Am I doing the right thing?

[Steely]

<span style="color: #003300">My ex has never paid me child support - ever. For quite awhile this fact did not bother me since I made an excellent salary - but once my difficult children issues kicked into high gear about 5 years ago, I had to resign from my career. I have spent the last 5 years working with docs to get my difficult child stable and having to borrow money from my parents to survive. All of the medical bills for difficult child, and the unpaid child support now add up to almost 100k - and I have exhausted any patience I may have had for this situation. (I know, it is about time!)

I have paid a lawyer to take this case forward, and he is going to serve my ex with papers next week. All of this sounds very straight forward, except for one thing - my ex is mentally very unstable. In the past he has torn the house apart, stolen my things, and verbally threatened and harassed me. He has been physical with me - but it was far and few between - mostly verbally abusive. However, I am terrified that when he is served with these papers, and he realizes that he HAS to pay me this money or go to jail - that he will go ballistic. Truthfully I am not sure what he might do.

I have asked the attorney to also file a restraining order against him - but as we all know - that may or may not keep him out of my face. I am just wondering if I am doing the right thing. I refuse to cower and be intimidated into letting his responsibilities slide one more day, but I am also scared that his retaliation may not be worth his money.

Any thoughts or experience with this?
Thanks</span>

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I think you are doing the right thing. However, I don't think a restraining order can be filed unless he does something first. I could be wrong about that though.

I'd just be extra careful about answering the door and the phone.

Good luck!

 

[crazymama30]

In Oregon you can file a restraining order if you fear someone will harm you. I think the laws vary from state to state.

Get pepper spray, a big dog, caller ID, always vary your route to familiar places, and lock all windows and doors. Consider getting a personal alarm system that will call 911 if you push a button.

Be familiar with the restraining order. Some of them, I think, even prohibit phone calls from the person being restrained. Please be careful. Thoughts and vibes coming your way.

 

[DammitJanet]

Does your ex know where you live?

Not knowing your situation...he may not. If he doesnt, Child support can be told not to tell him.

The restraining order is good but like you said it is only a piece of paper. I think they can also place him under a peace bond too. That may make him think twice. Have you ever had him arrested for domestic violence before? Or has anyone else? Or for anything? That would certainly help your case. A nice probation violation would be something to hold over him.

I would still file for child support..it is your sons right. That is too much money to allow a bum to get away with not paying. I despise deadbeat dads. I have an ex who is one and they never went after him so this sort of thing really torks me.

 

[AllStressedOut]

If child support was ordered through the courts, you don't need to hire a private attorney in Texas. You just need to send the paperwork through the Attorney General. In all honesty, this is a slow route to take, it can take a year or two to get it all done, but once its done, its done. They will garnish his wages and if he quits, they'll do another search for his social and have the new employer garnish his wages. It isn't an instant thing though, it took me a little more than a year and same with my husband and his ex. The good thing is, the attorney general will also review your case every 3-5 years without being prompted, which may cause an increase in child support, its also nice, because they are free. The other nice thing is, they're the bad guy, not you. I always just blamed them if my ex got new paperwork. I'd play dumb and say I had no idea why they were doing what they were doing and he fell for it. Maybe your ex isn't as gullable as mine, but its worth a shot for free.

 

[Steely]

T<span style="color: #003300">hanks guys for all of the input.....

I will definitely put in place all of the precautions I can think of. I had not thought of a security alarm, although they are a bit pricey for me right now, it might be worth the peace of mind. I have dogs, but unfortunately they all know my ex. For the last couple of months he had been seeing our son, so he would come over and pick him up, therefore knowing what all I possess, but also the dogs.

The state has been involved in this case-but this guy is a master at evasion. He has never held a steady job - and when he is employed he only works contract so that the state has no record of it. Therefore the state has not been able to get a dime from him. Thus, I had to hire an attorney (who by the way is a slime ball - but that is another story), to be able to expedite this case. The court is supposed to give him one chance to get with the program and pay - but one slip up - and he will be forced to spend the rest of his time in jail in a work release program - paying me every dime he makes.

It is true that possibly my ex will not know it is me pressing charges for child support but rather think it is the state - but in the past he has called me, whining, crying, and begging, to get the state off of his case. What a drama queen.......of course I have not done it........but when he is dragged to court he will be in all of his glory, I imagine, and pull out all of the stops to get me to drop the case - despite whether it is a private or state case. Unfortunately his drama queen show quickly morphs into his bullying persona if he does not get what he wants - and this is when I get worried.

He called me a couple of weeks ago madder than hades because I would not loan him my car or some money. The last time I did either of those things was 12 years ago - but yet he still feels entitled enough to call me at midnight demanding things, cursing, cussing, accusing me of being everything under the sun. I think he is using drugs again, because that sparks a rage in him that is deeper than what I normally see. Anyway, that episode brought up all of my old memories, and made me quite fearful for the future. But, as always, I will press on!</span>

 

[AllStressedOut]

I understand! Its hard when they skip around or do cash/contract jobs. Good luck with the slime ball attorney.

Stay safe!

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

LOL @ calling him a drama queen!!

Again, stay safe, good luck, and we are all here for you.

 

[susiestar]

Hey, take care of yourself. He OWES this $$ to your son. You have a responsibility to file for this. And to keep after it. It is part of being a parent.

Can you change your phone # &/or block his phone number and his parents or girlfriends numbers?

One of the best security measures is to get to know your neighbors if you don't. That way if an alarm goes off someone will call the cops.

You can get very inexpensive alarms to carry. Often they are made for kids, but they work for anyone. Look up personal alarms on ebay. They also make door alarms that you wedge under a door, and alarms to put on the sides of doors that sound when opened if you think he will try to break in. I think one name to look under is First Alert.

Be cautious and just don't talk to him. Avoid Mr. DramaQueen if at all possible.

Sorry you have to deal with this.