Anger Overload

stressedmama

Active Member
Been a long time(years) since I’ve been here. Started with addicted step daughter who has now been clean for 6 years. My husband and I are raising her son. He’s always lived with us but we’ve had guardianship since he was 3. He’s now 10 1/2.

He has dealt with abandonment issues forever and we had a good handle on it till a few months ago. His dad reappeared a couple years ago and he was visiting him every other Saturday till Sept when his dad moved far away (again).

Around the same time, hubs was diagnosed with liver cancer. Hard to put our thumb on what started all the anger in gs or combination of both. GS has been having bouts of rage over seemingly minor things. Disrespectful, physical, destructive rage.

I was researching and came across an article about Anger Overload. Anyone heard of this or had any experience with this?
 

stressedmama

Active Member
Has he been to counseling? Does he have activities?
Yes, He’s actually a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. He’s very athletic He had been in counseling for years, however it was only once a month till this month when we stepped it up.

No one else sees this anger. It only rears its ugly head to hubs and I.
 

Crayola13

Well-Known Member
His anger sounds misplaced. If he isn’t aggressive and hateful with kids at school, and only behaves that way at home, I suspect he’s angry at his mother. You mentioned he has abandonment issues. I’m glad he’s not violent at school. Has he been physically violent at home or just verbally? This isn’t going away. Consider medications.
 

stressedmama

Active Member
He’s been both verbal and physical. After doing some research, it seems this behavior is more common than one would think. It’s misdiagnosed a lot as bipolar but that’s not what it is. I’m not ready to cave in to medications just yet.

Thanks for the input!
 

BusynMember1

Well-Known Member
We are only moms, not psychiatrists. I'm not one either but it could be ODD or an pending mental illness.

As a parent who waited too long, I urge you to not guess and to take him to a child psychiatrist who knows the symptoms of various problems. We don't. You don't. Please don't be me. Don't try to figure it out and do it yourself. That doesn't work. How are you sure he is not bipolar since doctors think he is,?

Your daughter's drug abuse, although she is now sober, could have roots in mental illness and that can be hereditary.

I say this with kindness. Waiting to hope it goes away is very dangerous strategy.

I wish you love and peace and send prayers for your husband.
 

stressedmama

Active Member
We are only moms, not psychiatrists. I'm not one either but it could be ODD or an pending mental illness.

As a parent who waited too long, I urge you to not guess and to take him to a child psychiatrist who knows the symptoms of various problems. We don't. You don't. Please don't be me. Don't try to figure it out and do it yourself. That doesn't work. How are you sure he is not bipolar since doctors think he is,?

Your daughter's drug abuse, although she is now sober, could have roots in mental illness and that can be hereditary.

I say this with kindness. Waiting to hope it goes away is very dangerous strategy.

I wish you love and peace and send prayers for your husband.
Thank you! No one has diagnosed him with anything. In speaking with his counselor after his last session, I was able to find out more about what is bothering gs so much. It's really stemming form his feeling powerless over my husband's illness. Couple that with the abandonment issues from his mom and dad and the unknown with hubs. It's like the perfect storm.

We are definitely not waiting for it to go away. Just exploring every possible avenue.

Thank you for your prayers!
 

Nandina

Member
Your grandson has had a lot of trauma and issues to contend with his entire life and you have obviously provided safe space for him in your loving home. But a 10 year old can only handle so much and what he is currently dealing with, many adults would find overwhelming. Bless him, he is dealing with a lot.

I think you are right to keep him in therapy. And to pursue any and all options regarding mental health care if it is warranted. Getting through these trying times with the kindness of loving caregivers and a good therapist may well make him stronger and more resilient in the long run. I will pray for this outcome.

It sounds to me like you’ve been on the right track so far. Best wishes to you and welcome back.
 

stressedmama

Active Member
Your grandson has had a lot of trauma and issues to contend with his entire life and you have obviously provided safe space for him in your loving home. But a 10 year old can only handle so much and what he is currently dealing with, many adults would find overwhelming. Bless him, he is dealing with a lot.

