Am I Missing Something Obvious?

[DaisyFace]

OK--I have been known to be a little "dense"...

Yesterday, I posted about how difficult child came home from school all upset. i ddin't take it too seriously--I actually thought it was kinda funny! But now I'm wondering and would just like to get some opinions from parents who have been there:

difficult child does not receive any allowance at home--and she qualifies for the free lunch program at school--so we don't even give her money for lunch or snacks.

Every day, difficult child homes home with candy wrappers in her pockets. It's usually from full-size packages of Skittles, full packs of gum and Granola bars.

difficult child also receives lots of "presents from friends"--usually makeup, jewelry and hair accessories.

Yesterday--she complained that somebody stole some money she was "holding for a friend". difficult child wants to know how to get it back but does NOT want to report the incident to the principal or this person's parents.

difficult child had about $10 in cash in her pockets that she was "holding" for other people.

OK--board sleuths. What am I missing?

Busywend has suggested that perhaps difficult child is just being entrepreneurial--perhaps selling something to make extra money.

What do you think?

 

[Jody]

Mine does the same thing. She could be selling things too. Mine was collecting things from the dumpster (gross) and had set up shop on my back porch. She was selling all kinds of things last summer and the kids in the complex were actually giving her money. Scary. It all came to a halt when she opened a dumpster and there was two big fat mean racoons hissing at her. I tried toi get her to stop, now she nevers goes near them. I am thankful that she wasn't mauled. My difficult child, will make keychains, friendship bracelets. Mostly recently I had bought some pop-tarts and I was telling my oldest daughter that her sister had gotten into them and eaten 24 poptarts in two days. I have never had to lock up food but I definately was if this was going to becoming an issue. Well found out she wanted money to go to a movie with a friend and she knew that I wouldn't give her any because of her behavior. She made 10 bucks on poptarts that I paid less than 6.00 for. I don't think this kid will ever go hungry. She should have a great career in sales. I don't know if the rest of you do, but I snoop in my difficult child's room, when I can walk in it of course. Good luck. These kids are amazing, and so smart, you just never know. I laugh everytime I write difficult child, I really want to write tfh. Terror from Hell.

 

[helpme]

Let's see, my oldest two made money in these ways,

• selling their own free lunches / snacks or free govt paid school supplies

• helping others with homework -this didn't work too well because he struggled with his own
• allowing others to cheat off of his work
• completing assignments or group projects himself
• setting up other people to do someone's homework
• setting up other people to permit cheating during tests
• selling personal electronic equipment brought in from home
• selling personal items brought in from home
• stealing other people's property and selling it back to them- so their parents wouldn't find out!
• stealing other people's property and selling it to others then "protecting" them
• selling illegal music files or computer software or porn
• working on other people's electronics
• selling test answers stolen from the teachers mailboxes and desks
• selling information on who liked who
• selling drugs, both over the counter and those illegal
• selling cigarettes
• selling alcohol
• selling athletic assistance such as hitting the baseball or catching
• selling bribery tactics, such as oh Mrs. So and So is so mean, we will send her love notes for a week and see how she acts then

• holding stolen goods or money for someone else
• lying to someone's parents about where their child had been
• stealing lawn furniture was also a common ordeal in MS
• buying candy etc from person A and selling it to person B
• selling permission slips and hall passes
• selling attendance or early dismissal phone calls
• selling free meal passes in HS
• selling a "ill beat whoever ass 4 u"
• selling set up "dates" (yea...probably leading further than I ever wanted to know)
• gambling, such as dice on the bus or poker during study hall
• setting up betting pools - ie: if I get Mr. X to lose his wig in class...I get half the pool
• setting up pools about who can have the most girls in whatever sexual manner
• setting up pools on collecting girls underwear and bras
• selling spray paint or work tools (believe it or now a screwdriver is a deadly weapon)
• selling fixing report cards and selling fake web page progress reports/report cards if online
• selling stolen property stolen by themselves or others to drug dealers or fences
• protecting "others" as in the form of I'll bodyguard for you. This is quite profitable too!
• selling stolen library cards or school IDs (this lets older kids out of HS back onto campus)
• selling fake elevator or pool passes (even when the school doesn't have one)
• selling elevator keys or parking permits
• selling jewelry, makeup, clothes, tennis shoes, jackets found in the lost in found or stolen

Um, blackmail, conspiracy, stealing, cheating, gambling, battery/assault I guess would be my
guesses based upon my difficult child. I'm sure I am missing a ton of them that he pulled, but these
are the most memorable.

Boy if anyone needs help on how they sell drugs now a days I can also offer a ton of assistance.
I personally had no clue!

The cafeteria workers called me all by themselves the two times in MS that difficult child had a $100
bill to break. You might want to make a visit to them. Sometimes I think those cafeteria
workers know more than the teachers and the other kids themselves. They also exposed a few
of the "shops" the kids devised of things stolen from their own parents.

Good luck. Be careful though and get to clever and they will constantly try to find new ways to
"beat" you just for the principle of getting one past you. Thank god for spy-ware when they got to HS.
And to those reading that have em in HS, their is no privacy while I pay the damn bills!!!

 

[Shari]

I didnt' give difficult child 1 any money after prom of his junior year.

Didn't phase him a bit.

He made money by eating disgusting things people concocted (sp?) out of the cafeteria food and other dumb bets. He also played on sympathies and played the little hungry boy from the poor home who couldn't afford lunch.

Its frightening how much money kids are packing around/throwing around at school these days. He ate lunch every day for a year and a half and I never paid a dime...

 

[SRL]

Is shoplifting a possibility?

 

[JJJ]

Kanga was stealing or manipulating people into giving the "poor child" things she wanted.

