Another cutting intrument

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Jun 25, 2009.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I was straightening a little in difficult child's room this evening and figured out something else he had used for cutting. I really should have foreseen this and figured it out before, it seems so obvious now. He was taking the "blade" out of any pencil sharpener he could get a hold of.

    Another thing- I am finding empty or near-empty cans of things like "gooh b gone" (or something like that), and other stuff. I can't figure out if he was sniffing it ( he swears he was not) or if he was using it for a flammable- like spraying a can and holding a match to the fumes. Ideas? It would sure explain a lot if he was really getting high instead of cycling.

    I know he was getting compulsive about self-medicating and illegal/street drugs were right around the corner, but he always tested negative on many drug tests that supposedly checked for everything. He was smoking cigs and trying to control moods by soda/caffeine/sugar. He was talking a lot about medications not working.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry you found more things he hurt himself with. The blades on pencil sharpeners are among the first things they use to cut. (Wiz somehow used a bunch of them to booby trap his room at night - they can really mess up your feet.)

    I would put money on huffing. It is the most likely reason he would have things like solvents in his room. They are very commonly used to get high. Unless he was super into starting fires, it is the best explanation. If he used up several containers of stuff playing with fire you would see small burns on walls, ceiling, carpet, etc..., the smoke detectors would go off regularly, and you probably would have seen burnt fingers and or some real fire damage to the house.

    I am praying that he will find help while he is incarcerated.

    Sending many gentle hugs to you. This whole think stinks worse than a barrel of skunks.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Actually, the stuff with fumes wasn't found in his room. I found one can in the yard and one in the "game room". He didn't get to the point with fire that would be considered a pyro, but let's face it, he had set a brush fire 2 years ago and did play with fire like other boy's his age have been caught doing. (Yes, most in this neighborhood do play with it.)

    One interesting thing, he told me last week that he set the brush fire accidentally by throwing cigs on the ground. This is the first time I've ever heard that story so I don't know if it's a lie because he's trying to get out of incarceration sooner rather than later, or if it's the truth. It's not like him to wait 2 years before confessing up to something with me. on the other hand, I know he had been sneaking off and on and smoking for quite some time. He told me that he didn't tell anyone before that the fire was caused by cigs because he figured he would get into even more trouble for smoking.

    I'm going to ask the parole officer if he can get difficult child into a preventative type substance abuse program upon his release. Not a live-in treatment place, but some classes or something. The military used to have some real good ones- they covered dysfunctional families, self-esteem and self-medicating, and the whole picture that plays into it.

    I feel so naive and bad for not thinking about the pencil sharpeners before. But then, he used a pice of countertop in the psychiatric hospital and his fingernail in detention.
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2009
  4. ML

    ML Guest

    I think your idea to get him into an substance abuse program is great. Other than finding these instruments I hope you're doing ok. Hugs, ML
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    don't think you are naive for not thinking of all the options open to someone who wants to hurt themselves, get a high, or follow a compulsion.

    I hope, and pray, that difficult child gets some help while locked up.

    How are you doing?

  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm doing a lot better than I was. Thank you for asking, Ladies! I tried to go back to my old job but they had hired 2 part-time, temporary people so couldn't bring me back. I'm sure that move was to avoid having to pay benefits for someone, but the economy hit my profession pretty hard. So, the worst part is trying to find a job and hang on financially. There are some people in worse shape than me though, and I've gotten my motivation back so hopefully, something will break soon. Truthfully, I think I needed a break from everything. I'm starting to get some things accomplished around the house, although I haven't started on the damage to walls and doors yet. Physically, I feel a million times better and have trouble sleeping thru the night only occasionall;y now. (I think the big MP has contributed to some previous problems.)

    Some people I've met in difficult child's facility are about what I expected- somewhat uncaring and just there to focus on "bad kids". But there are a few that really seem to get that there are other factors that need addressing if the kid is going to have a true chance of turning around. I was more than a little impressed with the director of the tdocs. difficult child's therapist has communicated with her and seems to get the gist of things, but hasn't met with difficult child but a couple of times. I'm hoping that's just due to a vacation or something and that she will start meeting with him weekly very soon. Then, I'm hoping she gets family therapy set up. By their rules, it has to be her choice and initiated by her.
  7. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    thanks for the update on you. Glad you are feeling and sleeping better. Sorry about the job but take this opportunity to focus on you and what YOU want to do. I'm sure there is much satisfaction in getting your home in order. Take care. Hugs.

  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Honestly I find it hard to believe a brush fire was started with a cigarette thrown to the ground. I smoke and toss many a butt down on the ground and havent started any Even the lit match sounds a bit farfetched to me. If you are standing up and light a match and throw it down without anything like gas there, wouldnt the match go out before it could possibly get to the ground? I have a hard time getting a match to stay lit to get a cig lit! The wind puts them out.

    I think to start a fire you have to try.
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry I misunderstood where the cans were and had forgotten that he had previously played with fire.

    Don't EVER beat yourself up for not thinking of things like the pencil sharpener. I actually had to walk on Wiz's boobytrapped floor and get cut up to figure out what was going on! Most, if not all, of us have had the kids slip something past us. I think that is the first thing they have to accomplish to get their difficult child certification!

    I hope that his therapy is helpful, and that they also start family therapy soon. Also hoping the job situation results with you finding a job you like more that has better everything for you.

    As for the cans, he may have used them for more than one purpose.

    Many hugs!
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Janet, he was in a wooded area with a lot of brush and there were dried leaves all over the ground. The fire investigator backed that up- and said it would have easily been started. $3000 of my $4000 restitution is to cover cost of "landscaping" (if you saw it, you'd see how that term is used lightly) that the firetruck plowed over to get back in there. It wouold have probably required an accelerator if the area had been "green" but in this case, the dried leaves acted as the accelerator.
  11. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    More junk for you mind to dwell on.

    Just more big hugs for Mommy heart
  12. ML

    ML Guest

    Thanks for the udpate! It sounds like you are doing pretty good considering and I'm so glad to hear it. Hugs and Love, ML
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, dear.

    You are way ahead of me. I wouldn't think of half of those things.

    I learn something new every day.

    Best of luck.
  14. Anaheimfan

    Anaheimfan Blue Collar Boy

    Many kids, difficult children or not play with fire. It's a common occurance. Although the excuse about the 2 cigs I would be slightly skeptical about...If the grass is dry, yes, cigarettes could cause quite a large brush fire...I would sincerely hope he never graduates to woodsheds or abandoned houses.

  15. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Since this topic came up, I remember that a few years ago someone drove down the street near a place I worked and threw out a cig. It caught a small hillside of dried grass on fire. This happened in broad daylight, at lunch time with people all around and fire investigators confirmed that that is the only way it could have started. The fire spread so quickly, it was about a third of the way up the hill before anyone noticed and had consumed the area before the firetrucks got there.

    After Janet questioned whether or not a match would stay lit until it hit the ground, it makes me wonder if it wouldn't be more likely to have been started by a cig. than a match. He got caught because another kid saw him and told the fire investigator who did it. Between that kid's story and the investigation at the scene, the fire investigator concluded that no accelerator was used.