I guess I'm asking the ridiculous here, as I'm sure 99% of you have felt like this at some stage, and it's where I am now.
I resent difficult child 1...soooo much I feel like I'm back at high school with an enemy. I resent his behaviour, I resent the way he is leading and encouraging difficult child 2 to behave the way he is and I resent his constant, antagonistic ways, they drive me round the bend. He is with me all the time with constant suspensions and I am sick of the sight of him. He plays on difficult child 2's rage and provokes him constantly to the point of meltdown, which I then have to deal with. He is so smug at the fact that he can play the school system and behave the way he does in order to get the suspension/expulsion he wants, and to stay home with me. I just wanna knock that smugness outta him (as horrible as it sounds.) I know my tolerance level for him is sooooo much less than the others, as I thankfully get a break from them when they are at school/ preschool. I know he can sense this resentment, which I try not to make known but kids pick up on everything,as we all well know. It sometimes get to the point where I have to force myself to be affectionate with him and constantly remind myself to kiss and cuddle him, which is a horrible way to live/feel, but at the moment thats how it is..
I know my difficult child 2 would stand to have a MUCH better success with school/behaviour/life if they were separated, but sheeeesh...what a decision and then also his useless Father would have to agree..
Thanks for listening to my vent...he just makes me so angry..