And more good thoughts...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, Jan 6, 2012.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Cgfg's mother is willing to meet with me and see if we cant work out the custody situation with cgfg. She has proposed a plan that cgfg thinks is good, although I don't have the details yet (cgfg is supposed to call me soon).

    While I'd love to stick it to cgfg's mother (and I'm sure we could), what cgfg ultimately wants is equal access to both parents without fighting so she can be more active ini her activities and get homework help as needed. Those are good I've agreed to meet.

    (she wont talk to husband. I know not my place, but for whatever reason, this is something I'm good at in this situation. Much as I dont like it).

    If you can spare a good thought that we can work something out, I'd appreciate it.

    (it will be court ordered...but if we can come to an agreement the court can just rule on...that would be so much easier)
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2012
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh really hoping it is a good plan so you can have that settled.....
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    <think> <think> <think>... will continue when I have spare brain cells...


    Its really important that cgfg be at the heart of it - partly because it makes it more difficult for biomom to fight it without looking bad, and partly because... SHE still has to live with the outcome.
  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Agreed. Like I said, I have no doubt if we sunk enough money into it, we could get what we've asked for. But why, when that's not really what she wants, and we'd have no intention of keeping her from her mom, anyway?

    (but it would be fun!)
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Shari - I know you are better at this, but lemme warn ya, from personal experience...

    Don't actually agree to ANYTHING. Discuss, document, and so on.

    Take it back to husband.

    Because legally HE is cgfg's parent... It can and will be seen as you interfering if bio goes off. Which is possible even if she's being reasonable.

    Then have the lawyer draft it all out & get husband and bio to sign off. THEN the court can rule.

    At any point be prepared for everything to go wonky.

  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Oh, I make no decisions. I am very clearly defined as the mediator and nothing more. No fear there. It all goes back to husband. She just will not deal with him directly.

    This isn't our first rodeo. When husband and I started dating, he was in the midst of the initial custody and visitation agreement. It went to court, she screamed at him, her lawyer and his lawyer couldn't stop the screaming. I was just there with husband. She just screamed and yelled at him. The lawyers separated them on opposite ends of the hall, and having known her for a long time, I just went over and said hey, and she started talking. At first, it was griping (but not screaming) about husband and how she now had a man that treated her like she wanted to be treated and he had his kids on odd weekends and husband had asked for even and she was finally happy and she didn't want to screw it up. I just talked. I said I was sure husband would be flexible if that was her concern, just say it. She said "you think?" I said yeah, I can ask if you want. So I spent an hour walking from one end of the courthouse hall to the other communicating between them. When court reconvened the next time (2 weeks later), they had an agreement (ironically, she had a new man by then, too...). The lawyers both told me to keep at it. husband's first lawyer has since passed, so I checked with our lawyer first on this deal, and he said go for it.

    The one really good thing that has come of this so far? She put in an email that she will deal with me, but not him. She's told me before. Now its in black and white. She won't/can't deal with it if he comes.

    I'm not going to be dishonest with her and let her think this drops the court case because it doesn't. But this can be the extent of that court case if she's willing to do it. (and 2 hours mediation is now required in MO - if she doesn't work it out with me? The next step is that she gets to sit in a room with a paid mediator and husband for 2 hours and try to work it out before it goes on to court). Whatever agreement, if made, will be drafted by the lawyer. I doubt I could get husband to bend on that even if I wanted to. If there is an agreement made, the lawyer drafts it, and I'd be willing to let her sit in with our lawyer to see that its not changed or explain any changes. If she wants her own, fine.

    I've negotiated several things with her in the past successfully. If I can get her face to face, and survive the initial scream-fest...I dunno....I just can. I don't like to, but I can. I've never tackled anything this big, but lemme tell ya, she doesn't allow ANYTHING to be small. And I think she gets that he's not letting this go. Nor is cgfg.

    The other thing? He filed for full custody and is ok with 50/50. That's ultimately what cgfg wants, anyway.

    And you can bet your bottom dollar that I fully expect her to go off on me. She always does. This time, I will not force myself to stay. If, in the moment, I'm handling it? Fine, I'll stay. If not, I'll tell her husband will see her in the mediation room... (I've actually told her before that she can either stop yelling at me or deal with him and its worked).

    I have a small glimmer of hope. Beyond that, I have NO expectations. It will be up in the air until its ruled on by the court. Even if they make an agreement, either one could back out at any time until then.
  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    (and from cgfg's brief description this morning, it sounds like it may be the same plan we tossed out last summer...she hassn't had a chance to call with details yet. (and I want to talk to cgfg so I am sure the idea told to her and I is the same when I talk to mom))

    And PS
    FWIW, I'm good at telemarketing, too, which is another talent I despise (and field I do not wish to work in ever again). But maybe there's a reason.
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    You are such a strong woman already! But I will send you some extra strength and cyber-support on this issue and the school issue just the same...

  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Per cgfg, it IS the plan we suggested last summer!!!