to extreme abuse. We were very lucky that Sonic was so sick that he ended up in a top notch foster home where they loved him like their own, thus making him able to attach to us when we got him at age two. That rarely happens, but it did. Our eleven year old was the one who was sexually active to Jumper and Sonic when they were so small and he wasn't sent to another country, although I'm sure our lifestyle was alien to him. But he had been abusive, we found out later, way before we got him.
I just think social workers need to warn parents who wish to adopt older children that there is a strong possibility that you are going to have a child who won't feel that you are really his parents and it is likely he will bolt one day. but they don't tell potential adoptive parents that. Normally we learn the hard way.
It sounds like this child's grandmother always wanted him. Why they didn't wait f or her boggles my mind. THIS case I believe was a botched one!