Our rule was if we didn't give it to you, then you stole it. So we searched her every day when she got home from school. If we found something, we took it. Things worth more than $1 went back to school and things less than $1 were tossed. This only worked somewhat as the school never believed that "sweet Kanga" stole anything on purpose. (not sure how you accidentally take $20 out of a classmate's purse).

 

[SRL]

One more thought: one of my kids had a boy in his class who would beg food from other kids at the lunch table. In his case it was always the healthy stuff, especially fruit, so I'd often just include extra for him when I packed my son's lunch. In his case I think the mom had some serious food issues herself, but my point is the other kids pick up on what kids are craving and often are responsive.

 

[tiredmommy]

I put my money on a combination of shoplifting and re-selling stolen items. The other thing to consider, given difficult child's recent behavior, is that there is a boy (or boys) giving her things or $$$ for sexual favors. I shudder to think that, but I thought I should mention it just in case....

 

[DaisyFace]

Well, well, well....

Isn't it interesting that not one person said

"O that's the thing now--high school students buy each other presents all the time for no reason." or

"Teens are ALWAYS looking for somebody to hold their money for them. How nice for difficult child to volunteer!"

After reading all the responses, I honestly didn't realize that there was a market for all this stuff. Kids are paying cash for things found in a dumpster???? Teens are willing to pay big bucks for pop tarts??? I had no idea. (Told ya I can be dense!)

But now after reading this, I can see difficult child doing a lot of these... Playing the "O I'm so pitiful!" game....selling stuff....charging other kids for "services" (although I'd prefer to think that the services she's selling are the 'homework' kind and not that other stuff!).

So truthfully, she's probably doing some combination of all the above.

--sigh--

So why is it that I worry about this kids future? She'll probably end up filthy rich from all of her "business practices" while the rest of us remain in the poor house!

 

[DammitJanet]

Can she get access to cigs? They can go for as high as a dollar per cig!

 

[Marguerite]

DF, don't be too dismissive. She's not telling you the truth about where the money comes from, she doesn't want to report the theft, so however she had the money, it wouldn't stand scrutiny. If she had acquired the money through winning a bet (or completing a dare), or through re-selling stuff acquired legitimately (including stuff found in dumpsters) then she should feel safe in reporting it.

Could she be stealing stuff from home to sell in school?

I'd be doing some detective work here. Talk to the lunch ladies (maybe even volunteer in the back rooms where she can't see you; watch to see what she takes for lunch, then when she gets home, ask her hat she ate for lunch and see if her answer matches). Watch not only what she takes, but where she goes with it.

Another good one - befriend another kid in her grade (or a few of them). Make sure you befriend kids your daughter wouldn't mix with. Then ask them what they see.

Ask the teachers, ask other parents. Especially ask other parents - if their kid is being stood over, other parents may be sure you know and are like that yourself.

Next - take samples of the wrappers then go looking to see where such items are sold. Go to that store and find out a few things:

1) Is difficult child a customer there?

2) Does she buy stuff? If so, how much does she buy? How often?

3) Is stuff going missing? Does this shopkeeper have suspicions?

4) How does the shopkeeper feel about your daughter?

If you get answers you don't like, ask if the shopkeeper has security footage. Maybe even ask if he/she wants to press charges. Or at least report it to police so they can terrify her (hopefully) into going straight.

I'm thinking she's making money illicitly (could be sexual favours; could be re-sale of stolen goods) and either spending it herself on lollies, or stealing lollies from other kids or using standover tactics for lollies.

Go ahead and report your daughter's report to you of a theft. See how the school staff react. Don't protect her from the consequences of her actions.

Marg

 

[DaisyFace]

Marg--

I think you have some wonderful ideas. Unfortunately, I don't expect to be able to get too far with them.

When I went to the school in regards to my daughter having sex on school grounds, bringing razorblades to school and leaving field trips--the reaction of school officials was one of irritation. I can't imagine them being any more concerned about the possible theft of a few dollars.

I have checked things at home--and I do not see signs of anything missing.

difficult child has a reputation at school (among students) for being a bully...and for being crazy. She is hanging out with a crowd that is not the best. I would not be the least bit surprised to discover that she and this group of friends is scheming together to get money from other kids. And I am sure that whatever method they are using--it is not one that I would approve.

I would like to hope that she gets caught and/or reported by whomever may be getting scammed....so that there's a chance to learn a lesson before she takes these same tactics out into the "real world".

But I don't think that I am the one who can do it. At least not at this point. None of my other detective work seems to be paying off in the way I might have hoped....

 

[totoro]

I just took money from my Father. Luckily he was strung out so he never noticed. Or he gave it to me so I would leave him alone! LOL

But I think I would have sold drugs to get money. Easy money. This is what most kids did in my class. Well in the 80's at least!

I hate that so many kids resort to these things. K does the giving things away.
They just don't get it. Never see how their actions are going to affect them today, tomorrow or ever.
Some can't see and some don't care.

 

[unsure]

WOW! So sorry if I'm blinding all of you with that bright lightbulb that just came on over my head!
See DF, you aren't the only one that's a little slow on things at times...sheesh!

My difficult child is always coming home with things that someoene gave him cuz they didn't want it anymore!?!?! Last night he asked if I had any old jewelry he could wear cuz the guys in his grade were all wearing necklaces, rings and bracelets now. Not that I believed that 'all' the guys were, but I figured that he wanted to to be 'cool'. I gave him an old chain and ring that isn't worth anything. He asked me about a specific ring that I have that he likes and since I'm trying to build trust with him I told him he was welcome to wear it but please don't lose it or give it away to a girl. At that point he gave it back to me and said "nah, I better not, I'm not good at not losing things" I didn't think anything of it until I just read these posts...duh!!!