I think you are right to keep him in therapy. And to pursue any and all options regarding mental health care if it is warranted. Getting through these trying times with the kindness of loving caregivers and a good therapist may well make him stronger and more resilient in the long run. I will pray for this outcome.

It sounds to me like you’ve been on the right track so far. Best wishes to you and welcome back.
Thank you!
 

LoveTempered

New Member
Two of our sons expressed themselves with anger. One of them (not the one I write about on this forum) was finally able to explain what was causing it when he was a sophomore in high school. We had tried many ways to help him but it took him finally realizing the cause to be able to tell us. Until then, he just hated himself for being so angry and mean to us. Like your kiddo, it was at us and at home and nowhere else. It turned out that he had profound social anxiety and some sensory issues that made being in a regular kid's life very hard. He also struggled with some of his classes in a way that we did not understand (he had a 504 for ADHD). Being in the world for most of the day left him so raw that the only thing he had was anger when he came home. We made some changes to his schedule and did not get worried when he wanted to come home and isolate in his room or take a nap after school. It helped along with therapy to guide his ability to recognize and experience his emotions. The therapist says he is highly sensitive which means he feels everything in the room. Can't imagine how horrible it would feel to be in a high school classroom absorbing all those emotions.

Not sure if this helps. We had to learn that the anger was trying to communicate something that even HE didn't understand. I can also recommend a book called The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It helped with our response to his anger before he could let us know what was going on. Blessings on your journey of love!
 

stressedmama

Active Member
Two of our sons expressed themselves with anger. One of them (not the one I write about on this forum) was finally able to explain what was causing it when he was a sophomore in high school. We had tried many ways to help him but it took him finally realizing the cause to be able to tell us. Until then, he just hated himself for being so angry and mean to us. Like your kiddo, it was at us and at home and nowhere else. It turned out that he had profound social anxiety and some sensory issues that made being in a regular kid's life very hard. He also struggled with some of his classes in a way that we did not understand (he had a 504 for ADHD). Being in the world for most of the day left him so raw that the only thing he had was anger when he came home. We made some changes to his schedule and did not get worried when he wanted to come home and isolate in his room or take a nap after school. It helped along with therapy to guide his ability to recognize and experience his emotions. The therapist says he is highly sensitive which means he feels everything in the room. Can't imagine how horrible it would feel to be in a high school classroom absorbing all those emotions.

Not sure if this helps. We had to learn that the anger was trying to communicate something that even HE didn't understand. I can also recommend a book called The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It helped with our response to his anger before he could let us know what was going on. Blessings on your journey of love!
thank you so much!
 

momshope

New Member
I am sorry you're going through this. I did as well when my now adult daughters were children, and life was implying for us as a family. They were 7 and 10, my husband was having an affair which my eldest found out about after listening in on a phone call. She asked him why are you a cheater? He slapped her. She never spoke of it again butt started beating up her little sister, being physically violent and raging mad at ME. Thank God for therapy. When she started kicking and screaming she would not go, my now ex stepped over her and walked out of the door. She waited in my car for me when I ran in to a store for a bag of dog food. When I returned she had taken my swiss army knife out of the glove box and carved up the dashboard, claiming "I don't know what happened". I got her into cognitive and added art therapy, which seemed to give her a safe place to "story" and express herself. It did help.
Please take care of yourself, and rally support. This is a wonderful forum and I will pray for you as well!
 

stressedmama

Active Member
I am sorry you're going through this. I did as well when my now adult daughters were children, and life was implying for us as a family. They were 7 and 10, my husband was having an affair which my eldest found out about after listening in on a phone call. She asked him why are you a cheater? He slapped her. She never spoke of it again butt started beating up her little sister, being physically violent and raging mad at ME. Thank God for therapy. When she started kicking and screaming she would not go, my now ex stepped over her and walked out of the door. She waited in my car for me when I ran in to a store for a bag of dog food. When I returned she had taken my swiss army knife out of the glove box and carved up the dashboard, claiming "I don't know what happened". I got her into cognitive and added art therapy, which seemed to give her a safe place to "story" and express herself. It did help.
Please take care of yourself, and rally support. This is a wonderful forum and I will pray for you as well!
Thank you so much!
 
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