And so it begins again

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by JKF, Jul 4, 2013.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    difficult child is homeless once again. Supposedly kicked out of the shelter but I honestly think he chose to leave on his own. They notified me on Monday that he hasn't been taking his medications but that he wasn't getting kicked out. He had a meeting with them Yesterday and I could tell afterwards from his words and attitude that he was getting close to leaving. He is very obviously manic and hasn't slept in days and is irritable and angry so it was only a matter of time before something happened.

    I messaged him and told him not to contact me again until he's settled down and medicated. I told him I'm done. And guess what? I really mean it!!! I've done all I can do.
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2013
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry that your difficult child is on his roller coaster once again...............but I am very glad to hear you are not. Hang in there, I know it's tough, sending you (and difficult child too), prayers for him to get back on track and for you to stay strong and be okay and spite of his actions.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Although I'm sorry it is necessary, I am glad to read that you have drawn your line in the sand and feel confident it is the best choice. I will continue to send caring and supportive thoughts your way. Hugs DDD
  4. JKF - I am so sorry he has chosen this path yet again. I was really hoping that things were going well for all of you.

    Stay strong. This is such a hard road to walk down. You have made your boundaries clear. Hopefully that will raise his 'bottom' up and he can make a permanent change.

  5. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    You and yours (actually all of us!) are in my prayers. I too have finally realized I can not do anything to help, and I can not continue the relationship with my difficult child as it is today.

    After he threatened suicide because I stopped the money flow and meant it, I stepped back and really began to see the situation for what it is. My difficult child is a follower and was doing much better until he started a relationship with another difficult child just like him, maybe even worse!

    It is so very hard to watch the people we love so much continue to make mistake after mistake. If he is like mine, it's everyone else's fault but his, and always bad luck.

    Wishing you peace and a stress free day.
  6. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    JKF, just wanted you to know that I am reading, too.

    Sending discernment and strength.

  7. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    I can't thank you all enough for your replies. I'm sure by now some of you know how I operate. I did make some calls on difficult child's behalf today (unbeknownst to him) and he can go to the mission shelter until this gets figured out. His MHA worker was out looking for him and hopefully found him and hopefully he went to the mission with her.

    I love my son. He's very mentally ill. He stopped his medications again and is very unstable. I can only do so much but knowing that he has options helps tremendously. I will never give up as his (behind the scenes) advocate but I refuse to enable him.

    Anyway - we did our trip to VA and back today to get my car. Been up since 2:30 am and operating on about an hour of sleep (couldn't sleep last night after finding out about difficult child) but trying to enjoy life today. Sigh. Such a challenge but I'm going to stay strong no matter what happens!
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    JKF, I don't know if I'd have your patience. It's such a tough balancing act between advocating (positive) and enabling (negative) and your own survival (anywhere along the spectrum), when you're dealing with mental illness in a difficult child.
  9. JKF - I am so amazed at how well you are doing. I can relate to making calls behind the scenes for difficult child. I can't tell you how many calls I've made on my difficult child's behalf. Except mine won't listen or participate in any medical/mental health programs (at least not right now). I'm hoping once we mend some things in our relationship he will be more receptive to it.

    I think you are doing a great job. You're not bailing him out, you're not giving him money or a place to crash because of his stupid choices. What you are doing is gathering information so that when he does want help you can point him in the direction he needs to go to find it.

    And I would like to give a thumbs up to his MH worker. Wow! I'm so glad that he has someone that is so dedicated to helping him that they are out looking for him. I'm sure he doesn't realize it but your difficult child is lucky to have that help.

    Big hugs to you. Have you heard from difficult child? Do you know where he is?
  10. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Thanks so much wtw! It's not easy staying strong but I have to. I get times when it hits me right in the gut but I'm trying to learn to breathe deeply and move on.

    He stayed at the mission temp shelter Friday and Sat and he's back at SH as of yesterday. Apparently he was 72'd and not permanently kicked out although they did tell him that if he continues to break the rules and not take his medications he's out for good. I know it's only a matter of time before that happens so I'm trying to mentally prepare for that.

    It's such a shame bc when he was taking the Lithium there was a clear difference in his personality and behavior. He was starting to do well, seemed stable, was making good decisions, etc. Now that he's off the medications he's angry, irritable, and just plain doesn't care about trying. It such a sad, frustrating cycle but it's HIS choice. He's choosing to not take the medications and whatever happens as a result of that is based on his choice.

    His MHA worker is great. I wasn't so sure about her at first but she seems to really help him get things done. She's taken him to apply for SSI and helped him get his FS and GA. She knows he's very mentally ill - anyone who spends any amount of time around him can clearly see it - and she's trying to help him eventually get settled somewhere permanently.