An update on us

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jungleland, Feb 11, 2008.

  1. Jungleland

    Jungleland Welcome to my jungle!

    Hi Family,

    Well it's been 3 weeks since Jayme and I left husband and Aly. Been interesting getting used to apartment living, being a single parent, driving in a big city, having to maneuver my huge truck in these tiny parking spaces, UGH!!

    I have had so many doctor appointments for my wrist and now my elbow (whole arm Xray showed an oldish break of elbow, that I didn't know I had, on same arm as my broken wrist and tweaked tendon). With all the support of my lower arm, my elbow is now acting up. Oy vey! MRI will be done in the next 2 weeks. Still looking at possible surgery, if physical therapy doesn't work.

    Jayme is settling in really well. My oldest easy child is just next door so we see her nearly every day, she has been keeping her about once a week over night to give me some me time, it's been heaven! She will start preschool next week, I hope!!!

    We went to visit this past weekend and the first day Aly was SCARY good! She was so pulled in tight, it was horrible. I finally talked with her and said she needed to relax, I was going to stay overnight and we will see each other every weekend as much as we can and I will probably have her on school vacations and such. She relaxed a little too much and yesterday had some major difficult child moments. She was really careful to remove herself from me when she felt angry. Not sure that is the best thing, but for now I have major PTSD over the whole ordeal so I would rather not be alone with her while she is angry.

    husband is going to social services to try to get Aly on SSI, medi-cal and Far Northern services, since he will be applying as a single parent, they will probably get at least some help. Mental health workers are working extremely hard on getting an Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker program in place for Aly, someone who will be at home in the morning with her to help her get to school (husband has had to be 2 hours late for work every day) and maybe be an in school aide and be there for her in the afternoons and sometimes on the weekends to help husband.

    I am trying hard not to feel frustrated, these are all the programs I have tried for for years and just kept hitting brick wall after brick wall. Trying VERY hard just to be happy that she will finally be getting the support she so desperately needs.

    Had a long serious talk with husband Saturday evening and really got into how it made me feel to have him not be supportive of all I had and still do for Aly. I reminded him once again that I really feel that the best place for her right now, recommended by psychiatrist and therapist, would be Residential Treatment Center/Facility. He said "I am not ready to give up on her yet" I flipped out, I told him I wasn't giving up on her, I was wanting her to get the best help she could get while it was still available to her. He just isn't quite to that place yet, not sure he ever will be, and I can only pray that with the extra support he is supposedly setting up will be enough to help her be the best she can be.

    One very sad note is that our extended "family", Jayme's bio's sibs adoptive family, we cannot see anymore, at least not until the 3 foster kiddos that we had and they now have move to a different home. CPS said that it was too traumatizing for the kids since they were in our home when Aly attacked me and the police came, etc. I understand, but it hurts my heart so badly. Then the adoptive mom told me she really doesn't want any of her kids around Aly for a while, that she doesn't trust that Aly won't tell them lies again, like she did a while back. I was shocked and hurt and still don't really know how to handle this as we have been so close for so long, I really never expected this at all. I will talk with her again once I can think it through a bit more, but it feels like Aly is once again being ostrasized (sp?). husband is very hurt and angry and had already been thinking of moving closer to his work and that area is much more racially diverse.

    Anyways, just alot of yuck right now. Trying so very hard to find positives in everyday and try to heal and let Jayme heal.

    Thanks for making it this far, I appreciate the "ears"!!

  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I hope Aly and husband get some help from those programs you mentioned. I know it's frustrating when you tried so hard to get them, but maybe it's easier as a single parent? Who knows?

    Sending warm (((hugs))) I know this has got to be so hard.
  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    It's good to hear from you; I can hear the frustration in your voice. I hate how the system is willing to see a family disintegrate before the proper services are offered.

    Keeping you & yours in my thoughts.
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Actually, things sound better than I had feared. I guess it shows how much I was worried for you.

    Like you, I want to knock some sense into husband's head, but he does have to get there himself. If only she'd already been in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - but as one of our Aussie folk singers has written, "If wishes were fishes we'd all cast nets in the sea".

    Good luck with manouvering that truck, especially with your arm in the condition it's in. I hope the therapy works, and you don't need surgery.

    Hang in there. It's got to improve from here.

  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    So good to hear from you. Sorry that the arm is still paining.

    Big hugs to you.

  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Good to hear the update. Glad you and husband are talking some. No matter what you have kids together and have to talk. Sometimes that is tough though.

    I hope you can get some services in line, and that your arm gets better soon.


  7. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    Very glad to hear your doing well despite the circumstances. So sorry for all you are going through with EVERYTHING! Hope the arm heals quickly as well as your other"wounds" Keeping good thoughts for you!!
  8. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I would think your former foster kiddos would be reassured to see you and Jayme to know you are safe. I can understand about wanting to keep the younger kids away from Aly until she is stable. I'm having to devise a plan to keep Kanga away from my younger ones if/when we will be forced to bring her home in 2 weeks. I hope that once Aly is stable they will allow her to visit again.