Am I missing something here?

[SuZir]

In bullying it usually doesn't help any if you remove either bullied kids or (the most vocal) bullies. It is the whole group that is having a bullying problem (and roles in that bullying) not just those few kids that have the main roles. If you take players of those roles out from the group, group just replaces them with new players, because bullying is part of the dynamic of that group and the dynamic is not changing even if you take out the main bully and bullied kids. To stop bullying that dynamic needs to be changed and it is only possible through those kids who have a role of facilitating (and encouraging) the bullying and who have the power in that group. Both main bullies and bullied kids tend to be those with little power in the group, their job is just to perform this bullying show for enjoyment of silent majority, who does have the power.

Also the most bullied kids are often bullied by everyone in that group and they are dehumanized to the point that other kids totally believe that those kids deserve what they are getting. In fact even adults around it (teachers, parents etc.) tend to think so. Heck, even their parents may end up thinking so. I have sat on parents meeting, with parents who are my neighbours and friends, good, common, middle class, loving, caring and involved parents, and listened how it is kind of understandable (if not totally right) to shove my then about ten-year-old son's head into the toilet seat, steal his clothes and put them to garbage can outside the school while he is in shower, take his backpack and tear his books, blame him for staring the fight against the three other boys and stand around him in circle pointing fingers, laughing and mocking him when he lies on the ground crying after getting the beat down. And I almost got out of there nodding and thinking that maybe it indeed does teach him to be more pleasant to others and behave in the way that would make him more well-liked. (Well, it didn't, he is apparently bit slow in learning or hard headed like that..) The group dynamic like that is just that powerful.

 

[pasajes4]

My school district has police officers that roam the halls and arrest/ticket kids for minor infractions. Then you go to court pay a huge fine that the school district will benefit from.

 

[nlj]

My school district has police officers that roam the halls and arrest/ticket kids for minor infractions. Then you go to court pay a huge fine that the school district will benefit from.

Shocking

What has that done to the relationship between schools and parents?

Here parents are fined. The relationship between schools and parents here has deteriorated.
There is no mutual respect, just a rush to apportion the blame for low levels of literacy and numeracy and other social ills. Standards of teaching are low, while schools think up more reasons to blame parents for lack of achievement.

We've gone off track with this thread, but it's such an emotive subject. My children were grown up and all the school crap was behind me and then I took on a young step-daughter and now I'm going through it all again. Nothing's changed, but I'm more detached than I was. I had positive expectations and enthusiasm when my older children were in school. That just set me up for frustration and disillusionment. I'm more cynical now, more dubious about it all. If she's happy in school then fine, if she stops being happy then I would withdraw her and home educate her in a flash.

What are the parents of this bullied boy doing? Are they fighting for his rights? Are they taking action against the school?

 

[BusynMember]

Suz, there can be another effect too. The bullied child can wonder why everyone hates her, why nobody stops it or sticks up for her? I never thought I deserved it, but I wondered endlessly why nobody would stop it.

The teachers knew what was going on, but seemed to want the "popular" (mean) kids to like them so they did nothing.

 

[susiestar]

Bullying is about power and control over someone, just like rape. I have long thought of bullying as emotional rape. Both leave very long lasting devastating scars. If you said things about rape victims that you say about bullying victims, you would be crucified. That only changed in the last few decades, so maybe there is hope for bullying.

Our big bully problem here is the teachers. Any kid who is bullied is supposed to fill out a report and give it to the office. About zero reports are filed each quarter, so we have no bullying, right? NOT! Kids have to get the form from a teacher. Teachers ALWAYS ask why they need one and then tell the kid that they were not bullied because whatever happened isn't bullying, so they cannot have a report. Another parent has a list of children who were denied the form in the last 3 years. It is staggeringly long and those are only the known ones!

This is why a student shot himself at our HS a couple of years back, and why my gentle and loving thank you choked another student. FOUR requests for a bully report form were denied by teachers with-o ever even listening to an entire complaint (other kids told me this), so thank you made the bully stop. In the bizarre way of boys, now they are great friends. But this other boy is careful to not push thank you to far as he knows that thank you can an will fight back. But thank you should not HAVE to, but our teachers and admins are idiots.

I am sorry this kid is being transferred with-o the bullies paying at all. I hope a chang o scenery is helpful. I would point the family toward the Wrightslaw website so they can learn about their rights, due process, etc...