advise please

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by mog, May 21, 2012.

  1. mog

    mog Member

    ok so we did not press charges when difficult child had to go to court for the damage he did to the windows because I called the police in order for them to transport him to hospital since he had just gotten home from the hospital a couple of days before from attempted suicide. As usual they still would not transport him even though I now had a pick up order from the doctor. When he went to court the case was dropped which is what I was expecting but now husband got a phone call from a private investigator that they want to come take pictures inside and outside because they are wanting to still prosecute him for the damage. What do I do? I do not want the case opened again--after loosing my mom and difficult child trying to kill himself along with the damage to the house --I just want this to be over. Help does anyone have any advise that can help me
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Get an attorney. NOW. Do NOT consent to ANYTHING until you have the advise of counsel. This means NO statements of ANYTHING, NO 'okay you can look around' and if they come iwth a warrant, tell them you need advice of counsel and want counsel to read it. I don't know how much this will cost, but it is the best way to protect your rights and difficult child's. He may need his own atty if they are looking to prosecute even though you have said you do not want to prosecute.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Mog, just what do you want to do? Do you want difficult child in there forever or do you want him out. It seems you keep going back and forth. I really dont know how to advise you.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I forget how old difficult child is - but......It may be time to get an attorney to decide if he needs to start gettting SSI disability to learn how to live on his own away from you. I'm not sure if prosecuting him would be helpful at all, because I don't know if he's mentally unstable and couldn't handle jail, or if it's you that couldn't handle him in jail. Know what I mean?? BECAUSE of the extreme amount of stress you've been under. NO ONE wants their child in jail. Trust me on that. HOWEVER - at some point - you have to allow them to be responsible for the consequences that go with their actions and stop saving them from their own behaviors. If he was completely innocent? That's one thing - but he tore your home apart.

    I agree with Susie too that I wouldn't let a single person in my home to do ANY kind of looking around period. Not until I had talked to counsel. No looking around, no I just need a minute to get a note or two from the other night - NOTHING. NADA, ZIP. I doubt they'll have a warrant -but in the event they do? You'll really want to be advised of your rights. AND your sons rights. Then you're going to have some tough decisions to make and maybe this will lead to some help for him. Maybe not. I don't know the law in your area. I don't know your sons history or diagnosis.

    I do know that you should stay in therapy and make sure you're taking care of yourself becuase this is tough, and it's going to get tougher, and you're going to need a great support system. You have us but were not there.....

    Hugs and Love
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well one thing I do know is that if the police are getting a bit tired of getting called out on domestics they are going to take the decision out of your hands of whether or not to prosecute. He committed a crime against your and your property and that isnt something that can just go away because you say its okay. I forgive him. The state wont forgive him.

    Im not sure you can tell them to go away if they have a warrant. In fact I know you cant. If they have a warrant they can come in and go anywhere the warrant says they can. You can read the warrant and see what it says they can do but Im pretty sure it will be in legalese that you wont understand well. Most likely it will say they can search your sons room, take pictures of the damage, maybe search other areas. If your son is on any sort of probation then they can come in at any time anyway.

    And I agree with Star that no mother wants her child in jail, you would rather have him find his way in the real world but does your son seem to have any motivation to do that? From your signature he doesnt have any real diagnosis and wont cooperate with getting one. If that is the case then SSI and disability is out of the realm of possibility. Just an angry ticked off kid isnt just cause for disability or the jails would be full of disabled people.

    Really he just needs to learn to get a job and live on his own. That would make him feel better about himself. Living with parents is bad for adult kids.
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Why would a private investigator be involved? I don't understand.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    If police want to continue the investigation, they wouldn't use a private investigator. Maybe a police detective, but a PI works on their own.........At least this is they way I've always understood it. They might hand over info they find to the police, but the police don't go seeking them out to do their jobs. So if it is a PI poking around, you need to know why. But I have to agree, you need a lawyer asap.

    Sadly, if difficult child refuses medications/treatment and is destroying your home and threatening you, he needs to be out........regardless of a diagnosis or no diagnosis. in my opinion, he needs to face the consequences of his actions as well. No, it's not easy to have a child in jail, but you didn't ask for him to do the junk he's done either........nor do you deserve to be treated that way regardless.

    Police may have a very valid reason to come and investigate further, might be he's been in trouble elsewhere and done similar acts and they're trying to establish a pattern of behavior. Might be they're going to push the issue since it would've been a DV call and the state will press the charges.

    Either way, you need a lawyer. And I'm glad you've got a therapist. I hope they're good, cuz you've had more than enough right now.

  8. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    If police were pressing charges wouldn't they just hand him a ticket? Not sure I'm confused because our police unless she has assaulted someone do absolutely nothing here! They were actually stepping over pieces of an oak file cabinet that had been smashed beyond repair in a house that looked like a tornado hit and wouldn't send ambulance or arrest her. Does that PI works for home owners insurance or something like that? Regardless no pictures without a court order, my 2 cents worth
  9. Ironbutterfly

    Ironbutterfly If focused on a single leaf you won't see the tree

    Can you find out if a PI (private investigator) or Detective? If they come with a warrant you have to let them in. Did you file a claim on house for windows and damage? If so, this might be insurance investigator. I also wonder if a Detective, or PI and they want to press charges if there aren't other things son has done or linked to that you are not aware of at this time.

    If you can get an attorney, I would recommend that son gets medical court, a Judge that will order a psychiatric evaluation and then probably order him for treatment at a facility. He did try to commit suicide.