Another baby step

[Kathy813]

difficult child came over today to ask husband to show her how to pay her car insurance online. It is due tomorrow and she had put money in the bank to cover it. husband helped her pay it online.

I am so proud I could burst. Isn't is funny that what other people take for granted like paying their bills is a reason to celebrate when it comes to a difficult child?

However, before anyone suggests that I can change her status to easy child, you need to know that she then borrowed $5.00 for gas and is driving around with an expired tag. Whenever we ask about her tag, her answer is always "I'm going to take care of it next week."

Baby steps. That's what I keep telling myself.

~Kathy

 

[everywoman]

One small step at a time...at least yours has gotten to understand that insurance costs money...mine is still "looking" for a job!

 

[jamrobmic]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: everywoman</div><div class="ubbcode-body">...mine is still "looking" for a job!</div></div>

Mine, too. He seems to think "looking for a job" is the same as "working at a job." He doesn't understand why we don't see it that way.

I agree we get very excited at things that most parents of easy child's don't even think twice about. Hopefully she'll soon also "get it" that driving around with expired tags isn't a good idea (although my son would probably do the same thing). And at least she's only asking for $5.00 for gas. My son would throw a fit if I offered to give him $5.00 and ask me if I had any idea how little gas $5.00 would get him. Of course, being the difficult child that he is, then he would tell me to just forget it and would stomp out the door without any money at all. He's so easy :rofl:

 

[Suz]

Good for her! Yes, she is making progress!

(...and she will stop borrowing money from you as soon as you guys stop lending it to her! :rofl: :wink: :kisses: )

Suz

 

[KFld]

That is progress. People without difficult child's do not understand how we can get so excited about the little things in life like this.

 

[dlgallant]

Everything is relative. What's a baby step to some, is a world record leap to others. :dance:

 

[rejectedmom]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: dlgallant</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Everything is relative. What's a baby step to some, is a world record leap to others. :dance: </div></div>

It sure is. -RM

 

[Kathy813]

I know, Suz. I should have said no. But she had used "all her money" to pay her insurance. I know it probably was a con but I was so happy to see her plan ahead and pay her insurance bill that I didn't mind giving her the gas money.

~Kathy

 

[Sunlight]

kathy I know ant goes full steam ahead at his job...but he cannot manage his money. he is always broke in two dys buying stupid stuff, eating out, no thought for the bills to come.

I let him starve if he doesnt buy food.

I am glad he is not in a drugged stupor anymore, but then again...I want him to bank well. oh well, eventually he will learn.
glad your daughter did something good. one good think (pun intended) can lead to another... :smile:

 

[Suz]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I know it probably was a con but I was so happy to see her plan ahead and pay her insurance bill that I didn't mind giving her the gas money. </div></div>

Kathy, I guess the way I see it is if you really "didn't mind" then you shouldn't hold it against her and complain. And if you really do mind, then you need to set the example and stop enabling her.

Not a criticism-honest!- just an observation.

Suz

 

[SunnyFlorida]

:bravo: Yahoooooooy...that's quite a feat for a difficult child :bravo:. It's a baby step and a giant leap. Next we'll be waiting for barrel jumping :rofl:

 

[Kathy813]

Suz,

I see your point. I guess I didn't see it as much as complaining as pointing out that she hadn't quite achieved total independence and still had a ways to go before easy child status. But in the big scheme of things, it was not a big deal to me.

But honestly, I was celebrating, not complaining.

It had been a point of contention that she was waiting until the last day to pay the insurance bill and then asking us to put it on our credit cards and then would pay us back. So to plan ahead and have the money in the bank so she could pay the bill herself online was exciting.

~Kathy

 

[everywoman]

Kathy, it's so hard sometimes to see the forest for the trees. Your difficult child is surrounded by a forrest of immaturity. She has finally started hacking down a few trees. Hopefully, one day, they will be all hewned down and she will be able to see her way to adulthood. Be happy that she is chopping away, even bit by bit. (Although I certainly understand the complaint with the celebration---I do it all the time myself---Yeah, he went to his meeting, now if he could get a job.

 

[WhymeMom?]

everywoman, Like the forrest metaphor--something I can understand.

Kathy, I too celebrate small victories, even thinking ahead to remember the insurance bill needs to be paid online would be a huge victory in my book....

 

[Scent of Cedar I]

I am proud of difficult child and happy for you, Kathy. She seems to have dropped that feeling of entitlement, that feeling that she did not need to abide by the rules everyone else needs to follow.

And wasn't there a time when she was fueling all those behaviors through resent? Sort of blaming easy child for her athletic prowess, blaming husband for attending the games and taking pleasure and pride in easy child's accomplishments?

And I remember reading about times when difficult child would do her best to blame you for something "unfair" so husband would give her what she wanted.

If most of those behaviors have stopped, then difficult child has been taking big steps.

That seems to be what I remember reading about the situation with your difficult child. That if you let your guard down, she would go back to those old patterns pretty quickly.

The request for gas money shows that difficult child is still testing the waters, though. (If I do thus and so, my parents will support me in ways they would not have done, had the money been used for some other purpose.)

But then, with gas prices what they are, any of us might find ourselves in a place where a little extra money for gas would come in handy.

Is she still running with the evil friends?

Has her behavior been more appropriate and less manipulative toward you?

Barbara

 

[Fran]

Savor every little bit of progress. It's crumbs to some but it's progress instead of staying the same. :bravo: