Alanon

[toughlovin]

Hi all,

I know there was someone else who was going to go to their first alanon meeting this week. I am wondering how it went?

My husband and I went to our first meeting this week. We went to a parents meeting so everyone there was a parent of an addict. I found it so helpful. We are definitely going back this week.

Since that meeting I have been more ablel to think about other things and been less obsessed with how my son is doing in rehab. I feel a bit as if a weight was lifted..... not completely fo course because I am still concerned and thinking about him but somehow meeting other parents who really understood and also are finding ways to not have the addict in their lives their total and completel focus was really helpful......

I just overall felt better and happier this week than I have been..... of course it helps a lot that my son is in rehab right now and not at home.

So if you haven't been and have a child addicted to alcohol or drugs I really recommend trying an alanon meeting. I am looking forward to the next one.

 

[Nancy]

I have been going to meetings but I haven't been able to find a parents group yet and I'd really like to. I agree they are so helpful and every group us different.

I'm glad you found it helpful.

Nancy

 

[toughlovin]

I don't know about your state but when I looked on the web site for mine they had a place where you could search for meetings by type so I could see the list of parents meetings? Are you able to do that? I think it was really helpful to me to know other people were parents.... as I think the emotional issues in letting go are different with a child than say a spouse.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

It was me! I found it sooo helpful!! But, I would really, really like to find one for just parents. I just think it is a different situation to relate to when it is your child. I also bought the book codependant no more and that has helped a TON. I never realized how truly co-dependant I was. I was sooo obssessed with trying to save her. I just knew there had to be something that would work - something I hadn't yet said, something I hadn't yet done. Instead all I did was prevent her from hitting bottom and taught her that mom will always rescue her. Yes, it helps that she is not in the home right now. Of course I am still concerned with her and what she is doing, but I am not obssessed. I am able to let her make her own decisions and figure out her own issues. It is a wonderful feeling. I know that I am now doing the best thing I could do for her and that is leaving her be to figure it out.

This week I am going to go to the Tuesday afternoon meeting to see if there are more parents there. If not, I will stick to my Monday night meetings. But I will for sure keep going back.

 

[Nancy]

That's wonderful PatriotsGirl. I also found Codependence No More very helpful and yes I was one who thought I could save her and kept searching for the one thing I could do to make her better. I'm not totally there yet but I'm much better. I still worry when I think she's regressing but I'm not obsessing anymore and leave it up to her to take responsibility for her own sobriety.

toughlovin, I can't search under that criteria. I still haven't found a parents meeting yet and I agree that the meotional issues are different with a child. In fact the spouses of the clients in difficult child's outpatient program told me they don't know how they would handle it if a child of theirs was addicted and that with their spouse there is always that feeling that they could leave but with a child it's so different.

Nancy