SuZir
Well-Known Member
In bullying it usually doesn't help any if you remove either bullied kids or (the most vocal) bullies. It is the whole group that is having a bullying problem (and roles in that bullying) not just those few kids that have the main roles. If you take players of those roles out from the group, group just replaces them with new players, because bullying is part of the dynamic of that group and the dynamic is not changing even if you take out the main bully and bullied kids. To stop bullying that dynamic needs to be changed and it is only possible through those kids who have a role of facilitating (and encouraging) the bullying and who have the power in that group. Both main bullies and bullied kids tend to be those with little power in the group, their job is just to perform this bullying show for enjoyment of silent majority, who does have the power.
Also the most bullied kids are often bullied by everyone in that group and they are dehumanized to the point that other kids totally believe that those kids deserve what they are getting. In fact even adults around it (teachers, parents etc.) tend to think so. Heck, even their parents may end up thinking so. I have sat on parents meeting, with parents who are my neighbours and friends, good, common, middle class, loving, caring and involved parents, and listened how it is kind of understandable (if not totally right) to shove my then about ten-year-old son's head into the toilet seat, steal his clothes and put them to garbage can outside the school while he is in shower, take his backpack and tear his books, blame him for staring the fight against the three other boys and stand around him in circle pointing fingers, laughing and mocking him when he lies on the ground crying after getting the beat down. And I almost got out of there nodding and thinking that maybe it indeed does teach him to be more pleasant to others and behave in the way that would make him more well-liked. (Well, it didn't, he is apparently bit slow in learning or hard headed like that..) The group dynamic like that is just that powerful.
Also the most bullied kids are often bullied by everyone in that group and they are dehumanized to the point that other kids totally believe that those kids deserve what they are getting. In fact even adults around it (teachers, parents etc.) tend to think so. Heck, even their parents may end up thinking so. I have sat on parents meeting, with parents who are my neighbours and friends, good, common, middle class, loving, caring and involved parents, and listened how it is kind of understandable (if not totally right) to shove my then about ten-year-old son's head into the toilet seat, steal his clothes and put them to garbage can outside the school while he is in shower, take his backpack and tear his books, blame him for staring the fight against the three other boys and stand around him in circle pointing fingers, laughing and mocking him when he lies on the ground crying after getting the beat down. And I almost got out of there nodding and thinking that maybe it indeed does teach him to be more pleasant to others and behave in the way that would make him more well-liked. (Well, it didn't, he is apparently bit slow in learning or hard headed like that..) The group dynamic like that is just that powerful.