W
WearyWoman
Guest
Hi all,
As you may already know, we adopted both of our boys (the oldest at age 2 through foster care) and the youngest at birth through a private adoption. I can't shake the lingering fears I have about possible fetal alcohol exposure, especially for difficult child 2.
Our youngest (difficult child 2 - now 9) has more severe problems than our older boy (now 16). He demonstrates an extremely high activity level, difficulty in cooperating with requests and routines, and lags behind socially and developmentally. He also has apraxia of speech. His current diagnoses are ADHD and Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) - not otherwise specified, as well as apraxia of speech. Daytime and nighttime pants wetting are regular, self-care skills are below normal, and there is an extremely low frustration tolerance too. Transitions can be really hard.
I do think the worst problems we have though, are his uncooperative behavior, argumentative nature, and frequent meltdowns. Most of the time, we all feel like we're walking on eggshells around him, worried about the next tantrum. Even telling him to pick up his Legos when he's done playing could cause an over-the-top rage. I have been hit, kicked, bitten, spit at, and had things thrown at me. Once a rage starts, it has to run its course, which can be as long as two hours. Consequences have little meaning, since he does not seem to draw on past experience in making decisions.
difficult child 2 does not perceive the difference between an adult and a child, and he is often extremely mean and rude to people. He shouts at his grandparents, brother, and the therapists who work with him. I know other parents of children with autism, and when I mention these behaviors, they raise their eyebrows, as their children don't seem to exhibit this type of disruption to the degree that we experience.
I recently read an article that explores the relationship between fetal alcohol exposure and autism. It seems that it could be an environmental trigger for it.
I believe difficult child 2 has very subtle facial characteristics of fetal alcohol syndrome, including slight epicanthal folds, wide-set eyes, a low nasal bridge, a flat facial midsection, and an underdeveloped jaw. When he was born, I remember thinking his ears looked a little different, but it's not noticeable really any more. He's not missing the groove in his upper lip, and his nose is not short, although it is upturned a bit. His growth has been normal. The facial characteristics are all extremely subtle.
His bio mom (age 21 at the time) told the adoption agency that she did not drink or use drugs during her pregnancy with him, with the exception of smoking cigarettes before realizing she was pregnant. She was still breastfeeding her first baby, who was only 3 months old at the time she became pregnant with difficult child 2. She didn't know she was pregnant until about 4 months along, and we have zero medical history on the bio father (nothing about race or ethnicity either). If she didn't know she was pregnant for so long, isn't it possible she drank in those early months and possibly felt to ashamed to tell the adoption agency?
Anyway, I've read about fetal alcohol exposure, and I'm extremely concerned that difficult child 2 may be affected. I'm devastated at the thought, as I know it means brain damage.
What should I do at this point? If he is affected, does that negate his Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) diagnosis? Are there any resources anyone is aware of that could be beneficial? I worry a lot about difficult child 2's future and ability to function independently.
Thanks,
WW
As you may already know, we adopted both of our boys (the oldest at age 2 through foster care) and the youngest at birth through a private adoption. I can't shake the lingering fears I have about possible fetal alcohol exposure, especially for difficult child 2.
Our youngest (difficult child 2 - now 9) has more severe problems than our older boy (now 16). He demonstrates an extremely high activity level, difficulty in cooperating with requests and routines, and lags behind socially and developmentally. He also has apraxia of speech. His current diagnoses are ADHD and Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) - not otherwise specified, as well as apraxia of speech. Daytime and nighttime pants wetting are regular, self-care skills are below normal, and there is an extremely low frustration tolerance too. Transitions can be really hard.
I do think the worst problems we have though, are his uncooperative behavior, argumentative nature, and frequent meltdowns. Most of the time, we all feel like we're walking on eggshells around him, worried about the next tantrum. Even telling him to pick up his Legos when he's done playing could cause an over-the-top rage. I have been hit, kicked, bitten, spit at, and had things thrown at me. Once a rage starts, it has to run its course, which can be as long as two hours. Consequences have little meaning, since he does not seem to draw on past experience in making decisions.
difficult child 2 does not perceive the difference between an adult and a child, and he is often extremely mean and rude to people. He shouts at his grandparents, brother, and the therapists who work with him. I know other parents of children with autism, and when I mention these behaviors, they raise their eyebrows, as their children don't seem to exhibit this type of disruption to the degree that we experience.
I recently read an article that explores the relationship between fetal alcohol exposure and autism. It seems that it could be an environmental trigger for it.
I believe difficult child 2 has very subtle facial characteristics of fetal alcohol syndrome, including slight epicanthal folds, wide-set eyes, a low nasal bridge, a flat facial midsection, and an underdeveloped jaw. When he was born, I remember thinking his ears looked a little different, but it's not noticeable really any more. He's not missing the groove in his upper lip, and his nose is not short, although it is upturned a bit. His growth has been normal. The facial characteristics are all extremely subtle.
His bio mom (age 21 at the time) told the adoption agency that she did not drink or use drugs during her pregnancy with him, with the exception of smoking cigarettes before realizing she was pregnant. She was still breastfeeding her first baby, who was only 3 months old at the time she became pregnant with difficult child 2. She didn't know she was pregnant until about 4 months along, and we have zero medical history on the bio father (nothing about race or ethnicity either). If she didn't know she was pregnant for so long, isn't it possible she drank in those early months and possibly felt to ashamed to tell the adoption agency?
Anyway, I've read about fetal alcohol exposure, and I'm extremely concerned that difficult child 2 may be affected. I'm devastated at the thought, as I know it means brain damage.
What should I do at this point? If he is affected, does that negate his Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) diagnosis? Are there any resources anyone is aware of that could be beneficial? I worry a lot about difficult child 2's future and ability to function independently.
Thanks,
WW