Son self-sabotages every opportunity

New Leaf

Well-Known Member
I wonder what’s going on with your quote thingy? Hope it can be resolved. Being able to insert quotes helps me so much.
But it takes great effort, doesn’t it?
It does take great effort, especially when there is “news” or attempts by my two at contact. Then I have to process the sadness all over again. I do find each time I am getting a bit better at it, not allowing myself to delve too deep into the madness and sadness of it all. But it does take a bit of a toll. The other day I got a call from an unknown number, I don’t pick up because of scammers. It was Rain, using someone’s phone. I called back the number and it went to voicemail. Then got a call back. One of her street friends explained she was trying to get Rain to go to a DV shelter with her, that Rain was going out with her former boyfriend, who is quite violent. This is not the first time my daughter has tangled with this and probably won’t be the last. I am sad for her, but this pattern has become so predictable. Those chance calls of some disaster or drama, then…..nothing. I am left a bit rattled but have to steady myself and give it to God.
Bless you for providing a loving and stable home for your grands in the midst of it all. When you can, I hope you’ll give us an update on how they’re doing. I pray they are doing well.
Thank you Nandina, I try to provide stability. My two grandsons decided four years ago to drift back to their Dads family. They are doing better, the eldest has two children and a steady job. The younger is a senior in high school and hopefully, will graduate. My granddaughter decided to stay with me and is now a sophomore. She has her moments as most teens do, but for the most part has a good head on her shoulders. She is very stoic in regards to her parents and does not want contact with them. They all have a lot to process because of their trauma, and I hope that they will be able to do that when they are ready and find peace. My two and half year old grandson (their half brother) is doing well so far, despite his drug exposure with Tornado. He has calmed a bit with the love he receives from the family. He is still quite reactive and agitated at times but is learning to regulate somewhat.
That meth was bad enough, but didn’t cause the almost instantaneous psychosis and delusional behavior that today’s meth does. It is just shocking to watch the effect it has on the mind and body of a loved one in such a short amount of time.
I don’t remember meth as a teen of the 70’s, but there were plenty drugs back then to experiment with. I was a wild child, and dabbled for a bit, but thankfully didn’t get hooked like my two are. It is shocking to see the effects of meth. One of my nephews a few years back, asked me why I just don’t let my daughters camp out in the back yard, that would be better than them being on the streets. I explained to him that that it is not possible to house people that can’t be trusted. I asked him if he did meth, “Only a little bit, Aunty, but I control it.” A few weeks later he was running around screaming and ranting- full meth psychosis, threatening to kill his grandmother. So much for controlling it. He is on the streets now, and looks like so many others who have succumbed to this awful drug.
Surely that would dissuade him, I thought. I told him he had huge addiction issues in his family with both parents and both sets of grandparents being alcoholics/addicts and that he could become instantly addicted if he touched it. What good did it do? Sometimes I wonder if my warnings just made him more curious to try it.
Who can tell a teenager or young adult anything? They know everything…….not! Especially boys. Don’t beat yourself up for being a good parent and trying to inform him and warn him.
When they are ignored, it feels like a big slap in the face. Why did he ignore that? Does he even respect me as a parent? I thought I was getting through.
I read somewhere that teens are DNA programmed from tribal times to rebel against parents. That inclination made them leave and seek out other clans which prevented inter- breeding. Hmmmm. Not to mention the new studies that say the pre frontal cortex is not fully developed until——gulp—-27. My son is 22 and struggles at times. I have 5 more years of this? Lord help me! My Hoku tells me that now that she has her own kids, she understands what we parents go through.
I once had a doctor tell me that every time my son’s birth mom took a hit off her crack pipe, or smoked meth, that baby in her womb, who eventually became my adopted son, was taking that hit as well, and getting a “rush“ from it, even before he was born. That image is hard to fathom. But it probably set my son up for his eventual attraction to drugs. However, he opened the floodgates by trying them the first time in spite of all my sage parental advice.
I am hoping my grandson will be able to overcome the challenges we all face due to his exposure. I had a conversation with an EMT awhile back. He spoke of being a meth baby, but fortunately, he was able to rise above the challenges and make a life for himself. I still hold out hope for my two, that one day they will see their light and potential without drugs. But, I can’t base my own life on whatever outcomes may be. I think examining the past, the whys and how’s and what ifs, is part of our road to our own recovery.
I am full of questions with no answers like many of us probably are. But I so appreciate the comforting words from all of you who “get it.” Thank you.
So many questions and no answers. It all boils down to the fact that we have no control over any of it. Letting go and letting God has helped me in many instances from spiraling into the emotional abyss of it. I do have my moments, but, am thankful to have this site and a few friends that are going through a similar journey. Writing and speaking our pain is so important to flushing it out. I read recently that our perspective on life has a lot to do with our physical health, regulating hormones, etc. It was once too painful for me to remember my two as babes and young children, that kept me in the fog of it all, and desperate for solutions and outcomes that I had no control over. I am now able to look at old photos and be thankful for the memories and good times. What the future holds is up to our adult kids choices. With Gods grace, I hope that we all can continue to acknowledge that with our thoughts, words and actions and focus on what we can control, our reactions. It is not an easy process, but we do deserve peace and joy in the lives we have ahead of us.
Keep up the good work, Nandina, you are resilient and strong. You’ve got this, one day at a time.
New Leaf


Well-Known Member
In the 1970s they had what were called pep pills, prescription amphetamines. Those were weak compared to what is out there now.